


Home is wherever you are

by LivingInWonderland



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Bipolar Ian, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Gallavich, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs, Love, M/M, Masterbation, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, So much angst, They deserved better, relationship, tagging for future chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-19 22:00:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 55,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5982253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingInWonderland/pseuds/LivingInWonderland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adjusting to losing the love of your life is hard. Trying to get it back might just be harder.<br/>Ian has said that he is done with Mickey, but can you really ever be done with someone who still holds your heart in there hands?<br/>With the two destined to meet again, and a lot sooner than either of them thought, can they both put there pride aside and fight for what they really want??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle!! This is my first EVER time writing anything and I just had so much hate for the way they ended Mickey and Ian on the show that i couldn't sit back and let the love between these two die!! I followed straight on from the Jail scene where Mickey asks Ian to wait.
> 
> I'm Australian so I have no idea how American prison systems work, so none of this will be factual. I'm just winging it ;)
> 
> Let me know if this is any good, all positive criticism is welcome! 
> 
> Gallavich love will fight for another day!!
> 
> I slip between both Mickey and Ian's point of view. I hope it's not too hard to follow.
> 
> Love and Kisses my fab fanfictioners!! xoxox

 

He sits there, for what feels like an eternity, as the only person he has ever loved walks away from him and that’s when he knows. This is really it. Fuuuuuck, It’s really over…

Mickey should have felt it that day out the front of that rickety fucking old house when Ian screamed at him, when he ended it. That day when that bitch Sammi had come back from the fucking dead with a bad ass attitude and a gun aimed at his head, he wishes she had shot him, killed him, he swears it would hurt less than this, dying would be a real fucking pleasure right now. 

He really should've felt it the countless amount of times, since he got sent to this hell hole, that Svet had visited him with no Ian insight… But none of those times had he really felt like he had truly lost Ian Fucking Gallagher, not until today that is.

Ian’s dead, cold eyes didn't sparkle that bright, magnificent emerald green they had once before when he used to look at Mickey. He barely fucking looked at him from the other side of the glass today; he seemed so void of emotion. Mickey knew the pills were partially to blame for it. But when he had asked Ian if he missed him, thought about him, asked if he would wait for him. That’s when it really started to sink in. He was done, he didn't fucking care, and he wouldn't wait. 

“Yo Milkovich” The guard breaks into Mickey’s train of thought  
“I've been calling time for a while now, move it or lose it buddy. Your visitors have long gone, time to go”

Mickey sighed rubbing his fingers over the bridge of his nose thinking to himself that, Yeah… I have lost it and Ian is definitely gone. But he just slams the phone down instead and kicks back his chair making an ear piercing screech along the shitty visiting room floor.

“No need to get your panties in a twist big boy, I'm up now, Jeez.” 

He’s surprised the words actually came out of his mouth, he feels like he is running on auto pilot. Mickey starts walking towards the guard ready to make his way back to his shitty little cell so he can crawl into his cot and fucking lose it, drown in his emotions and let it all actually sink in. No more Ian. He cracks his knuckles and looks down at them, at the ink that's across them. Fuck U-Up, That's what Ian's done to Mickey. He's fucked him up real good!

He starts scratching at his chest where the home job tattoo is fucking itching like hell. Maybe it’s just in his head but he feels like the words are taunting him, reminding him that Ian Gallagher doesn't love him any more, maybe he never really did. He doesn't really feel like he is moving down the corridors to his cell, he feels like some unknown force is just guiding him to his cot. The guard pulls up at his cell and ushers him inside and Mickey finally slumps down into his cot and tries to processes what the fuck he is going to do now. 

He knew at his sentencing that he wouldn't be out for 8 to 15 years, but he always thought that somehow that wouldn't stop him and Ian being together. The amount of shit they had already gone through, nothing should be able to get in their way. Mickey thought that Ian would freak out that he was in Jail, that he would realise that this bullshit break up isn't what he wanted and that somehow they would keep up their relationship through visits until Mickey was free. 

Fucking hell Mickey, you are one dumb fucking faggot, who the fuck would wait for your sorry ass.

 

\-------

 

Ian strolls out of the jail with his hood up and his hands in his pockets, he can faintly hear the Russian woman next to him talking about something but he really isn't paying attention to, all he wants is to get home and go back to bed. He is so fucking drained, tired and done with today and it’s only 2pm. He waits by the passenger door for her to unlock it; she puts the baby in the car seat first and then opens the door for him.

“Orange boy, I take you home. You look like shit” 

Her thick accented words finally soak into his foggy brain. He just nods and buckles himself up, leans his head on the glass and waits for her to start the car. She doesn't.

“You have good talk with Husband; you sort out your gay love shit?”

“No Svet, there is nothing to sort out, I told you and him that. You owe me the money for today and don’t ever ask me again. I'm not coming again. I don’t want to see him, I'm fucking done. Now can we please start heading home? I'm tired”

She just looks over at him and glares at the back of his head. He’s sitting there with his head pressed against the cold glass of the car window eyes closed.

“I think I like crazy orange boy better than not crazy orange boy. You to grumpy in pants”

She says as she finally starts the car, Ian lets out a small chuckle

“Trust me, so do I”

The drive back to Canaryville isn't too long, but it’s long enough for Ian to process everything. That was the last time he will see Mickey Milkovich for at least 8 years. The man he loved for what feels like a life time and he feels nothing.

Nothing. At. All. 

Not sad, not angry, not pain, not relief. Just, nothing. Well, he feels a little something. But he pushes that down. He doesn’t want to feel that.

He really wishes he could get rid of these fucking meds. He would rather feel manic happiness or depressive lows than feel like this, to feel nothing but complete emptiness. His head feels like there is a cloud permanently living inside there, leaving no room for anything else. He struggles to focus on any conversation he has, sick of the monotone feeling his whole life and everything around him has suddenly become.

And his family, My god! His fucking family won’t leave him alone. Someone is constantly following him around.

Ian, have you taken your pills?  
Ian, how are you feeling today?  
Ian, things will get better.  
Ian, where are you going? Maybe I should come with you.

Urghhh… If he hadn’t already been crazy. He would definitely be deemed it now.

“We here at shitty house. I must take baby to Kev. I have work. Get out of car”

Ian looks up at his home and sighs, he drags himself out of the car and makes his way to the house so he can sleep until someone wakes him up for his next set of pills to take. This is his life now. Just sleep and medication. Oh the Joy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love already!! I appreciate it soooo much ;)
> 
> Probably have a few more chapters out tonight. Bare with me. It's a little slow getting into all the good bits. But they're there!!
> 
> As always i love the feedback so comment away and leave Kudos if you're liking what i'm writing so far.
> 
> Love and kisses always xoxox

Mickey wakes up to the sound of the dinner alarm ringing through the cells. He doesn't move.  
He can vaguely hear his cell mate telling him to get up. He still doesn't move.  
Finally there is silence again and he wills himself back to sleep, but before he can a guard is in his room banging at the end of his cot with his extendible baton. 

“Inmate, are you deaf? The alarm for meal time has rang, Get up now inmate”

Mickey doesn't even roll over he stays still. He's hoping if he lies there long enough the man will leave him to there to rot.

“Inmate you have to the count of 5 before I physically remove you from your bed. Do you understand me?” The guard nudges Mickey with his baton. He gets no response.

Two other guards make their way into the tiny cell just as the first Guard begins to roll Mickey over.

“Mickey, is everything okay? You have to get up man; please do not make me be an ass to you. I do not wanna have to get up in your shit. Alright? I'm having a shitty day as it is, don’t you start adding to my problems too!”

That’s what does it. Mickey sits up so quick that the other two guards are so shocked that they jump back unsure on what to do for a second. His tired and sad blood shot eyes fire up in turning them into two angry blue raging oceans.

“You’re having a shitty day Keith?? YOU’RE HAVING A SHITTY DAY?? My day aint’ been peaches and fucking cream either Jackass…. Ooof!!” Mickey gets slammed into the stomach by one of the guards. That just riles Mickey up more. He grabs the closest guard and starts laying into him with his fists

“My fucking boyfriend is done with my sorry ass..” He punches the guard in the stomach,  
“..and I'm fucking stuck in here because of him. Really..” He kicks the other guard who is coming at him to tackle him to the ground.

“I have fucking nothing, so” PUNCH. KICK. PUNCH. PUNCH.  
“Come at me..” KICK.PUNCH.PUNCH.PUNCH  
“Fucking kill me” KICK.PUNCH,PUNCH.KICK  
“See if I fucking care!!!!”

And that’s it. They’re finally on him. Mickey has so much anger and energy that it takes all three of them to hold him down. He's like a steam engine full to the brim, ready to explode. The pile of men are struggling on top of him to hold him down and he starts laughing hysterically, then he starts crying hysterically. Eventually his body stills and they get off of him and cuff him and drag him down to infirmary. Once they get there they cuff him to a bed whilst someone comes and cleans him up. 

 

“Mickey, seems you have gotten yourself into a fight I see” The doctor is smirking at him looking him up and down, Silently assessing him. 

He’s been here before with this kid. He’s so angry at the world that he’s self-imploding. He’s met a few of the Milkovich’s in his years, but he sees something a little different in this one. He seems a little softer, like someone might have actually cared about Mickey, moulding him slowly into a different man, allowing him to be able to let his feelings show rather than hiding them, changing him till he no longer resembled that ass hole terry Milkovich. The doctor suppresses a shudder at the thought of that name and brings himself back to reality and continues trying to keep Mickey above that name.

“Just defending my right to nap whenever the fuck I want, S’not my fault these ass holes have no common sense not to wake a sleeping bear!” Mickey spat out to the doctor. 

The fight’s done with, but fuck if he doesn't feel a little better for letting that out. He’s been bottling so much of this anger towards Ian that he finally feels like he’s had enough of it released to continue on. The stinging sensation the split lip and cheek have given him has slowly begun to bleed out more than just his Milkovich blood, but also his pent up emotions of loss, heartbreak and the feeling he has of such utter hopelessness. 

The aching throb coming from the few broken ribs he probably, no definitely, has takes away from that throb in his heart where he feels that a piece of him has crumbled and nothing will fill it up, so it throbs and throbs crying out for its missing piece.

“Well, Keith seems to be a little concerned for your wellbeing, thinks that you and him were on pretty good grounds and he is a little upset that you have possibly broken a couple of his ribs and most definitely his nose. Say’s you are usually fairly cooperative… well, with him anyway. He thinks you may have over reacted a little and when you went all Jackie Chan in there you were spouting off a bit about wanting to die? Anything you want to discuss Mick?”

Mickey looked down at his aching knuckles, they were covered in blood and he felt bad. Keith was a good guard, actually respectful, he used to work over at the Juvie where Mickey spent most of his adolescence and by some chance of fate got a job here a year or so ago before Mickey got locked up. Keith was more of a friend to Mickey than a guard, in actual fact Keith was getting a lawyer friend of his to try to appeal his case because of the circumstances surrounding Mickey when he attempted to kill Sammi. The lawyer wanted to say that Mickey behaved irrationally due to emotional distress because of Gallagher and some other crap about a troubled up bringing or something along those lines with more legal mumbo jumbo that Mickey didn’t understand anyway. Lawyer dude was good that’s for sure and Mickey was hoping to get outta here somehow. Well…. That was before today’s visit with the redhead and also before he snapped and went all crazy on the guard’s asses. 

“Yeah, I had a real bad day. Shit. I feel real fucking bad about Keith though. He gonna be Ok? “

The doctor sat across from Mickey in the other cot and looked down at his folder, after a few minutes he looked back at Mickey who was thumbing his bottom lip with his free hand that wasn't chained to the cot.

“Keith is okay, I think his pride hurts more than anything. Look Mickey, you’re evaluations that have been done for your lawyer talks about anger issues, so I kind of get the fighting but you really need to try and rein that in. Head down and you might have a chance of getting out of here”

Mickey huffed “Don’t give a shit about that any more. I deserve to be in here. There aint nothing out there for me. At least in here I can support my kid better”

The Doctor looked confused. “Well, I think that fortunately for you, you've lost your visitation rights for a month and you’re in solitary confinement for a couple of weeks. That might give you enough time to pull yourself together and rethink about that. Life in here isn't any good. Your kid will grow up and you'll miss some of the most magical moments of your life. Have a real good hard think about things. I'm going to also recommend a few counselling sessions whilst you’re in solitary. It will be beneficial to your appeal and might help you get a little bit of perspective and hopefully a better out look on life”

Mickey sighed loudly “Whatever man, won’t faze me one bit and I guarantee no fucking head shrink is gonna work any voodoo magic on a Milkovich! Won’t change my mind” and with that said Mickey lay down, hoping to get more of his nap in before someone came to drag him to solitary.

\--------

 

“Ian.. C’mon sleepy head, time to wake up and have dinner. It’s 8pm. Fi brought home left overs’ from the diner. She got us some pie for desert. C’mon. Ian. IAN!!”

Debbie was trying to wake him up. Gently at first then finally she just ripped the covers off of him and punched him in the arm

“For fuck sake Debs, let me sleep.”

He tried to grab the cover back but Debbie had a grip on it like a lioness has on its cub. She wasn't going to let him go back to sleep. He let out a frustrated groan.

“Fine, I'm getting up. You can leave now. I'll be down in a second. I gotta pee first”

Debbie smiled at him and then looked at him in disgust.

“Ewww. Good luck peeing with a boner assface”

Ian looked down at his sweatpants at the tent that was pushing up, angrily mocking him. Seriously, now that hadn't happened in a while. The meds were messing with his libido and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he had felt horny, or had woken up to a salute from the sergeant.  
Urgghhh. That’s what Mickey used to call it. I should probably stop doing that, using his references to my cock doesn't feel right any more.

Ian grabbed at his hard on, squeezing it trying to will it to go down. He might be standing to attention but he had no urge to actually get off right now. It wouldn't go down so he tucked it into his sweatpants, threw on a top that was the closest to him and made his way to the bathroom to do the inevitable awkward boner pee and then made his way down to dinner. When he got to the table he found dinner waiting for him, and of course his pills sitting there next to a glass of juice, taunting him, reminding him that he wasn't normal old Ian any more. He was crazy, on meds Ian. 

Liam was smiling at him from the table; Debs was pouring juice into the cups as Fiona took her seat and smiled up at Ian 

“Hey sleepy head. How was your day?” Fi asked him as sweetly as possible

“Fine “He replied in his, now usual, monotone voice.

“You manage to do anything at all today?” she asked as she began eating her dinner.

“I Visited Mickey in Jail. Svet paid me to do it. Put the money in the squirrel fund, you’re welcome”

Ian started pushing the food around his plate. Having a Loss of appetite was just another lovely side effect from taking the pills.

Debbie and Fiona looked at each other with raised eyebrows

“You got paid to see Mickey? You actually had to be PAID to see him? What the fuck Ian. That’s a little cruel don’t you think?” 

“C’mon Fi, like you ever cared about Mickey. Why start now? I got money for the squirrel fund. Who really cares how I got it.”

Fiona put her fork down and placed her hand over Ian’s, sliding her chair closer to him

“Mickey was changing Ian; I kinda liked the new Mickey. He really cared a lot for you, he was really trying Ian”  
He looked at her sad eyes and removed his hand from her grasp.

“Well I didn't like the new Mickey. I could see it in his face that I was scaring him Fi, that once tough thug was scared of me!! I looked in his eyes the day I came back from being with Monica and I saw the look of terror. He didn't know who I was any more. I didn't know who I was either, I still don’t. But I realised something that day. I couldn't figure this out with him around any more Fi; I needed to do this on my own. I don’t want him trying to fix me, chasing me around all the time, babying me! He wasn't the same any more and neither was I, and I really didn't like it. Look. Our relationship isn't any of your business but I'm telling you now. I'm done, we are done. I don’t want to hear it any more and I won’t be visiting him again so we can drop it now. Eat your dinner, it’s getting cold.”

Fiona looked at him for a little longer, he knew she wanted to say something else but knew it was pointless and could obviously see the anger boiling up in him so she went back to eating her dinner.  
He managed a couple of spoonful’s but couldn't eat any more so he picked up his plate up dumped the rest in the bin. Both his sisters stared at him. Debbie eventually just looked down at her plate and began eating her food whilst helping Liam with his. She was smart. She knew Ian wasn't in a good mood. Actually, lately he was never in a good mood. 

“Is that all you’re going to eat Ian? You need to eat more. You shouldn't take your…”

Before Fiona could finish what she was going to say Ian slammed his plate down in the sink so hard that it shattered

“For fuck sake Fiona, give it a rest with the over bearing mothering act. If I hear you talk about me taking my meds one more time I will literally flip the fuck out! Look…” 

Ian stormed back over the kitchen table where his pills were already set out for him, grabbed them, threw them into his mouth and took a big gulp of his juice to wash them down with.

“I've taken them, and I promised that I will keep taking them, so cut me a little bit of slack. Let me do this on my own, in my own way. I told you, I hate the way they make me feel but I know it’s only temporary until I level out. I have a shrink I see every fortnight, SHE can tell me what to do. Not you! I need some fucking space. I'm going to go sit outside, DO NOT come out there to check on me. I'll be in the van. ‘Kay?” 

Fiona just nodded, tears welling up in her tired eyes. Ian stood there for a little while looking at just how exhausted she looked. And he felt bad. He really did. He knew this was hard on her, on his whole family really. But he just needed to do this his own way. He needed to try and gain some control. He was struggling to keep his emotions in check. He floated between numbness, depression and rage a lot these days. It looks like his rage was at full force right now. He sighed and tried to calm himself down.

“I love you Fi, I do. But please, you have to back off a little. I'm sorry I keep snapping. I'm trying though, I really am.”

Grabbing his jacket off the hook, he shrugged it on and opened the back door to the feeling of the cold Chicago air on his face and walked outside. He took three big deep breaths in and out and then made his way to the shitty old van that was parked out in his backyard. He jumped on the roof and laid down on his back feeling the cold metal through his jacket, which was somehow warming to him. It’s probably all of the fond memories he has of the times when his life was simpler, easier, when he was still just Ian. 

He spends at least two hours out there reminiscing about playing cops and robbers with Lip when they were little, pretending that the van was their getaway vehicle in some high speed chase. About the many times that they hid in there with all of the Gallagher kids when Monica and Frank were at an end of one of their many drug and alcohol fuelled benders, fighting and ransacking the house for money. A small smile comes to his lips when he remembers the time he had Mickey bent over in the back, pistolling him so hard that afterwards Mickey walked with more swagger than usual, due to his sore ass. His smile quickly dissipates when he remembers that won’t ever happen again, but Ian knows it’s for the best. Despite everything that he keeps saying to his family and to Mickey. He does still care, a part of him still loves him but Mickey can’t love him any more. Ian is too much work, Ian is different now. He lets out a sigh and looks down at the tent that has formed, yet again, in his sweatpants.

Looks like the sergeant is saluting him again, twice in one day, maybe things are starting to look up, quite literally!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Blushes*
> 
> I did a thing, I wrote a little bit of smut and it made me feel so awkward.
> 
> Don't judge me!! 
> 
> *Hides*
> 
> Kudos and comments keeps me motivated!  
> Am I doing Ok? I hope you're enjoying it ;)

It’s been a month since he finished up with his solitary confinement and two weeks since he has been allowed to see visitors again. Mickey’s feeling a bit better, the doc was right; time to think has done him good. And that shrink wasn't too bad. I mean, for a fucking quack she wasn't half bad to talk to. Not like Mickey really opened up or anything. 

The first few sessions he pretty much just glared back at her leaning in his chair with his eyebrows raised chewing on his bottom lip whilst she kept trying to probe him with questions that he didn't answer. By the third visit she lost her cool and snapped at him, calling him an ass hat and he laughed so hard at her he almost fell of his chair because his bruised ribs didn't take to the laugh so well. The fourth and fifth visit he finally started to answer her questions and actually got some decent advice from her and started to feel a little better. Once the solitary was over he still continued his sessions with her, because damn it, the shrink had gotten into his head and he was actually back to thinking he might be able to do this, live. Move the fuck on. Get out of this joint.

Svetlana came by the moment his visitations were up and running again, and she was pissed.

“You no do your job, you no stab man in eye. Get it done. Now. Is good money.”

“Yeah, yeah. I'll fucking get to it. Where’s the little man” Mickey was actually missing Yev, who would of thought?

“Is with Kev and Twins, will bring next time. Only if you stab man in eye!”

“I fucking said I would, I'll make arrangements and get it done in the next few days, calm yo' farm woman!” 

“You look better, you getting dick sucked?”

“Fuck sake Svet, none o’ your god damn business! Look, a lawyer is getting some shit sorted for me and he says I have a real good chance of getting out of here, but the thing is. I need Ian to give a statement or some shit, I know he’s done with me and I'm over it and shit. But please can you try and get him to meet him at least. Offer him some money again? He doesn't need to see me or anything. Please, I really fucking want out of here and he is really my only chance”

Svetlana looked at Mickey and sighed. 

“I do what I can, give me lawyer details and I will speak with Orange boy. No promises. I will try.”

Mickey gave her a big grin, his bright blue eyes beaming at her. It’s weird how they finally had an understanding with each other, almost a fondness, He definitely didn't want to ever fuck her again, but right now he wanted to plant a kiss on those Russian lips of hers.

“Time’s up inmates, move it along”

Mickey quickly gave her the details.

“Get it done as soon as you can, the lawyer wants to move on this as soon as possible. Lemme’ know how it goes you beautiful Russian whore!”

Svetlana flipped him off and kissed the glass as she stood up to leave.

Mickey walked back to the recreation room and grabbed a few of his guys and got to arranging the job he had to do. 

 

\----------

 

It was lunch time at the Gallagher house; no one was home but Ian. He made himself a grilled cheese took his meds and decided to go for a run. He couldn't run as long and as hard as he used to, but he was starting to improve on his time slowly. He had also started going to the local Gym to get himself back in shape. Things were getting better. He had begun to get used to his meds, and they had also started to level him out. He still had days when he felt a little down and days when he felt a little too much energy. But overall, he was feeling good. Not great, but good, he was better than a couple of months ago that’s for sure. As he rounded the corner of the block he bumped into Svetlana, literally. He pulled his headphones out of his ears and smiled at her.

“Sorry Svet, in my own world. You all good?”

“Yes. But could be better if you help me”

Ian looked at her quizzically waiting to hear what she wanted. She hadn't asked him since the last time he went to visit the jail to go again. The last few weeks Ian had been thinking about Mickey more and more, especially now that his head was clearing up, the meds kicking in, and his emotions and feelings seeping back in. He was kind of hopeful that maybe Svetlana was going to ask him to come with her again.

“I need help with lawyer. Will pay you good money for help. All you have to do is talk to lawyer. Please?”

Ian was a little disappointed but he continued to smile at her, trying to keep his emotions in check.

“You in some kind of trouble? You don’t have to pay me to help you out Svet. I stole your kid; probably owe you one for that” 

He chuckled light heartedly, but he felt a pain in his chest at the memory of stealing Yev and freaking Mickey and Svetlana out. 

“Very funny, yes you owe me very big for that. I wanted to chop balls off but husband beg and plead like baby to save your ass. You remember that, he saved your ass.”

“I know Svet, I know. How… is Mickey?”

She looked up at him quizzically and Ian started a full on inspection of his nails just so he didn't meet her eyes. The moment he asked he saw a little bit of anger in her eyes before he had looked away. Svetlana’s relationship with Mickey had always been weird but they had finally got onto good terms and Ian knew she cared for him and hadn't liked the way Ian had treated him.

“Husband is good. Much happier now. Why you care?”

“I always cared, I wasn't in a good place a month ago. I’m getting better now and I just, you know… wanted to make sure he was doing good. Look, I was actually thinking that I…”

Why was he having so much trouble asking this? He had been thinking it over lately about just biting the bullet and asking Svet if he could come on a visitation with her to see Mickey. He wanted to show him that he was doing better, apologise for being a dick and try and make things alright between the two of them. He knew Mickey was stuck in that place for a long time. He wasn't planning on getting back with him, he knew that was impossible and he wasn't even sure if that was what he wanted any more anyway. But he was hoping that maybe he could still visit. Still maintain somewhat of a connection with Mick. He had thought about this for so long, about who the new Ian Gallagher was and how Mickey now fitted in to his life. All he knew is that he always wanted to have that short, shit talking thug around some how. They had been through a lot together and he couldn't imagine a life without him in it, in some way.

“I would really like to visit, ummm, Mickey. Like, come with you and Yev.”

Svetlana narrowed her green eyes at him, looking at him as if he had an ulterior motive.

“No. He took your name of visiting list. He said he is finished. I will not ask him that. He take long time to get in good mood again. I not change that. No. But you still help with lawyer yes?”

Ian couldn't hide the disappointment in his face. But honestly, what had he expected? He had been so cruel to Mickey that day at the prison. He had told Mickey the words he wanted to hear, that Ian would wait for him, but he knew Mickey hadn't believed him. He thought that Ian was completely done with him, and now Mickey was also done with Ian. It had taken Mickey so long to show feelings and emotions and actually start really caring for him and Ian had ruined that. Took that away from him and turned him away from Ian forever. He knew what Mickey was like; he would never let Ian back into his life again. When Mickey Milkovich was done, he was really fucking done. 

Svetlana handed Ian over a small piece of paper with the phone number, and Ian stared at it wishing he could just melt into the cracks in the side walk and disappear. 

“Do as soon as you get home. Very important. I have work now.” 

And with those last words, Svetlana walked around Ian and headed off to the Alibi leaving Ian staring down at the piece of paper, ears ringing with the words that Mickey was cutting Ian out of his life forever. He finally regained his composer enough to slide the piece of paper in his pocket, pick his feet up and start running again. He ran and ran for as long has his body would let him.

Ian made it home, sweat dripping off of his hair on to his face. He quickly downed a glass of orange juice and headed up for a quick shower. As the water started to slowly heat up, he stripped his sweats off and stood in the mirror looking at his reflection. His pale skin was a few shades lighter than a tomato after his run and it made the freckles on his face stand out more. He had an annoying lock of hair that no matter what he did would always fall onto his face. He probably needed a haircut, but he kind of liked the longer hair on himself.

He kept looking at his face, noticing that his eyes had started to regain their shine. A few months ago they seemed duller; always blood shot and rimmed red.  
He hopped into the shower and felt the warm water on his body take the sheen of sweat from his skin; he lifted his head under the stream of water, closed his eyes and let the full pressure of it hit his face, he moved his head to the side and let the water flow down his neck onto his shoulder and roll down his back mimicking the flow of a waterfall. He began lathering up the soap and working it over his body, a memory started to stir in his head back to a time when Mickey was basically living at this house, when Terry was in Jail and Yev had only just been born. A time when Mickey was in this very shower with him, helping him lather up with this soap, washing every inch of Ian’s body. 

This was a time when, even though Mickey hadn't actually come out to everyone, he had started to feel more comfortable in this house with his sexuality and with his relationship with Ian. As he started to wash his arms he remembered Mickey washing his arms, circling in the same way that Mickey would, pushing his fingers into his skin and then trailing his fingertips so lightly across his arms, Ian felt himself begin to get hard. He slid his hands down his abs that had finally started to take shape again and started placing his hands lower, and lower and lower until he finally slid his hand down to his now fully erect penis. He let out a small hiss and began stroking himself as the memory poured in…

 

“Mmmm, that feels so good Mickey”

“Yeah, Reckon I could get a job as a cleaning lady Gallagher” 

Mickey chuckled lightly into Ian’s ear, whispering the words with his lips brushing his ear lobe in a way that instantly had Ian weak at the knees and his dick hard. His head was resting on the crook of Ian’s neck and he started soaping up Ian’s arms from behind him. Mickey turned him around and Ian smiled at him as Mickey began working on his chest slowly making his way down to his abdomen. The moment he bent his knees and knelt on the shower floor Ian knew where this was leading and he could barely contain his excitement…

“Don’t think this is the kind of thing cleaning ladies do Mick, but I would definitely consider hiring you to clean me on a regular basis if this is the kind of work you put in” 

Mickey raised his eyebrows and began biting his bottom lip, Ian felt his cock begin to get harder, Mickey looked down at it, then back up to Ian with his bright blue eyes shining mischievously that made Ian’s body quake from the anticipation. Mickey began slowly sliding his hands down lower and lower till he finally took his shaft and began slowly stroking up and down, bright blue eyes staring into Ian’s green ones. He looked so hot down there and it made Ian groan at the sight of his boyfriend touching him, stroking him with his hands moist from the water and when he swiped his thumb gently over his tip Ian had to place his palm on the tiles next to him to hold himself up from the bolt of pleasure that ebbed through his body. 

“I think this needs a very thorough cleaning, a lot of attention.” Mickey said “Actually, I think it needs a full work over… And you are very lucky today Gallagher, because I'm willing to give 100% to this very big job” 

Ian could have come right then and there just from hearing Mickey talk like that whilst he worked him over with his hand, every now and then rubbing his thumb over the tip, straight over Ian’s slit. Mickey had only just started with the dirty talk and Ian couldn't get enough of it. Mickey was amazing and knew just how Ian liked it. Mickey slowly kissed his hips, his thigh and then licked a droplet of water from the side of Ian’s knee right up to his hip. He didn't stop stroking Ian the whole time. Pre come was dripping off of his end and Ian was so ready for Mickey to take him in his mouth.

“Taste so good Ian, fucking sweetest skin, so fucking good” His breath hot on Ian’s skin, the words slipping out in between nips and kisses to his hips and thighs.

“Fuck Mickey, Fuck...”

Mickey finally made it to where Ian wanted him the most, he took a look down at his boyfriend and Mickey was looking right back up at him, those blue eyes fully blown, his soft lips wet and moist and so pink ready to take his cock in his mouth…

 

Fuck. Ian came in the shower, in his hand, hard. The memory being too much to handle, he hadn't even gotten to the best part. Fuck. Ian had promised himself that he would stop doing this. And after today, he really needed to stop. He had to. Mickey was over it already. Svetlana’s words came back into his head, he was off the visitation list, and Mickey was done and happy. Ian began reminding himself that it really was for the best. He was getting better, but he was going to be bipolar for the rest of his life. His good days and bad days were always going to be there, stressing Mickey out. He was too much for him to handle, Mickey couldn't fix him and Ian couldn't change who he was now. No matter how much he really wanted to. Mickey was better off without him and a part of him felt glad that Mickey had realised this, that part was small. But it was there. 

He cleaned himself off in the shower, turned everything off and began drying himself.

After he was dressed he made it back down to the kitchen and unfolded the piece of paper. She wanted him to call this lawyer as soon as possible. What the hell had Svet gotten herself into? If Ian was functioning at 100% he would have actually found out. But no, this Ian was a little scatter brained and had been too busy thinking about seeing Mickey, stupid new Ian. He dialled the number and Spoke to a receptionist that said that her boss had been waiting on his call. Apparently it was very urgent. She transferred him through.

“Mr Gallagher, I have been waiting for your call. I'm so glad you have chosen to co-operate, your statement will be such a huge help to this appeal. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Really. “

Appeal??

“Uhh, Yeah, Sure. Anything to help Svetlana out.” He was still trying to rack his brain as to what the hell this was all about.  
“Yes, I'm sure she will be so happy to have her husband home again. Well, if this all goes well of course. Now what I need from you is…”

The man started listing things but Ian was still stuck on the fact that he thinks the man just said something about Mickey coming home, but that can’t be right. 8 to 15 years he got, how can he be getting home earlier?

“.. so what I will do is type up the statement, you sign it and bring me a copy of your diagnosis and any other relevant medical information and I can move this all along. Does that sound alright with you Mr. Gallagher? Also, Mickey was very adamant that I express to you that, he doesn't expect you to do this, and that you aren't under any obligation to help if you don’t feel up to it. He said he understands now that your relationship is over for good and that once he is released you are assured that he will not bother you in anyway. So, when would you be able to get the documentation ready and come and sign for me?”

Ian was still in shock. Mickey can go home. Mickey will be free. I can help Mickey. They might be finished but he still wanted to do whatever he could to help him.

“Mr Gallagher? If it is about the money, I have been assured that the moment the appeal has gone through, you will get the money owed to you. I believe the amount is rather generous just for a signature on a piece of paper.”

Ian didn't register the talk of money, he was still taking in the fact that Mickey may be able to come home.

“W..w..What, sorry, just a little surprised at this news, I had no idea this was actually about Mickey. Umm, Yeah, I would love to help in any way I can. I have a heap of my medical records here. I also have the umm, police statements from when I took Yev and the psych wards records from when Mickey helped me get help. It has information about him, that should help right? Oh, and I have all the stuff from the Army thing, I mean that’s really what made Mickey snap with my sister Sammi. I can bring it over right now if you send me your address.” 

Ian was rambling and he knew it, he just wanted to help Mickey. Free him. Hug him. Kiss him. No, he could only help free him. That’s all he could do now. He still wanted to do it though

“That all sounds fantastic Mr Gallagher. We have actually had a professional counsellor give statements about the detrimental effect that your relationship and diagnosis has had on Mickey’s own mental health and well being. She has also been seeing him whilst he is incarcerated on a regular basis, which has definitely helped Mickey through this troubling ordeal and helped him heal, looks good in court too. The Law cannot take such a cruel sentence on such a man with such a heavy burden that he has had to deal with. Why, if I was in that situation myself I probably would have snapped also.” 

Ian definitely heard all of that. The lawyer was basically telling him that he had fucked Mickey up. This was his entire fault, that Ian’s illness was bad for Mickey, he had hurt him, damaged him. He had ruined him. 

Ian sighed, his face dropped and it took all of his strength not to cry. He ran a hand through his still damp hair, that lock falling over his eye I like it always did, he shook it away with a flick of his head.

He had a problem with dealing with emotional issues now. His medication had made him better but he was still Bipolar and sometimes he could easily fly off the handle in rage or in circumstances like this one, hearing about all the hurt he had caused to someone he loved made him want to crawl into bed and cry until there was nothing left. He was starting to miss the days of numbness the adjustment period caused. He took a deep breath and then continued the conversation.

“Can you give me the address please, I want to come over and sort this out as soon as possible, I just want this over with so I can move on with my life too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual thanks for sticking with me and commenting and giving me Kudos... You all make me happy!!
> 
> I know everything is a little dark at the moment, but I promise you the light will shine eventually!!  
> I told you it would be a slow burn... :)  
> Stick around for the next chapter, Mickey's going to be a free man soon!!
> 
> Love and kisses xo

A week after Svetlana’s visit Mickey’s lawyer come’s to visit him to discuss his appeal.  
“Mr. Milkavich, so very good to see you. We have fantastic things to discuss!”

Mickey eyed the tubby guy in the suit sitting across from him. He didn't really like the guy and was trying to see how someone like Keith could actually be friends with this fake as shit ass hole. He was definitely better than the court appointed lawyer he had at the beginning, that's for sure. The chick that represented him looked like she had just finished high school!! She had no idea what she was doing. This guy might be a a jack ass, but he was a knowledgeable jack ass!

He ran a hand through his dark hair then lent forwards so that his elbows were resting on his knees. He dangled his hands between his legs and began rubbing his left thumb back and forth over the black inked K on his right hand and looked up at the man.

“Did Gallagher give you what you needed? Did you see him? How was he? Does he look ok?”

Mickey’s right leg was bouncing so hard from nerves that he his elbow slipped off and he had to quickly fold his arms across his chest to regain his tough guy composure. He also dragged his legs under his chair to stop them from bouncing around like crazy. He knows that the redhead was done with him, but he still can’t fucking help himself for caring about the idiot.

fucking fire crotch!

“Yeah I met him, nice guy, very helpful. Gave us all the information we needed, much more than we were expecting really. He actually wrote out his own statement to add to the one we wrote. He talks at length about the stress he put you through and all that you were trying to do to help. Makes our case look good, it pushes the point we are trying to get across that you were under undue stress and that you snapped. We ended up amalgamating the two so now it’s looking hopeful that you will be getting out of here soon. Your Counsellor has been a massive help also. Appeal is soon, if everything goes to schedule we will have you out in a month, two at the most. Now Mickey, you have to understand that you won’t be getting off completely. You will probably be under house arrest when you get back; you will need to keep up with your counselling and anger management for a while as well. Employment is needed once your house arrest finishes. I have spoken to your wife and she assures me she has taken care of lodgings for you. Not at your father’s house, as it seems you have an issue residing there now. Any questions?”

As happy as Mickey is about the news of a possible release, he needs to hear about Gallagher. His knee is absently back to bopping away, up and down, he starts scratching at his chest again. He strokes his finger over where he knows that name is, just thinking about him always makes the tattoo itch. But he needs to know how he is, if he asked about him.

“Did Gallagher say anything to you, about me? Or about anything? What did he say when you told him I agreed to move on”

He bites the inside of his already raw cheek. A bad habit when he’s nervous and stressed. Something he has been a lot of since the breakup. He hates these stupid feelings he has. Everybody always assumes that he only became aware of them when he and Ian got serious.

Assholes, they don’t know shit. 

He’s always had them. He just never showed them. How could you, growing up with that ass hole Terry as your father. But he has always cared. He loves his siblings and has always done what he could for them when they really needed it, especially Mandy, he would kill for her. He just never expressed how he was feeling in words. Not until Ian made him. 

True, Gallagher gave him more of a moral compass, but he still likes a good fight, nothing quite like the feel of bones crunching under his knuckles. He would rather steal than pay for shit that isn't worth the money ass holes try to fleece everyone for. He was still the same Southside piece of shit, and he knew he always would be.

But Ian made him feel like he could be himself; he could be the real Mickey. The Mickey who loved cleaning his guns at the kitchen table with his legs up on the lap of his dorky boyfriend who was sitting across from him eating his stupid breakfast grinning at him like a clown. The Mickey that could sit at the Alibi knocking back beers with the locals and not be afraid that they would know, just by looking at him, that he was gay. They knew now and, as surprising as it still was for him, they didn't care. And Ian gave him that. He might be a tough guy when it comes to fights, but coming out wasn't something Mickey thought he could ever do. But Ian gave him that strength and reassurance. He made him free, and Mickey missed it. He missed him. 

“Mr. Milkovich, is that really the only questions you have for me?”

Mickey rubbed his bottom lip with his thumb, raised his eyebrows and leaned in staring at the other man. 

“Fucking answer man, my times almost up”

“He said that he was willing to do this under your stipulations that you will not talk to him or pursue him in any fashion whether it be romantic or friendship based. He said he has moved on and is seeing someone else. He wants no problems from you if you are released” 

Mickey’s stomach dropped, he was going to throw up. He had hoped for a different reaction. He wanted Ian to freak out at the fact that Mickey was done now too, instead he has himself a new toy and couldn't give two shits about Mickey. Oh god, he really didn't care about Mickey. He’s moved on so fucking quickly. 

Bet the fucking guy is an Adonis wanker just like fucking fire crotch. They probably rub their giant cocks against each other at night laughing at how Ian was once with some piece of shit like Mickey. They probably go running together and hold hands in the fucking supermarket buying that fucking weird lettuce shit that people make in to weird fucking Shrek looking smoothies. FUCK.

He wanted to hit something, let his frustrations out in the only way that he knew how. Mickey starts to pull himself together as he feels the eyes of his lawyer staring at him. He shoos his Lawyer away.

“Just let me know when I can get the fuck outta here” 

He doesn't wait for a response and stands up and makes his way over to the guard. 

“I'm done; wanna go back to my fucking two by four”

His voice is strained and his arms are to his side, fists clenched so tight that Mickey feels as if his veins are going to explode from the pressure. He doesn't have to look at down to know that his knuckles are white.

“Calm down Milkovich, thought you got some good news today?"

“Yeah fan-fucking-tastic news, can we fucking move it along now”

By the time he makes it back to his cell he is so wound up he doesn't know what to do with himself that he just sits down. He faces the wall because he knows that if someone looks at him right now, he’s gonna throw punches and he’s kind of a little scared that he won’t stop. He starts scratching at that chest tattoo, that name; it suddenly feels like it’s burning his skin, seeping into his blood like poison.

“Yo Milkovich, what’s up man” 

Mickey turns his head and eyes the guy at his cell door, this guy has been sucking up Mickey ass since he got in. He keeps himself seated, still scratching his chest, somehow pushing the urge down to leap up and rearrange that face that’s smirking at him.

“The fucking sky… What the fuck d’ya want?”

“Sorry man, you all good? Need me to get you anything? Something that'll put you in a better mood maybe?”

Mickey eye’s the guy for a second contemplating telling him to get on his knees and suck him. But he has a better idea.

“Actually yeah, I need something. Know anybody with a clean shiv and something fucking antiseptic or shit that knows how to carve a dumb ass chest tattoo off?”

 

_____________

 

 

Ian knows that the appeal has been and gone through but he has no idea about the outcome. It's been over a month since he spoke to that lawyer and Svetlana has been MIA for a while so he hasn't been able to try and get any information out of her. Vee and Kev were no help either. They said that Svetlana had asked for some time off from working at the Alibi, apparently her sister or something is moving here and she'll be gone for a while or something. But that’s all they know. They didn't say anything about what’s happening with Mickey. 

Is he getting released, did he get less time, or did it fail completely?  
He has no idea and it’s doing his head in. He leans his head onto the kitchen table and stares at the back door counting the bits of chipped paint that’s waiting to fall off.

“Hey man, you coming to visit Carl in Juvie with everyone today?”

Ian looks up and sees Lip at the fridge; he looks like he has been there awhile. Ian hadn't noticed he’d been too lost in his mundane task. He’s been sitting at the kitchen table with the slice of banana bread Fiona brought home for, shit, an hour according to his watch. He hasn't touched it at all. He has been so caught up with his thoughts that he forgot to eat. He takes a bite of it and downs his lunch time pills before he processes what Lip said to him and finally answers him.

“Yeah, I'm coming. Can’t miss a good old Gallagher family trip to Juvie Can I! How long are you here for by the way?”

Lip downs the rest of his beer and grabs another one from the fridge. He lights up a cigarette and takes a seat next to Ian thumbing the beer label. Ian notices just how tired and older Lip is looking, his curly ash blonde hair looking messier than usual, the bags under his have grown since the last time Ian saw him.

“Only a couple of days, got a shit load of things to do at school. Taking time off is hard man. My grades aren’t as good as I was hoping they would be. Kind of really struggling, you know?”

Ian just nods, but he doesn't know. He has nothing to do with his days but take his meds, take Liam to school and clean up this shit hole. He has no college, no job, and no fucking love life either. He just works out, does his therapist bullshit and smiles for everyone so they don’t ask him 24/7 if he is ok. Today’s been a struggle; the moment he woke up he knew it was going to be one of his low days. But he’s getting used to it by now. He does his stupid morning mantra in the mirror that his shrink has told him to do, and as ridiculous as it is, it kind of helps him push through the day and not be to down about everything. He realises Lip has been staring at him for a while whilst Ian was lost in his thoughts when Lip clears his throat.

“You okay? Everything good with you?”

Ian sighs… “Yeah Lip, things are getting better. Just having one of my down days, that’s all.”

He looks at the concern etched all over his brother’s face and chats away with him hoping to distract him from that concern.

“I've been looking around for a job though. Money’s tight here with just Fiona’s income and whatever Debs and I can scrounge up. Been helping the lady across the street move out and tidy her place up so I could add some money to the funds and buy some of my meds. Fi’s been dipping too hard into the squirrel fund to cover for all the prescriptions and doctors’ appointments for me. Starting to take a toll. Plus a steady job will be good for me, get me in a routine and shit. Shrink thinks I'm ready, I feel ready too. ”

Now its Lips turn to just Nod. He knows that having him gone and fending for just himself and not the family any more has put the Gallagher house under strain financially.

“I went to Kash and Grab the other day for some groceries and shit. Kash is back with Linda and he offered me some work there again but, I don’t know. Considering we had our little thing and all, might not be a good idea. But fuck, we really need the money.”

Lip downs the rest of his beer and gets up and grabs another one. He leans up against the counter and stretches. Ian’s craving a beer, he can handle one or two now that he’s been on his meds for a while but doesn't want to risk it on one of his bad days. It tends to make the sadness worse and his head get foggy. He hates that fog, it makes his moods unpredictable.

“Fi should be here soon, you ready to go?’

“Yeah. I'm ready”

 

Ian jumps out of his char and starts grabbing his coat off the hook but he can feel Lip’s eyes boring into the back of his head.

“Look Ian, maybe you should take the job back with Kash. It’s a bit of money to help take the burden off around here. Plus, it'll get you out more, get you doing something other than moping around here pretending you don’t miss Mickey”

Ian’s head snapped around at the mention of Mickey’s name. He jutted his chin out and glared at his brother

“Fuck off Lip, I don’t miss him. I broke up with him. I was done. Finished. Over it. I even lied and told him I was seeing someone else, you know. Stick the knife in further. He’s over it too now so there’s no need for everyone to talk about us. There is no us any more!!”

The words are spilling out of his lips, but he doesn't mean anything he is saying.

“Keep telling yourself that Ian, and one day you might believe it. And on that day, Frank will become clean and sober and take us all to Disney land.”

Lip puts his now empty beer bottle down and makes his way to the front of the house.

“Grab your shit Ian, I’ll meet you in the car. We’re all going to Juvie!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's Back!!!!
> 
> And someone's not too happy about it!

Mickey walks out of the prison, lights up a smoke and stretches in the sun. It’s not a warm day by any means, but the sun that’s poking out behind the clouds feels so fucking good that he can’t help but stand with his eyes closed tight and his face pointed up to the sky. He stands there for a few minutes soaking it up, letting the sun warm his pale skin, smoke hanging out of his mouth. Freedom.

“Yo! Dickbreath.. What the fuck you think you are? A fucking sunflower? Get yo ass in this god damned Car!”

Mickey looks over to where the voice came from, blinking to try and get the sun spots out of his eyes so he can see who the fuck is interrupting his moment. He knows that voice though; he’s heard it basically all his life. But it can’t be… She left?

“Fucking hell Mandy? What the fuck are you doing here?”

He looks over at her beaming face, black hair hanging down to her shoulders, bangs covering her black Kohl rimmed eyes. 

Bitch still wears too much of that stuff, some things don’t change. 

He can tell she’s about to make a run for him and hug him, he'll do his usual thing and act like he hates it but seriously, he loves her hugs. And then she’s squealing, running at him, leaping at him with her arms around his neck she swing there like a monkey hanging from a tree. 

“Picking your dumb ass up from this shit hole, obviously!”

She kisses him on the cheek, letting her brother go and laughing at him in amusement as he pretends to wipe the kiss off his cheek and lifts his mouth up in disgust. He then flips her off, with both of his hands, but smiles at her as they begin to walk to the car.

“I drive and drive forever to get her from stupid dumb boyfriend. We beat him up for being asshole. Take his money and come back home. She live with us again. One big happy family in new house” 

Mickey looks over to his Russian wife as she juggles their son on her hip. He hands Mandy his cigarette with one hand whilst slapping her on the back of her head playfully with the other and then takes Yevgeny from Svetlana. 

“Hey little man, look how big you are!'

The baby coo’s at him and smiles as Mickey lifts him up in the air and then brings him back down again to kiss his cheek before handing him back to Svetlana.

“Right, let’s get outta this fucking place; I am aching for a beer and a joint that doesn't taste like ass”

Svetlana hands him the baby back as she jump in the front drivers seat of the car, Mandy claiming the front passengers seat. Svetlana starts the car up and looks at a dumbfounded Mickey who just stands there, holding the baby, with his eyebrows up, glaring at the girls.

“Why the Holy fuck do you think your Russian ass is driving, get outta my car with your fat ass and give me my keys”

Svetlana doesn't move, she rolls her eyes at Mickey

“Listen ass head. Get in back. Spend time with Yevvy.”

Mickey looks at the baby on his hip and just shrugs. He puts him in the car seat and goes around to the other side.

“I'm only doing this coz I wanna do it. Decided sitting in the back gives me a prime sleeping position, and I'm fucking tired so you two bitches can just shut the fuck up, I want no yapping while I'm napping”

Mandy turns around to him and flips him off

“You’re seriously gonna love the view from our new house Mickey” 

She giggles mischievously and Mickey thinks maybe she lost her mind when she moved away.

 

Mickey most definitely does not love the view from his new house. He’s standing in the top floor bedroom, which has been delegated as his, looking directly across at the fucking Gallagher house. 

“Why the fuck did you rent this shit hole. Why In the whole of south side did you situate my fucking ass across from their fucking house? Seriously, do you Russians have vodka for brains, coz this is a truly huge fucking disaster”

Svetlana moves a few of the boxes around to so she can stand by the window next to Mickey. She grabs him and turns him around to face her keeping both her hands on his arms. 

“This house cheap rent. This house good size for all of us. Close to Vee, Kev and twins for babysitting. This house all we get. I tried. Sorry”

She kisses him on the cheek and goes to one of the other rooms to unpack her stuff. Mickey is still stuck staring at the house. It doesn't look like any one is home. He makes out the room that is Ian’s, well; at least he thinks it still is. Mickey can see his bed through the open curtains. He feels his dick getting hard as he stares at the bed and thinks of all the times he had sex in there, of all the times Gallagher took him hard, pistolling him into the bed so roughly that once or twice they actually thought they may have broken it, or Mickey. 

He walks over to the door and kicks it closed whilst his hand starts undoing his belt so he can place his hand on the throbbing erection in his pants. He notices a lock on the door and swiftly locks it. As he recalls memories of him and Ian, his hole starts to pucker, feeling empty and void and wanting, so badly wanting that freckly ginger boy from across the road that has all the right stuff to fit into Mickey so perfectly, filling him in all the ways Mickey likes. 

He starts to think of all the times Ian had him bent over, legs spread and full, so very full. He spits on his hand because he has no idea where any of his Lube would be in this massive pile of boxes, and honestly he’s hungry for release he can’t wait for it. He needs it like he needs air to breathe right now. He starts stroking himself and sliding his hand in quick pumps up and down. He stares at the bed and conjures up an image of Ian standing there with Mickey bent over against the window frame. He imagines Gallagher’s face as he leans over and licks Mickey's neck before he begins to suck and bite at the skin until it feels tender and raw. He pumps harder and harder, because he knows he wants a quick release, needs a quick release. He imagines him whispering into his ear, it feels so real that he swears he can feel his hot sticky breath on his lobe “Come for me Mickey, come for me” He imagines the licks he used to receive on his ear lobe and then starts pounding harder and harder and harder

“Fuck…Yes…Oh, SHIT” 

And Mickey is done a hot sticky mess in his hand and a cock that is still slowly spilling more of his liquid on himself. He finds one of his tops and wipes the mess away as best as he can and realises he needs to change his boxers, and jeans. Fuck. He starts rummaging through his boxes till he finds a sleeveless shirt and a pair of sweats, that’ll do. 

“Fuck face… Stop Jerking off and help us move the last of the furniture.”

Mandy’s voice comes from somewhere in their new house, and Mickey blushes at the thought that she actually might have heard him touching himself. But he knows his sister and wants to assume it’s just her usual banter with him and she has no idea that she is actually right. 

“Fuck you raccoon eyes, I was getting changed. I'll be down in a second”

 

__________

 

Lip pulls up to the house at around 6pm. They grabbed food on the way home and they’re all exhausted from the trip to Juvie. Ian has spent most of the ride with his face pressed up against the window. He feels foggy this afternoon. He started feeling this way when they got to the Juvie and he hasn't been able to shake it since. He’s been staring at the clouds out of the window trying to figure out which one resembles the one that’s taking up all the space in his head the best. He knows that it would be a dark one, one that’s on the verge of dropping water, or striking out a bolt of lightning. That’s kind of how Ian feels right now. He could let water out, just a few drops that could fall from his eyes, maybe eventuating into a down pour, drenching him in sadness and despair. Or let out a massive bolt of lightning and hit something so hard it crumbles into pieces. He hasn't decided what his foggy cloud will do yet. He’s hates these moods the most.

“Ian, Ian. Moving Van”

Liam leans over Ian and points at the moving Van that is pulling out of the driveway across the road. Mrs Fischer moved out three days ago, so he knows that the Van is dropping off new furniture for new tenants. He can’t be bothered looking at them. They’re probably happy people, with happy lives and no brain fog like Ian. He opens up the door and gets out. He doesn't look over at the house like his brothers and sisters are, he just starts making his way into his house so he can go fall down onto his bed and wait for the rain or lightning to be released from his foggy cloud. 

“No fucking way.” Fi

“What the actual fuck” Lip

“Oh my God” Debs

“Yay, its Mickey!” Liam

That’s what made Ian turn around. His eyes widen as he takes in the form carrying out empty boxes and dumping them out the front of the new house. The guy has Dark hair, pale skin and definitely looks like Mickey. With night creeping around, and the street lights not working the greatest around here, there could be a possibility that it might be someone that just looks like him, but that walk. That big dick swagger… It’s definitely his Mickey.

 

Ian is just staring at him when he eventually looks up, he stares straight at Ian and then he quickly turns around and runs inside. That’s when it happens. Ian’s foggy cloud in his head decides what it wants to let out.

Lightning, and a whole fucking lot of it.

He storms over to the house across the street to Mrs Fischer’s house which is now, quite obviously, Mickey Fucking Milkovich’s house. His siblings all try and grab him to pull him back but Ian’s had nothing to do for months but sit at home and work out. He’s strong and he easily gets past them all.

He stomps up the steps and gets his fist and bangs on the door so hard he swears his fist is about to go straight through the new cream door he painted four days ago. He is shaking with rage. If Mickey wanted to cut Ian out of his life, why the hell has he moved across the street from him? He runs a hand through his hair and waits for the door to open.

“Alright, alright. Keep pants on” He hears Svet unlock the door. And her face smiles up at him

“Hello new neighbour. You welcome us. Very nice orange boy.”

He takes a brief look through the door and looks around for Mickey but can’t see him anywhere.

“Get. Mickey. Now”

They’re the only words he can spit our right now through his clenched jaw, he swears he can feel steam pouring out of his nostrils like an angry dragon finding a knight he wants to burn. Mickey is his knight. Mickey wanted to be his knight in shining armour but Ian stopped that. And Mickey said he was done, and would leave Ian alone. But now he is here, somewhere, in this house.

“Mickey says he does not want to speak to you.”

He got that message loud and clear from Svetlana weeks ago and the lawyer as well. 

“Really, coz he just moved in across from my house. Kinda seems like he might think a little neighbourly chat might come from this”

Svet looks him up and down and raises an eyebrow up at him. She doesn’t look angry but amused.

“You don’t look chatty you look punchy. Mickey isn’t allowed to fight. You go now. Calm down. Come back tomorrow. Trust me. He no go anywhere” 

That makes Svetlana giggle. She composes herself and looks at Ian and sighs.

“Ok. Go home now.”

She closes the door and Ian realises that Fiona is tugging at him, trying to get him off of the porch. His legs hold strong, unmoving as she tugs and tugs. Her gentle voice comes out in the way a mother would do to soothe an upset child. 

“Come on Ian, we can deal with this later. C’mon kiddo, let’s go home. I’ll make you a hot chocolate. I took some of those little marshmallows from work. They used to be your favourite”

Ian turns around and looks her in the face the anger is slowly transforming into something new. He doesn’t know what yet. He still feels angry though, and Fiona’s tone and words are pissing him off.

“No Fi. I don’t want your fucking hot chocolate, I am not a child. And for the record, it was Carl that liked the marshmallows, not me.”

He storms over to his house, past the rest of his still stunned siblings and straight through his front door and up to his room. He sits on the bed still reeling waiting for the next emotion. The lightning is still there but it’s waiting, biding its time. He looks out the window at the house across the street and thinks he can see a shadow watching him from the upstairs window. The room is too dark to really see, and Ian’s head is still foggy so he closes his curtains and just sits there staring at his hands. Watching his long fingers curl and uncurl, counting the freckles on his hand, trying to think of something other than Mickey. That’s when the foggy cloud in his head decides it wants to rain. First it’s just a few light drops that fall from his eyes and then slowly the down pour comes.

Liam comes in and hugs Ian “Love you, it’s okay” 

Ian smiles. But it’s not okay. How can it ever really be Okay again. 

 

\----------

 

The moment Mickey saw the Gallagher's he freaked out. He didn't see them at first he had his hands full of boxes but he heard Liam call his name as he looked up and the first person he actually looked at was that fucking giant, redhead. And man did he look good, shocked, but really fucking good, and also really fucking angry, which kind of made him look even better, fucking sexy angry fire crotch. 

“Fuck” 

That’s all Mickey says before he bolts into the house and into the Kitchen.

“I fucking told you crazy bitches that this wasn't going to be good. Fucking Gingerbread saw me and he looks fucking pissed. You got us into this mess Bridezilla, you fucking fix it. Under no circumstances is your stupid ass to let him in here, got it? And I am not fucking talking to that crazy Redhead right now. I do not need this fucking bullshit. It’s my fucking first night out of jail god damn it!!”

Svet stops what she’s doing and puts her hand on her hip, before she can say anything the thunderous banging starts. Mickey ducks behind the kitchen island and shoo’s Svetlana towards the door.

“Pussy man” she tuts at him

He flips her off but stays crouched down. He does not want Gallagher to see him, no fucking way.

He tries to listen to what they’re saying, and it really shouldn't be that hard because he knows that both of their voices are raised in an argument, but Svet left the fucking Radio on in the kitchen whilst she was packing stuff away and the front door is too far away for him to actually hear anything. He sits down on the floor hiding behind the kitchen island, peering around every now and then to see if he can see anything at all. 

She closes the door and walks back over to him in the kitchen

“He gone now. Come back tomorrow to talk”

“Fuck no he aint! I said no talking, and I fucking mean it!”

Mickey runs up the stairs to his new room, he doesn't turn the light on because he doesn't want any of the crazy Gallagher’s to spot him, especially his ex-boyfriend. He steps back from the window so that there is no light illuminating him and watches. It looks like Ian is only just leaving his porch. He watches him as he storms passed everyone into the house. The rest of them stand outside gas bagging like a bunch of old hags, obviously talking about the abomination, meaning him, now living across from them. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Liam walk inside and then Ian’s room (yes it is definitely still his) glows to life as Gallagher slumps down on the bed and Mickey swears he turns his head and looks straight at him with the strangest expression. He sees Anger, frustration, confusion, sadness and maybe even longing? That doesn't seem right. He steps back further away and Gallagher draws his blinds so Mickey can only see his shadow. His beautiful silhouette that looks so fucking sad that Mickey feels that whatever pieces are unbroken in his own heart break till there is nothing left. Mickey shakes his head

Get a grip Milkovich you’re turning into a whinny little bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you all keen for them be finallyface to face!  
> It's happening and I'm going to try and put it out as soon as possible, but I want to make it right.
> 
> Hope i'm doing them justice and writing the characters the way you imagine them. 
> 
> As always, Big love for the support, Kudos and comments are always appreciated x


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey was scowling in Ian’s face and Ian loved it. He could see Mickey was pissed off and Ian felt good about that. He is jealous! Ian couldn't help but fall into old habits of playfully teasing him.
> 
> “Fuck you. You should know that once this dick has been in your ass it's little hard to give up, aint it Mick?”
> 
> With that Ian grabbed a handful of his own cock and Mickey was done. Ian saw the lust in his eyes and so he moved forward towards him, ready to make a move...

Ian wakes up in the morning and stretches out from the foetal position he fell asleep in. Today is going to be a high energy day. He can feel it already like his blood is firing away with electricity slowly ebbing through his veins. He smiles. The fog has lifted and that beautiful sun is shining inside him warming his skin from the inside out and making him feel happy to be alive. He opens up his curtain hoping that some of that sunshine he feels inside of him might actually be outside as well today. And then he sees the house. Mrs Fischer’s old house that is now the new, stupid Milkovich house. He had been so mad last night when he saw Mickey. Now that the shock was over Ian realised he wasn't as angry any more just really confused as to why Mickey would choose to live across from him if he didn't even want to be friends.

Ian’s still staring at the house when the front door opens and he spots a dark haired girl with bangs stretching as she walks outside. She’s only wearing a t-shirt and her underwear. Ian doesn't have to look closer to know that it’s his other favourite Milkovich. He tries to pry his window open and finally he gets it.

“Oh my god!! Mandy!! Mandy Up here?”

He watches as she looks around to see the face of the voice she can hear. She covers her eyes to get rid of the morning sun shining in them so she can look up at him properly. She smiles happily and sleepily up at him giving him an over enthusiastic wave which makes him smile right back.

“Hey ass face, long time no see! Come down and I’ll poor you a morning coffee! I’ll bring it over to your side of the street. Meet you on your porch?”

“Yeah, just give me 5 minutes”

He quickly throws some clothes on and bounds down the stairs and grabs an orange and his pills and heads out to the porch.

When he gets there Mandy is just crossing the street, she still isn't wearing any pants which is just so typically... Mandy. She beams up at him and waves. Ian has always loved that smile. Just like Mickey she rarely smiled, but when they did they both had beautiful toothy grins and their smiles always reached their perfectly sea blue eyes. It just made Ian grin like a dork and make him feel all mushy and warm inside.

“Hey handsome, look at you all big and strong. I swear you must eat fertiliser for breakfast or something coz god damn it Ian, you sure are getting fucking tall”

He wraps her up in his arms for a huge hug and lifts her tiny frame up easily, swinging her legs around as she flashes passers by her underwear.

“Nah, you’re just a midget like your brother”

She giggles and wraps her arms around his neck

“I fucking missed you, you giant dork! Put me down now so I can take a better look at that freckly face of yours”

He puts her down gently and they both take a seat on the front porch, Ian grabs a coffee mug from her, takes a sip and starts meticulously peeling his orange. He always has, and probably always will try to peel it off in one big curly strip.  
Mandy sits there staring at Ian, she eventually starts talking again. 

“Hmm, not as many freckles as there used to be! But you look good. Really good. Are you, ya know… good?’

He’s used to that question. He knows what she’s really asking. Are you still crazy?

“Yes Mands, I’m good. Taking my meds so I don’t go all crazy. Finally started to level out so I’m doing good. You? Why are you back?”

She sips her coffee and then steals a piece of his orange and eats it before she replies.

“Boys are douches and I had to get far away from a giant one. Mick was getting out, little Yevvy needed his awesome aunty and I thought you might enjoy having my charm and beauty back in your life”

Ian starts eating his orange and Mandy just looks at him for a while longer. He’s trying to sort out the things he really wants to ask her, trying to figure out how to get it out right. Scatter brain again. He sips his coffee then downs his pills and sips it again to wash away that chemical taste in his mouth. He brings his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them, hugging them. He turns his face towards her, resting his cheek on his knee.

“Why that house Mands? Did he know?” 

Mandy looks over at the house for a while then leans back on her elbows and stretches out like a cat in the sun.

“It was up for rent, it was cheap and we needed something so Mickey had a permanent residence. He has like, home detention, and we needed to lock something in before they would release him. We couldn't take him back to Terry’s, not sure if that fucker will get out or something while Micks still on home D. I promise, he did not know and he is just as pissed as you are. He doesn't want to live across from the guy that broke up with him ”

Ian’s still hugging his knees and looking at Mandy, her eyes are still closed. He closes his before he asks the question that is burning in his chest.

“He doing ok?”

“I don’t really know, you know my brother, he’s not much of a talker about these kinds of things. I found out from Svetlana that you broke up with him; neither of you ass holes told me. I… Ahhh...went to his appeal and heard what his doctor said and if she wasn't lying to help get him out, well…. I think he was doing really bad Ian. I think you really fucking broke him. I think he is still broken.” 

She looked at Ian for reassurance that he could handle what she was saying. He was still hugging his legs but he lifted his head up and rested his chin on his knees and looked over at the Milkovich house and furrowed his brows. He didn't say anything to her, and she didn't say anything to him for a while. He waited for her to continue. She was fidgeting so he knew she had more she wanted to say.

“Mickey’s tough. And he'll pull through. We Milkovich’s always do somehow. I need to know Ian, Why did you do it? I don’t really understand. I know you were sick and not doing well. But HE was doing everything he could for you; I have never seen him like that. He loved YOU completely and it was a really beautiful thing to see! I thought you loved him too. Why did you do it?” 

Ian was now staring up at the top window of the Milkovich house. The one he saw the shadow in, the one he can see a shadow in again. He could've told her he did it because Mickey was doing everything for him, because he could see how it was killing him and Ian couldn't do that to him any more. Even just simply telling her that he had needed to sort himself out on his own without Mickey and everyone else telling him what to do would've been better than what actually came out of his mouth.

“Needed to. I dunno. It felt, right I guess”

“You serious? That’s it? That’s your fucking explanation?”

He took his eyes away from the window, let his legs go and stretched them out. He looked over at her and saw how mad she was at him. He didn't want to give her the whole talk about why he did it; he didn't want Mickey to hear it from her. And Mandy could not keep her mouth shut. He was hoping that at some point soon, he could tell Mickey himself about what had gone through his head that day and maybe about how he felt now. So he just tried to brush her off.

“It’s all I've got to say right now.”

That wasn't what she wanted to hear; Mandy stood up and began walking over to her house. She turned around and looked at Ian with anger in her eyes and a voice thick with venom.

“He deserves better Ian!!! You can be an ass sometimes!!”

Ian just looked back up at the window. He knows Mickey deserved better and he knows he fucked up.  
Manic Ian fucked Mickey up.  
Depressed Ian fucked Mickey up.  
Newly Medicated Ian REALLY fucked Mickey up and the now level headed Ian couldn't fix it.  
How could he ever make it better again? All he could really hope for was that Mickey would at least give Ian the chance to explain.

He knew that Mickey would never forgive him. He would never let down those walls again, especially not for Ian, not after all the shit he put him through. The idea of ever being with him again seemed so impossible. The truth is, He always wanted Mickey. If that day had gone differently and Sammi hadn't of shown up things might not be so bad right now. Yeah he flipped out and had a melt down after seeing the look on Mickey's face. Really, it was just an argument, Ian throwing a tantrum and breaking up with his boyfriend on a whim. His head and heart fighting with each other and considering his head was so messed up at the time, he just let the poisonous thoughts and decisions control him.

But with Mickey being arrested, and Ian feeling numb and all over the place. He started to dwell on things more and more, he was hating his life so much and being so confused about how being bipolar was changing him. He started to think that he was just no good for Mickey and that his boyfriend would be so much better off without him. Mickey was in Jail. Out of sight, out of mind, that's how Ian dealt with it.

The thing that really pushed him over the edge, really made Ian decide that this break up was for real, was his mother. She was unstable as fuck, clearly. But she said one thing that rang true and still does. 

Ian would always end up hurting the people that he loved and that loved him the most because of this…illness. He just couldn't let the guy he loved with all of his heart live a life with him full of pain and heartbreak. 

If he had decided to stay with Mickey there was always the worry that Ian would lose it again. What if he slipped up with his meds or began to adjust to this dosage and went all bat shit crazy again. Hurt Mickey? Cheated on Mick, Stressed him out? Had him running around all of Chicago again searching for Ian? What if this time he actually hurt Yev? Ian might not have been able to remember everything when shit got bad but some of it he can remember. Most of it is just pictures in his head of Mickey’s face, disappointed and scared that for the life of him he cannot erase!!

Mickey had already been through so much with his homophobic father, the fake marriage and baby he never ever wanted. He had surprised Ian by adjusting to finally being able to be who he was, what he was. Mickey had the potential to actually finally start living a good life and although Ian ached from losing him, he had felt like he had to let him go. He had to try and let Mickey live a good life. 

But now that Mickey was only across the road from him and Ian was doing better and had sorted out his feelings he wasn't sure if he could stay away from Mickey. He was so torn between whether or not to try and get the love of his life back or let him go? What was the best for the both of them? 

What are you going to do now Ian?

 

___________

 

Mickey watched his pant less sister sit on the Gallagher porch and have a nice good old morning chat with freckles in the sun. Yeah, he really hated the view from this house. Mickey stared for a while until he saw Ian glance up and he backed up again. He still watched. But just a little further away. He didn't want him to think he was a pervert, he already looked like a stalker by moving across the road from the poor guy. 

How the hell did he get into this mess, fucking Gallagher’s!

He made his way down stairs and poured himself a coffee. The front door opened and slammed as Mandy stormed in

“Morning you little ray of fucking sunshine! What? Did an ant bite you on the snatch whilst you were having a nice old chat with the redhead over there? Serves you right for not wearing pants outside douche lord”

Mandy basically threw her coffee mug in the sink

“Jesus woman! Ease up!”

“Fuck him, he’s a prick. Do not ever take that ass face, dick sucking, wank stain back Mick! Or I will taser your balls until they look like dried, shrivelled up old raisins. He doesn't really give a fuck about you or anybody, just himself. If he did, he would be over here fixing the shit he fucked up. But he couldn't give a shit Mick. Selfish ass hole”

The dick sucking comment almost made him get wood, but then the following comment of tasered balls quickly had that notion taken away and had Mickey cross his legs and grab his balls because that thought fucking hurt.  
But the thing that hurt the most was the comment that Ian didn't give a fuck about him. That killed him.

“Lay off on the talk about my balls Mandy, kinda pervy and incest. I am not down for that. Also, fuck Gallagher and his whole fucken' clan over there. Think I give a rat’s ass. I'm over it Mandy. S’Bout time you got over it too. I need more fucking beer in this house and since I'm not allowed to leave this pile of shit, on your way princess”

Mandy just looked at him for a while and then the anger slowly left her body and her face. Her expression became softer and she started walking slowly towards him.

“Mick, I know you. You think I don’t, but I do. We’re blood and I've known you my whole god damned life, I know how you deal with shit, putting you’re -I don’t give a fuck- face on. It’s alright to be upset and angry. He fucked with your head and your heart. It’s ok to let it hurt for a little while Mick.”

It was too early and way to fucking personal for Mickey to deal with this shit. He put his coffee cup down and tapped out a cigarette from his packet. He lit it up and  
leaned on the chair looking her right in the eyes.

“I know I like taking dick Mandy, but that doesn't mean I have a vagina and faggoty feelings. This shit is in YOUR head. Get me beer; I need to wash your sappy feelings bullshit off of my skin. That shit is like the plague”

He didn't break eye contact with her. He kept smoking his cigarette until she threw her pants on and walked out the door. He made his way up the stairs into the bathroom. He locked the door and turned the shower on but he sat on the edge of the bath with the comforting noise of the shower pouring down hard hitting the floor with force, He let the noise soothe him as he bit his lip fighting the tears that were welling in his eyes.

Do not cry, Milkovich’s do not cry!!!

Once he finally got his shit together he stripped and jumped in the shower. He got out, got dressed and headed down to watch some TV and attempt to relax. The front door banged.

“SVET.. DOOOOOOR”

Mickey yelled up the stairs, but he remembered that she had yelled at him whilst he was in the shower about going and getting groceries. Fuck Mickey’s shitty ass life. He would have to get up and answer that door. He got up off the couch with a sigh and answered the door only to see a tall and awkward, handsome, redhead with his arms crossed holding a coffee mug in his hand. He tried to gauge what kind of mood Ian was in, he was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't angry any more. He looked nervous and confused but not angry. Mickey could tell that Ian was trying to pull his tough guy act, Standing tall, arms crossed jutting out his chin. Eventually he looked down at Mickey and spoke.

“Mandy had a tantrum and left this with me, thought I’d do the Neighbourly thing and return it”

Mickey hadn't properly heard his voice in months. Yeah, last night he had kind of heard it, but with Svets radio on he couldn't really appreciate it. He could today. It took him awhile to grab the cup from Ian’s out stretched hand. Mickey finally did though, making sure to occidentally touch those lovely long fingers with his own. He looked up at those eyes and felt his knees go weak. Ian nervously wet his lips with his tongue and Mickey snapped. He needed to breath, Ian being here right now, this close, was suffocating him.

“Cheers Gallagher, now get the fuck off my porch”

He went to quickly slam the door but Ian stuck his hand out pushing the door wide open. Mickey jumped back at the sudden movement from the other boy. He had one arm out stretched holding the door open and he had grabbed the door frame on the other side with his other hand. He was leaning in closer to Mickey now. He could see the freckles that splattered his nose lightly, and the intense green of his eyes that were wild with anger. 

“Fuck you. Look I fucking know now that it wasn’t your choice to move across from my house. But cut me some slack would you? It still fucking sucks Mickey. Can we try to not make this any worse than it already is?”

Mickey registered that Ian’s lips were moving he watched intensely as words spilled out of those beautiful, kissable lips. But he couldn’t think clearly. How could he ever be over this kid? He was beautiful and Mickey just wanted to touch him. Ian removed his hands from the door and rested the rest of his body on the door frame and crossed his arms. He had his eyebrows raised, looking at Mickey obviously waiting for something… Oh, probably a reply to whatever the fuck he just said. Mickey was nervous and started chewing on the inside of his cheek again. 

“Heard you got a boyfriend”

What the hell, why did that come out of my mouth???? 

Mickey watched Ian as he ran his hand through his hair and looked down at Mickey in horror. 

 

__________

 

Ian was frozen at the door. What the fuck, why does Mickey think that.. Ohhhhh. The day he went to sign the forms at the lawyers. Ian was pissed because Mickey had said he was moving on, so Ian thought he would make it look like he was moving in to and invented a boyfriend.  
Seriously? Good one crazy pants.

He had come over here to talk to Mickey and explain himself. He wasn't sure if he wanted to push to get their relationship back, or just remain friends. All he was 100 percent sure of was that he knew he had to apologise and that he wanted Mickey in his life someway. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at Mickey standing there. He had his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt that showed off Mickeys beautiful muscular arms. What the hell do I do about this fake boyfriend? 

“Yeah, kinda.. I guess so”

Ian didn't know what to say, he had never really been good at lying. Omitting the truth, yeah, flat out lying? Not so much. He started getting fidgety and started playing with the cords of his sweatshirt

“Good. Maybe then I won’t have to see your ass as much.”

Mickey still stood there with the same expression, arms still crossed.He tried to sense Mickey's feeling on the subject of Ian having a boyfriend. But his expression never changed. Ian didn't know what to do or say and he wanted badly to get off the topic of his fake boyfriend that he just blurted out whatever he could think of. 

“Going to start working again, I got offered my job back.”

“What? Shaking your ass at the gay club? Grinding your bits on old man balls again? Jeez Gallagher”

Ian laughed. And he saw Mickey start to relax. He watched him grab a cigarette and light up. He handed one to Ian, he took it and lent in so Mickey could light it. He could smell the cologne Mickey always wore. It made him feel warm. It made him think of better times. He lifted his eyes to the mans face and answered.

“Fuck no, My old job. At the Kash and Grab”

“With that fucking towel headed paedophile? Mind you your dick is probably too fucking old for him now… Whatever man. I mean, he’s not the new boyfriend is he?”

Mickey was scowling in Ian’s face and Ian loved it. He could see Mickey was pissed off and Ian felt good about that. He is jealous! Ian couldn't help but fall into old habits of playfully teasing him.

“Fuck you. You should know that once this dick has been in your ass it's little hard to give up, aint it Mick?”

With that Ian grabbed a handful of his own cock and Mickey was done. Ian saw the lust in his eyes and so he moved forward towards him, ready to make a move.

“Why’s your ass on my porch Ian? You come to apologise for being a giant douche burger?” 

Mood killer Mandy was pushing her way through the two boys to dump the beers she had just bought inside. Ian watched as Mickey turned away from him and started walking off into the house.

“He brought your mug back. He was gabbing on about his new old boss and new boyfriend, which maybe the same person. But now he’s about to go too-da-loo right the fuck outta here, aint you Gallagher?”

“You didn't say you had a boyfriend or a job”

She walked over to the door where he was still standing, he could still see Mickey who was now standing at the fridge with the door open, putting his beer away. He wanted to leave now and not have to sit there and lie to the people he cared about.

“You kinda left in a hurry, gotta get this job thing sorted so I'll see you later Mandy. Fuck you Mickey” 

Ian turned to leave but he took one last look at Mickey as a small cheeky grin took up the left side of the dark haired boys face.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I have to man up and apologise, soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i keep saying it but, thank you, thank you, thank you!!  
> I love all the Comments and Kudos..
> 
> I have a few chapters to post tonight, full of arguments, tears and a little reconciliation ;)
> 
> Hope you're all still happy and loving this story xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What have I told you? Do not ever say that! You deserve the moon and the stars Ian. We all do, so take what’s yours and what’s handed to you. Because if you didn’t deserve it. It wouldn’t fall into your lap.”

After his confrontation with Mickey, Ian headed straight down to the Kash and Grab and took him up on his offer for a job. He needed the money and something to do. Telling Mickey about the job made him realise that he really did want to work again.  
“I will probably only need you for the evening shifts. Linda wants me to spend time with the children at night, family dinners and such. I need someone to cover nights. Does that suit you?”  
Ian nodded. 

“I need the money so whatever you have is all good. Thanks Kash”

Kash stepped out from behind the register and started walking over to Ian.  
“You look really good Ian, you uhhh… seeing anybody”  
Could this day get any weirder? The job was starting to look like not such a good idea. But then Ian had an idea about that stupid boyfriend lie he had already told. Telling it to one more person shouldn’t be too difficult. 

“Yeah I am, kinda new but definitely getting serious, we’re exclusive. So… Ummm…When do I start?”  
Kash stopped advancing towards Ian and started stacking the shelves instead. Ian could see the disappointment on his face. Yep, works going to be awkward.  
“You can start on Monday, 4 till 9, Is that ok? Or is waiting four days too long? I know your family needs money quickly sometimes?”  
“No, we’re all good at the moment. Well, I…Uhhh.... I’m having lunch with the boyfriend so… seeya Monday I guess”  
Ian couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Maybe he hadn’t thought about this enough before telling Kash yes. Not only did he now have to work for an ex-boyfriend who clearly still has a hard on for him, but he also used to fuck Mickey in the back room, so going in there was gonna be hard, and probably make Ian incredibly hard in the process. Fuck his shitty fucking life. Ian checked his watch and realised that his Drs Appointment was only an hour away. If he walked really slow he would get there half an hour early but maybe Dr. Meredith would be free to see him early. Lucky for him she was.  
“So how is everything going, Meds working out well still?” Her smile was always so genuine and infectious. Ian smiled back beginning to feel relaxed

“Yeah, they’re really working well I think. Still having bad days, snapping in an out of bad moods. It’s hard sometimes to rationalise things. Like you said, I tend to over react easily or dwell on things more than I possible need to. But I’m not as harsh on myself as I was at the beginning, since the diagnosis. Ummm… Mickey’s back”  
He shuffled in his seat before he started spilling everything, he was relaxed with her and she always made him feel better. She was the only person that he could be utterly honest with and he knew that she wouldn’t judge him, too much. 

She already knew all about Mickey, so now he was getting her up to date on the release and the tension that was now enveloping him and Mickey. He told her about the made up boyfriend.  
“Okay then, this is a lot for you to deal with. You need to remember our exercises about prioritising your thoughts and actions. About taking the time to assess situations and then react. It takes a little while for people with your disorder to be able to think clearly sometimes. If you feel you are in a situation where you can’t. Walk away and come back when you have taken the time to think. You can do this Ian. You have really come through so much in these last few months. Don’t let anything get away from you. You can do this. It’s just a small… Okay, maybe not small, but it is just a bump in the road. I have spoken to you in lengths about reaching out to Mickey. I understand you are scared Ian. But you tell me time and again that you still love him. Whole heartedly. You really should be honest with him, and yourself. I believe that deep down you know what you want now; now that your head is clearer. You said that you are unsure if your paths are the same now. But you still care deeply for him. Perhaps you should think on what you actually, really, really want. Do not let being Bipolar define you and make your life choices. You are not bipolar, you have bipolar. Remember that. It is just a small part of you. He was willing to stand by you once, perhaps he still is. It’s not your choice to decide if you are right for someone, they have a right to decide that on their own Ian.”  
Ian took a deep breath and nodded

“I want to talk to him. I will try, I promise”  
“Good, now have you thought anymore about what else you want from your future? I told you that there are some good little community colleges nearby that offer rather cheap study options. I know money is tight for you and your household. But now you have a job, you may be able to pay for some classes. You have told me you really enjoy working out at the Gym, how it helps calm you down and makes you feel good about yourself so I took the liberty of doing a little research and I have some information that I want you to have a look at. Let’s call it Homework. Have a read, play around with some numbers. See if there is anything you like and can afford at any of these places”.  
She had moved from her seat behind her desk to walk over and drop a folder full of class and college information into Ian’s lap. She leant on her desk and Ian smiled up at her.  
“You’re too good to me, Thanks Meredith. I really don’t deserve all your help. Free appointments with you and you always do this extra stuff for me. Honestly I don’t deserve this”  
Ian slumped his head down. He felt that fog creeping into his head coming in thick Smokey clouds.  
“What have I told you? Do not ever say that! You deserve the moon and the stars Ian. We all do, so take what’s yours and what’s handed to you. Because if you didn’t deserve it. It wouldn’t fall into your lap.”

To prove her point she tapped the folder in his lap and he looks back up at her.  
Now get out of here, enjoy the rest of your day! I’ll see you in a fortnight ‘kay?”  
And with that the fog creeped back to wherever it came from and Ian was beaming again. He walked home smiling and admiring everything around him. He was going to be okay. Today was a good day after all. And he did deserve things. He really did. Good things. Like a job he loved!  
He had his family, who could be annoying as all hell, but loved him with such a passion it drove him crazy 90% of the time. He got close to his house and looked over at his new neighbour’s house. He plopped himself on his porch and began thinking about what he really, really wanted. What he wanted more than anything in this world. He wanted Mickey. He wanted to hug him, laugh with him, and touch him. He wanted that so bad that he felt the pull in his heart dragging him over to their house. One step at a time Ian. Apologise to him and try and at least make good with Mickey. Maybe be friends again, the rest would fall into his lap if he really deserved it. And with that he found himself back on the other side of the street, knocking at his new neighbour’s door. 

 

_______________

 

Mickey was way over half way to being drunk by now, and he was only 5 beers in.  
Stupid Jail, ruining my drinking abilities  
He was standing in the kitchen debating whether to have another beer or a joint or both when there was knocking at his front door.  
“Man, can’t a guy just chill without all this fucking pounding on my door and shit”  
For the life of him he couldn’t think of who it would be. Mandy had a trial shift at the diner, Svet was at the alibi? Maybe one of them had finished and forgotten their keys.  
“No need to keep banging, hold your fucking tits on I’m fucking coming”  
He opened the door to see his redheaded neighbour grinning sheepishly at his front door.  
“What the fuck you want this time Gallagher? Didn’t cop enough abuse this morning, you’re back for another round? Lucky for you I’m a little liquored up and could go a little bit of a tussle. So what the fuck you want ass baloney?”  
“I…Ahhhh.. I just wanted to.. Ummmmm.. I just…”

The kid was super nervous, which made Mickey nervous  
“For fuck sake Gallagher spit it out already, I’m sobering up whilst you stutter like a fucking broken ass tractor”  
Mickey was leaning on the door haphazardly, in his blue tank top and just his boxer shorts. He watched Ian awkwardly stammer away and then finally start talking again. It came out in a big burst of messed up words.

“I need to apologise, to you. And I really wanna do it properly but my head gets foggy still sometimes and I can’t get my words out properly and I wanna make this right Mick. Like, I really do. I don’t expect you to like get back with me or anything. I just wanna be friends. Or at least not be hating on each other so much. Can I come in? We can talk and shit, please”  
Ian and his fucking stupid ass puppy dog eyes, Mickey kept looking at them and could feel himself getting sucked in. But he was to close to being drunk and him drunk with Ian in his house would end bad. But he didn’t want him to leave.

“it’s getting stuffy us fuck in here and Svet uses so much of that perfume it smells like a whore house and I am choking. Let me chuck some pants on and I’ll come outside and smoke a joint with you. You okay to smoke joints, or that make you go all Lady Gaga and shit?”  
Ian chuckled lightly and Mickey could see him start to relax a little

“Yeah man, I can smoke a little bit. Not too much or I’ll start running down our street wearing a meat dress and coke cans in my hair. Go put some pants on. I’ll wait here. Can I grab a glass of water or something though, if that’s cool? No beer if I’m smoking a joint though. That will really fuck me up.”  
Mickey smiled at him and laughed at his meat dress comment. He chucked his sweats on and grabbed a beer and poured Ian a glass of orange Juice then walked out the front and sat with Ian on the steps of his porch.

“Here you go freckles, now I’m keen as beans to hear this apology of yours, It better be real fucking good”

He leaned against the rails partially so he could stare at Ian as he apologised. One, because he wanted to watch the fucker squirm and two, because god damn it if Mickey didn’t like the look of his sharp chin, high cheek bones and the way that the one lock of hair always fell in front of his eyes. Ian began rambling. Nervously looking and playing with his hands as he spoke.  
“Ok. Here it goes. I fucked up... A lot. Especially before the psych ward. But... also after. I shouldn’t have fucked off with Monica. I just felt like she was the only one who could understand me... She had what I had, I was her flesh and blood, and she had to understand me... Right? She had to be the only one to understand me. She told me I didn’t need the meds, and I hated them Mick... I really fucking hated them. But when I was with her…  
“And ignoring the million fucking calls from me” Mickey piped in, harshly.  
“Please Mick don’t interrupt. It… It confuses me and makes it hard for me to think straight, please just... Just wait till I’m finished. Please” 

Ian looked at Mickey like a sad lost puppy, his green eyes glistening from the tears Mickey could see that Ian was trying so fucking hard not to shed. The look of desperation cut Mickey so he just took a swig of his beer and let himself soften a little and waved Ian on to continue.  
“Sorry...Give me a second” Mickey watched Ian as he closed his eyes and Mickey wanted so badly to touch him, because he could see that Ian was struggling to get his train of thought going and he looked so vulnerable. 

Jerk move Mickey, keep your trap shut from now on.  
Ian finally opened his eyes and started his rambling again.  
“When I was with Monica, I watched her not make a single rational decision about her life..... Selling shitty drugs to truckers, jumping in any vehicle to go anywhere they would take her, living with a guy who was only a little older than me, and a total prick.... They were cooking drugs in the middle of fucking Timbuctoo for fuck sake!! She had no ambition and no fucking care in the world for anybody, not even herself. When I realised this, I wanted to be as far away from her as I could be.... She was, no she is, toxic, poisonous, selfish and... hurtful... and that’s all she ever will be Mick. And... I’m like her!!”

Ian sucked in a big gulp of air and wiped away a tear that had managed to escape him. Mickey was dying inside; Ian was calling himself Monica, Toxic, poisonous, selfish and hurtful. And Mickey knew, that was far from who Ian Gallagher was. He was beautiful and caring! Whenever Mickey was around him he felt alive, he could breathe, and he was free. So he knew, that no way in hell could Ian ever truly be Monica. He bit his bottom lip to stop from speaking and telling Ian what he thought, he also bit his lip because all he wanted was to pull that blubbering idiot to his face and kiss his beautiful pink lips.  
Ian finally composed himself and continued. Every sentence he spoke next became louder and he struggled to keep his tears back, and it was breaking Mickeys heart to watch and listen.

“The whole way home... all I...all I kept thinking was... I hate her, I am her, but I don’t want to be her! But at the same time.... I didn’t... I didn't want to be on these drugs. I was too numb on these drugs; I felt nothing but... empty. There was no love, light or happiness left in me. It was gone, I couldn’t hold on to what it felt like to love my family, my self.. and.. and .. You!!! I forgot Mickey. Not actually forgot but, it just went away. I couldn’t feel it. I knew that I did, I think so anyway but I couldn’t feel it at that moment. Not whilst I was foggy anyway. I dunno if this is making sense. But when I got back and told you I was home and I saw you running. I… I saw it in YOU, Mick. You loved me; you missed me, you feared for me. You were feeling all these things and so much more… Anger, hurt, confusion and sadness Mickey, I saw the sadness. I… I didn’t feel anything. And that’s when I thought, maybe, I could just not take the drugs and feel again. If you would let me, but then I had Monica in my head all the stuff she said and then the stuff she was that I didn’t want to be. I was so fucking confused and I just……It…I thought”

And then Ian just lost it, the fog was back bringing that rain cloud full of sadness and salty tears that Ian just couldn’t keep in any longer. He started crying uncontrollably, his whole body shaking violently from the deep sobs he was letting out and although Mickey was feeling hurt, confused and sad, he couldn’t help himself, he dragged that lanky redhead over to his lap and wrapped both his arms as tight as he could around Ian Gallagher. He was facing Ian’s side, straddling him in between his legs. He leant his chin on Ian’s shoulder and started talking to him lightly in his ear.  
“It’s ok, shhhhhh, just let it out, it’s ok Gallagher. I’ve got you, it’s okay”  
And just for that moment, it was. Ian lent his head on Mickey’s chest and cried for a while longer, burying his face into his neck moistening the other boys skin with his tears, and Mickey just held him. 

Svetlana came home and silently (surprisingly) made her way with Yev around them and went inside. Mickey still held Ian, Ian still cried.

Mandy came home and knelt down between Ian’s legs and hugged him too. By that time Ian had dried up and his cloud was lifting. But the crying had drained him and he was tired.  
“I ahh, gotta go home. Dinner and… Meds. You know. But I need to say one more thing before I go; I’ve adjusted to the meds now. I… I can feel again. I still don’t feel 100% me yet, but I know I won’t stop taking them. I don’t want to be who I was, you know, all crazy highs, and really low lows I’m not saying that I’m not gonna fuck up again, coz I might. I dunno. But, I’m trying Mick, I really am.”

He wiped his face on his sleeves and got up to leave.  
Mickey just sighed and put on a fake smile for him. He got up and stood on the step next to Ian 

“We didn’t get to smoke that joint fire crotch, and you made me sober up. Look, I got some shit I wanna say too, and you know that don’t happen very often so you best be coming back tomorrow. We can light up and I can get mad at you, for a bit or something, then I might make you wear that meat dress you were talking about just so I can laugh at your tall pale ass in a fucking dress, bring some heels with ya!” 

And with that Mickey smacked him on the back and went inside. Mandy smiled at him  
“Guess I’ll see you later then, told you it would be ok if you apologised. But Ian, don’t get your hopes up too much. Friends maybe, but if you’re expecting more it might take a miracle. I know he still cares about you, but he let it all out for you and you cut him. He might not be willing to do that again”  
Ian was too tired to say anything so he just nodded and made his way across the street, to his house.

 

__________

Mickey didn’t sleep much that night. After he left Ian on the porch he climbed straight up to his room and sat by his window. He managed to hear the last bit of Mandy’s conversation with Ian  
“…he let it all out for you and you cut him. He might not be willing to do that again”  
If Ian replied to Mandy, Mickey didn’t hear it. He watched Ian slowly walk the small walk from his porch back to his own. He looked so small from up here. So defeated and broken. 

Broken. 

Mickey was also broken and that boy with the puppy dog eyes, he broke mean old Mickey Milkovich. 

Mickey who had knuckle tattoos saying Fuck u- up. And people knew that those knuckles would do exactly that. Grown ass men crossed the street to avoid him and had done so since he was 13 years old. Now at 21 Mickey was basically a full grown man, and he let Ian Gallagher who was technically a teenager at 19, break him into pieces. Mandy was right, Mickey wouldn’t, couldn’t let Ian back in like that again… Could he?  
He thought about Ian's apology, It was good to hear it but at the same time, Ian wasn't being completely truthful. Mickey remembers that day so well, Ians face screaming at him, hurting him. He felt that day, and Mickey knows it. He stayed by his widow for a while waiting for the light to go on in Ian’s room. But it never did. He turned his light on instead rolling a joint and opening his window wide to lean out and feel the breeze on his face. The breeze was chilly but not too cold. He stood there smoking his joint for a while. Every now and then his thoughts would get too much for him that he would place his head into his hands, shake his head and then slide his hands down his face. He would then repeat this process again and again until he had enough, and took himself inside to try and get some sleep. It wasn’t going to work, all he could smell was Gallagher on his clothes and on his skin. The weed smell was there, and the beer but Gallagher was just too over powering. Mickey could’ve stripped off and taken a shower. But truth be told, Mickey is a sucker for punishment. He took his jeans off but left his tank and boxers on. He slid his hand under his bed to find his shoe box.  
Mickey was never really one for too many toys; he tried a few things once he figured he kind of enjoyed the idea of ass play. But once he had Ian, he really didn’t need them anymore. Ian was a top, and he was a fucking good one. Mickey got a lot of surprises that day that Ian stumbled into his room with a tire jack threatening to beat Mickey up.  
They had started punching and throwing each other around. Ian did alright for a scrawny kid but eventually the bigger boy got the better hand and Mickey ended up pinning Ian down on his bed in between his legs. The tire iron was now in Mickeys hands and he was seconds away from smashing that pretty freckly little face in, until he realised that Ian looked kinda hot laying there, face only inches away from Mickeys dick, they fumbled and began stripping and it was then that Mickey realised it was actually Ian who had the better hand and was the bigger boy… His dick was big for his age! Mickey knew that as he got older it was only going to get bigger. “The fuck Gallagher”  
Mickey had fooled around with guys before, but at that stage he was claiming to be straight. In his little world getting head doesn’t make you gay, giving head does. Fucking someone in the ass doesn’t make you gay, taking it does. So Mickey had only ever fucked guys and never been fucked before. But he played with himself and he wanted to try it so bad, but he couldn’t coz like, he wasn’t gay or any thing.

They were fumbling all limbs and cocks and asses smashing together awkwardly. They’d both done it before but somehow, this was really different. It felt frantic and hotter, needier, Ian had managed to grab Mickey’s dick and he got straight to work on it, with his mouth.  
Mickey kept his eyes closed most of the time that Ian dominated his cock with his mouth. Ian had his mouth full continuously deep throating all of Mickey again and again bobbing up and down like a mad man. Mickey peeked down to look just as Ian hollowed out his cheeks and gave Mickey’s dick some well-deserved suction and Mickey hissed “Fuck..Shit” He watched as Ian let mickey pop out of his mouth and began stroking it whilst his other hand fumbled with finding the lube he had in his wallet. 

Mickey groaned and begged “more mouth…please” eager to oblige Ian bent down and ran his tongue down Mickeys shaft until Mickeys pre come leaked out of his red hot slit. Ian finally worked the packet of lube out of his wallet and started grabbing at it ripping it open and covering his fingers whilst his mouth took over the care of Mickeys cock again.  
Before he really knew what was going on. Ian was pushing him back on the bed with his, non lubed up, hand. With Mickey flat on his back Ian spread Mickey’s legs open and started sucking him off again and then gently began rubbing his lubed up fingers around his rim, moistening the hole up on the outside. And Mickey really wanted it.  
“Oh God. Yes. You can fuck me. Do it. do it. Fucking now” Ian began making quick work of his hole sliding one finger in and then two. He smirked at Mickey giving him that look that told him he knew that Mickey had clearly either done this before or played with himself regularly because he had opened up so easily and was ready quickly. 

Mickey jumped up on all fours the moment he was ready and Ian took no time in getting his condom on. He saw that Ian was hard and ready, he watched him stroke the lube on and pretty much dive in. “Shit… So tight.. So good. Fuck” Ian began slurring along with Mickey as they rocked and bucked banging so hard that when Mickey and Ian came together the bed had knocked Mickey’s side table off and everything on it cluttered loudly to the floor. 

Mickey quickly pulled the sheet up over him and laid down, in shock because he had never let anybody fuck him before… Maybe he really was gay? Coz that sure felt better than anything else he had ever fucking done.  
Mickey slid the box back under his bed; he wrapped the now used and in need of a clean, prostate massager into a shirt and vowed to get to it in the morning. He was spent. He has no idea why he began thinking about that very first time he and Ian had sex, the first time Mickey became a bottom. It was messy and weird, Scary too because Terry walked in straight afterwards catching them in bed together, luckily he didn’t realise at that time what was really going on. Despite all of that it was still an amazing sexual experience. Especially because it involved his carrot top. Mickey smiled and started drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sigh..... My babies, I just want them to be happy little rainbow boys skipping off into the sunset. 
> 
> Hope it's still keeping you entertained and you're enjoying it.
> 
> I'm I dragging too much?
> 
> Next chapter... MICKEY MELTDOOOOOOWN!!
> 
> xo


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was back to pacing in front of Ian, his voice became raised as he shouted the next sentence
> 
> “FUCK. You meant EVERYTHING to me”

Ian had been sitting in his lounge room, after his breakdown, watching Mickey smoking out of the upstairs window in his own house. He had looked so sad, and he kept pawing at his own face, shaking his head. Ian knew it was his fault. He knew that now, not just his actions but his words were clearly hurting him. Ian just wanted to run over there and fix it. Fix what he had done. What his stupid brain had made him do, and would probably at some point make him do again. How the tables have turned. Now Mickey was the good guy. And Ian was the piece of shit that everybody hated and feared. 

Faces and ribs mended, hearts not so easily. People were scared of what Mickey could physically do. Ian was more scared about the emotional damage that he, himself caused people. Not just to his family but also his friends, and his Mickey. 

He agreed to go over tomorrow and let Mickey say what he wanted to say…   
Ha! Ian really HAD done a number on him. Shut off Mickey that couldn't ever say how he really feels, actually wants to spurt it all out!

But it’s all going to be bad. Ian knows that and accepts that, but that still doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.   
He feels bad because his apology was half assed. He hadn’t been completely honest with Mickey, he had felt feelings that day, but Monica’s words had been repeating in his head that he would only cause Mickey pain. Having that running through his head and being able to actually see it all over that beautiful face. That was too hard to admit. And he had kept it to himself. He felt like shit.

 

Ian had slept like a baby that night. All the crying and shit he did had definitely worn him out. He sure as hell felt it when he woke up the next morning, so he took his time getting ready and eventually began to make his way to the stairs to head down to the kitchen. Fiona met him at the top of the stairs with Liam. She kissed him on the shoulder as he walked passed her.

“There's coffee and donuts on the counter in the kitchen… Mandy brought them over. I’m taking Liam to school, I’ll seeya later” 

when he walked into the kitchen he found mandy sitting on the table drinking coffee and stuffing her face with donuts. She had powdered sugar all over her lips.

“Hey Orange Soda. Brought you some super nutritional breakfast over, thought I’d get you all super prepared for Mickey Meltdown. Coz it’s totally gonna happen. He’s been pacing all morning. The fucker woke me up at 6am wearing a hole through our floorboards in our hallway. He gets angry every now and then and punches shit. I think he’s doing so that he has no punch left in him to mark your pretty face.” 

Ian looks at her and sits down at the table. He wants this shit over with; he wants everything to go back to normal. Normal Ian and normal Mickey. Why did he have to royally fuck everything up? His head hurts and his eyes still sting from yesterday. He knows he looks like shit; he looked at himself in the mirror this morning looking deep into his red rimmed puffy eyes. He needs to crawl back into bed and never wake up. No, No... He needs to run. Running clears his head. Nothing but cool air on his hot tense body, muscles tightening and reminding him he’s alive, he’s still Ian, sort of. It clears his head, the music from his iPod blasting away all his stupid thoughts. He takes a swig of the now luke warm coffee and starts eating a donut.

“It’ll be okay Ian, I know it seems like it won’t be. I know I said to expect nothing. But. He still loves you; otherwise he wouldn’t be carrying on like an idiot over there.’ 

She puts her hand on the side of his face and turns his head towards her. Green eyes meeting blue, the same beautiful blue eyes as Mickey. 

“You’ll be fine. Put your big boy pants on and face the music. It’ll be fine. I know it will be”

But she doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. All he knows is that he fucked up and can’t take his actions or his words back. They’re out there now. Floating in the air, suffocating him. Suffocating Mickey. He needs to breathe, he needs to run.

He opens up his pill bottles and takes his morning dose.

“Gotta clear my head Mandy, I’m… gonna go for a run. Then I’ll come see Mickey. I will. I promise. Thanks for the breakfast and the pep talk, love you” 

With that said, he leaves her sitting in his kitchen and heads out the back door too scared to go out the front. He doesn’t want to look at that house yet. Mickey’s house. The house where just last night, he told Mickey that he was Monica, that he poisons those he loves, and that he fucked up and that he is scared to fuck up again and again and again. It’s so much easier to leave someone than have them leave you? Right? But that’s selfish, that’s Monica. That’s Ian. He turns his iPod up to blast the thoughts out.

He runs until his sides ache, his heart pounds and he can feel his blood pulsating all over his body. But he feels good. Clear in the head. Even if it’s just for a little while. He tries to hold on to that feeling as he takes the steps two at a time and breathlessly knocks at Mickey’s door.

“Shit Gallagher, you run from New York or something, you look half dead. Your hair is drenched with sweat. Hahaha…you look like a fucking drowned rat”  
The drowned rat comment makes them both cringe inside making them remember that night not too long ago at the dugout before the MP’s dragged Ian away, who was drunk and happy, ready to go on his first actual date with Mickey.  
Ian tries to brush it off with a pathetic laugh

“Yeah… I needed a run.. Pushed myself a little too hard… kind of feel like I’m dying… Can I…get a drink?”

Mickey lets Ian through the door. He grabs him a bottle of water and hands it to him

“Don’t die on me yet Gallagher, I told you I have some things to say first.”

Ian can tell that he is trying to joke around but all he can see is the anger that’s there behind his eyes, behind his half grin. Mickey raises his eyebrows at Ian.

“You all good man?, probably should drink that instead of just holding it. Forgotten where your mouth is or something? Not like you? You’re usually chatty Cathy over here”

Mickey sits down on the couch whist Ian finally remembers how to drink his water. He can sense Mickey’s eyes on him, looking him over. Yeah, he clearly still likes what he sees. But that doesn’t mean shit any more. He might still like the outside, but Mickey knows what’s on the inside now. Ian is rotten and dead inside. Poisonous and toxic to anyone that gets close.

“Gonna park your pale ass on the couch? It’s stolen from some swanky house, so there’s no bug infestation on it or nothing. Your fire crotch is safe from crabs in my house, scouts honour”

Ian downs the rest of the water, watching Mickey as he skulls. Mickey’s nervous, Ian can tell by the way his knees keep bobbing up and down and the fact that he has swiped his thumb under his bottom lip four times already since Ian walked in.

Ian laughs and he’s finally found his voice again

“You weren’t ever in the scouts Mick. But I trust you so my fire crotch will take a seat now. And honestly, I’m not over here to talk. You are. So for today chatty Cathy is all on you.”

With that said Ian sits down and smiles at Mickey hoping to seem friendly and open to whatever Mick has to say. He watches as the blue eyed boy leans forward, elbows   
on knees, and then he finallylooks directly at him.

“Ok smarty pants. Firstly, you all good from yesterday, you don’t wanna add anything? Got it all out of your system?”

Mickey looks concerned, which is so sweet and so typical of New Mickey. Ian smiles and shakes his head.

“I said all I needed to say, for now. I think. I know there’s more shit but I… I think I need you to react to what I said yesterday. And… Fuck, Im’ really sorry for the blubbering mess I turned into. I don’t always get like that. I’m okay Mickey, yesterday was just months of emotions and words bubbling out. It was just a bit too much for me. Thanks for, you know, hugging me whilst I…You know, cried and shit”

Ian waits for a retort from Mickey about the hugging or crying comment, he hates all that bullshit. But it never comes.

“s’all good, gotta do what you gotta do right.”

Mickey stands up and starts pacing back and forth behind the couch he was sitting on. Ian can barely keep up with all the movement. It feels like forever before he finally stops, clears his throat and looks at Ian.

“Okay… Firstly let me get this out of the way. You are not fucking Monica, you will never be Monica. There are similarities, yeah… but you are so much more… I dunno, YOU than you are Monica. Like how I’m like Terry in some ways, not good ways either, but not like the really bad ways… And that’s like… how you are not Monica. You feel me?? You were sick, and dealing with it. Trying to figure out which way to go and how to figure it out in your own head. And you eventually decided to do this, to try and level yourself out, try the medications. You hated them but you stuck with it. And once they got a bit better in your head you realised, this could work and this is better than bat shit crazy stealing babies and fucking every cock in the whole of fucking Chicago. Am I right?”

Ian just nods. He’s right; Monica would never stay on her pills, ever. Ian’s been on them for months. 

“Do not ever say you are fucking poison or toxic or any of that other shit. You were loyal, sweet, and funny, even a bit of a bad ass at times. I don’t know who you are now. But that’s up for you to decide Gallagher. But one thing is for sure, you are not and never will be toxic. You hearing me? I never want to hear that bullshit come out of your mouth. Or I will knock your teeth out so you can’t form sentences and you look like a ginger gummy shark. We coming to an understanding now?”

Ian just nods again. He wants to hear more so he waits. Mickey paces again and then turns his body towards ian.

“Nah man, I can’t do all this talking I need to hear you fucking agree with me ok fire crotch”  
I  
an smiles

“Yes Mickey, I promise I will not say it again. And thanks for reminding me that I still have some good qualities. It means a lot”

Mickey finally sits back down on the couch but then gets straight back up to stand in front of Ian eyebrows raised to the high heavens.

“Alright, your behaviour while you were all crazy and shit is wiped clean between us. You were not in your right mind and you couldn’t help yourself… I kinda… well… I feel a little responsible, coz I wouldn’t listen to your stupid sister and make you get help sooner. So, yeah…Some of that is on me. But from now on we don’t mention it, Got me?”

Ian nodded. He really wants to tell Mickey that he isn't to blame at all. But he is dumbfounded at all the things Mickey is saying. Where's the abuse for being an asshole. What the fuck is going on here?

“Some of that shit from after the MP’s took you; I can be a little lenient with. But you weren’t manic anymore, so you shouldn’t have been so bat shit crazy to leave with your freak of a mother and leave me worrying about your ass. I fucking flipped out, I called you like, All. The . fucking. Time!... And I heard nothing back! I know you were still adjusting and shit. You know, I feel better, sorta, now that you explained the lack of feelings and shit but….”

Mickey had stopped looking at Ian. He had slumped down, back into the couch and had now seemed to find some spot on the floor as a better focal point than anywhere near Ian. He sighed loudly, his voice was quieter when he began talking again.

“… but c’mon man. You tell me you had stopped feeling things for me and shit.. like.. I told you I loved you, that was real hard for me, I came out, I started doing all that touchy feely bullshit in public for your ass because.. It meant something to you and you… Well you… “

He was back to pacing in front of Ian, his voice became raised as he shouted the next sentence

“FUCK. You meant EVERYTHING to me” 

It’s killing Ian to hear these words and to see Mickey so deflated and weak and so not like Mickey. Ian did this, and he has to take it. Listen and then somehow, try and fix it if he can. But he’s hearing words like you meant something, not mean something, And I loved you, not I love you… and all the little bits of hope are shattering with in him, slowly but surely.

“Out the front of your house the day you came back, after I sprinted to get to you, so I could hold you and yell at you too. You weren’t fucking emotionless; you were angry at me and scared about the changes in your life. And you know what pisses me off, you were angry at me, for trying to help you, NOT fix you, Fucking HELP YOU, there is a fucking difference you know asshole!! I told you that we were family and family stay together but you didn’t want to be my family. You didn’t want me”

Mickey wasn’t looking at Ian, he was pacing frantically, visible shaking from anger and the way he usually gestured with his hands had now turned in to full arm gestures.

“You fucking felt that day so do not tell me you forgot how to feel love or whatever. Maybe it had dimmed a little coz of your fog or whatever you call it. But If you loved me... if you really fucking LOVED me... you couldn’t have done that to me or continued to do that to me. You’re lying about losing your emotions; you had all your other emotions there that day, just not love for me… Not anymore, Maybe not ever!!! I dunno…. Do not even get me started on the prison bullshit, I begged and begged for you to come, wasted all my calls just to get your voice mail. I was DYING inside, I was Breaking Gallagher, I was fucking broken. I AM fucking broken. And Svet had to pay you, you fucking piece of shit… You made me feel things that I never thought I could ever feel for another person that wasn’t my family, you made me love you and then when I did, you fucking took it away and through it in my face!! You ripped me to pieces…“

Mickey finally looked at him and Ian could see his bright blue eyes filled with clear pools of water, he was holding them back as best as he could but he couldn’t hold off for much longer. Ian stood up and went towards Mickey, He wanted to hold him whilst he cried, just like Mickey had done for him last night. As he began to approach him, Mickey recoiled from his touch.

“Do not even THINK of touching me right now you… you… piece of fucking shit! Get the FUCK outta my house. I fucking HATE you, I never want to see your fucking face again! You come here and I will fuck your face up so bad that you will be unrecognisable to your fucking nearest and dearest, which NEVER has a never WILL include ME. I hate you Gallagher, your face makes me want to hurl. Get out, Get Out.... GET OUT!!!!”

As Mickey got angrier and angrier he had started storming towards Ian, spitting in his face with every harsh word he spoke.

Ian was such an idiot, how the fuck did he think that Mickey would ever forgive him? Be his friend again, let him in again and love him? He refuses to say his name; he hasn’t said it since he got out of prison, Ian had noticed it, it was like his name was poison to him or something. If he said it he would die. How the fuck did it get to this. Jesus Christ Ian, You just lost your one chance of happiness. Look what you did to this man! He turned around and stumbled out of the house.

He stood on the Milkovich’s porch and leant his head against the front door after he closed it behind himself, trying to gather himself, give himself enough strength to move but he couldn’t. He could hear Mickey inside throwing shit, punching shit, but the worst thing he heard was Mickey crying. Not quiet hidden cries, but howls and sobs and Ian had done this. He stood there for maybe another 20 mins waiting for the noise to stop… eventually the banging and crashing did. The howls stopped too. But Ian could still hear the sobs coming from inside. He just stood there quietly crying to himself, listening to Mickey cry. He has no idea how much time he has spent on this porch listening to the broken man inside but when Mandy comes and sits down next to him its almost pitch black and at some point he has sat himself down. She looks at him with sad eyes and hugs him and strokes his hair.

“Probably a good time to go home now Ian. It’s late and nothing else can be done right now. I’ll help Mick tonight, you go home for now. I didn't realise how bad he was, i'm sorry Ian. You gotta go”

She whispered so lightly into his ear as she hugged him around his neck. He waited a little longer to hear her with Mickey after she left him to go inside. Truthfully, he just wanted to hear his voice before he left.. A fuck off, just anything something that would take away the noise of his blood curdling howls and sobs that felt like they were stuck in Ian’s brain forever. He waited. He only heard Mandy’s soft voice after awhile.

“C’mon Mickey, let’s get you off the floor….”

He waited for the reply… The crying got louder again and Ian couldn’t take it anymore. He ran, not into the Milkovich house, not into the Gallagher house, he just ran and ran and ran until he collapsed vomiting from exhaustion or maybe it was from being Ian Gallagher, the guy who ruined Southside’s most loveable thug. 

 

__________

 

Mandy was lost. What the actual Fuck do I do? She and Mickey had always been kind of close. But only in a way that Milkovichs are close. This kind of shit, they did not do. She had caught Mickey shedding a tear every now and then. But this was not a tear this was a fucking monsoon. She had never ever seen Mickey like this and she was freaking out. She had walked in and found him in the kitched face down on the floor just wailing. she had sat next time him for awhile afraid to touch him, to talk to him. She waited for him to just stop. But he didn't. She eventually scooted closer and placed her hand gently on his back. When he didn't shrug it off she began lightly rubbing his back. the way there mother used to do when they were little. She leant in close to him and lifted his upper body up. The boy was just dead weight. She tried to make him stand.

“C’mon Mickey, let’s get you off the floor….”

She tried speaking to him gently as she tried to lift him. It didn't work, he just sobbed and sobbed. Right, tough love time!

“Dude, I cannot lug your hefty ass up without a little bit of assistance, usually when your passed out drunk you still manage to at least give me a little bit of a hand. This is ridiculous Mick! Help me get your short ass to the couch or i swear to god i'm going to fucking roundhouse kick you in the balls”

She had expected this little chat with Mickey and Ian to go bad, but this was even beyond what she could comprehend. She eventually managed to get him on the couch and throw a blanket on him. She sat on the other couch pretending to watch TV when all she really did was watch her brothers body convulse every few minutes with quiet sobs. Eventually he stopped, but she still stayed there. Thankful that Svetlana and her nephew were at Kev and Vee’s babysitting the twins for the night. This was not a pretty sight. And Mickey was already going to kill her for being a witness to this epic break down, no need to add the Russian and the baby right? She dozed off and awoke to what sounded like hammering and checked the clock.

“What the fuck, it’s three in the morning! Who does this shit” she glanced over to the other couch, no Mickey. Fuck!! 

She wandered upstairs and found him blocking his bedroom window with some piece of timber he found.

“We could’ve just swapped rooms if you didn’t like the view?”

“No windows at the front of this house, I’m patching up the lounge room one too. I do not want to see a single freckle out that fucking window. I do not want to see anyone with the last name starting with G and sounds like Fallagher. Actually, I don’t want any words sounding like that in this house at all. Or colours we will not discuss colours, especially the colour that blood is. Yep. Thems the rules”

He's flipped it!! The next minute he had her pinned against the wall with his Hammer aimed at her face.

“If anything about tonight is ever mentioned, I will cut your tits off and feed them to you and bury you in that field we planned to bury Terry in that time we planned on getting rid of him. You hear me? No fucking chatting up a storm to anyone. That includes me. It never happened and I never, ever, EVER. Want to hear about it. Good. Now get me the Jacks and some spray paint, i'm feeling all artsy fartsy and shit”

Then he slammed his bedroom door and that was it for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor broken Mickey! I'm sorry i did this to you, but... C'mon, it just had to happen!! Ian needed to feel the burn!!
> 
> Did a little Mandy POV.
> 
> Comments and kudos please?
> 
> I'm not sure if you're all still loving it??


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian deals with Mickey's meltdown and Mickey get's a pep talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you all are so super sweet! Thanks for sticking around x
> 
> This Chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I have BIG plans for the next one ;)

Ian woke up to the sound of birds, and the sound of sprinklers and then he was drenched.  
Fuck. Fuck. fuck.  
Where was he? He got up and got out of the way of the sprinkler and took a quick look around his surroundings. Why the fuck was he at the dugout. The dugout he used to play little league at. The dugout he and Mickey used to fuck at. Him and Mickey. Mickey.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  
He sat down. The whole conversation came pouring back into his memory. The talk. The argument. Mickey's rage. Mickey's tears. The crying screams of a broken man. He did that.  
He felt his phone in his pocket vibrate. He looked at it, he had barely any battery left, he could see that he had a lot of missed calls and messages though before it suddenly died on him. Shit, Fi is going to be pissed! He started heading for home. He missed his meds last night and he didn't make it home either, instead he ran and ran until he couldn't take it any more… then he made himself get back up and run again until his legs just wouldn't move. He passed out from exhaustion, from frustration, from the pain. Not from his own pain but from the pain that he had caused.  
He’s body was aching with a vengeance but somehow he made it home. He went the back way not daring to go through the front door and get a glimpse of Mickey’s house.  
Fiona was sitting at the kitchen table with Lip and Debby. They all looked like they hadn't got an ounce of sleep. Ruining more people’s lives Ian, go you.  
“Where the hell have you been? What the hell happened to you?” Fi  
“Can’t you use your fucking hands to answer a god damn phone, or text at least. Fuck Ian” Lip  
“Are you ok? Did you have some kind of ummm, episode? Are you still having one?” Debs  
“Let me answer one question at a time PLEASE!” Ian

His head was pounding, his body was aching, he felt sick. He knew they deserved an explanation, but right now he just needed them to shut up.  
“I fucked up, nothing to do with my bipolar. Just me. I had shit going on and I kind of had a moment. But I'm ok. I mean, I'm not ok, but I'm not manic or anything”  
He grabbed his pills and set them out. He looked at his siblings and continued as calmly as he could. As normally as he could. They all looked spooked and scared. He swears Fiona was holding her phone with the psych wards number ready and waiting on speed dial. He had to reassure them that he was ok.  
“I'm gonna have some cereal, and take my pills. Ok everybody. Then I'm gonna have a shower, then I'm going to bed coz I fucked up and I just need a moment. Please. Lip can wake me up for my lunch pills. I can’t explain it. Not right now, but I will. Just please try to understand that last night was a normal thing. I reacted normally to something. A little over the top, yes, but still normal Ian behaviour. Are we all ok here now??”  
He could tell that Fiona wanted to push him further, find it all out and try and fix it. But surprisingly she didn't. “I'll get you some cereal and a glass of juice to wash them down. You gotta explain though Ian, we were all really worried, later will be fine .” she said as calmly as she could.  
Lip didn't stop glaring at him, but thankfully he didn't say anything.  
Debs just patted him on the shoulder and then kissed his cheek.  
He ate his cereal, took his pills and then made his way up to the shower. He let the hot water soak his ice cold body. He didn't really wash himself. Just stood there reliving that awful conversation with Mickey again and again in his head until the water ran cold. He got out and made his way to his bed and eventually fell asleep with his back to the window. He refused to look outside at that house where he knew a broken man lived. His broken man.  
At lunch time he was woken up with gentle strokes to his hair, when he finally opened his eyes all he could see was a blurry figure with black hair and blue eyes, he tried to focus “Mmmick?”  
“No Ian, it’s Mandy. Sorry to disappoint. I came to check on your sweet butt and make sure you were ok. You’re actually burning up a little?”  
He felt cold, not hot. He was shivering. Yep, he managed to get himself sick. Stupid Ian.  
“I ahhh, grabbed your medicine and a piece of pizza, also hooked you up with something for this fever, here you go”  
He didn't want to eat, and he wanted this fever to stay, maybe it would kill him. Put him out of his misery. He sat up and took the food and the pills anyway.  
“Is Mickey..”  
She sighs before speaking. He obviously wasn't good. What a stupid question to ask! “I don’t really know Ian. Last night was… wow. I don’t have the words. It was probably perfect timing for yesterday’s shit to go down though coz he has his that shrink lady coming to the house today. I know she helped him deal in jail, so hopefully she can help him through this, ya know? she can do her magic on him. He kinda, ummm…made some errrrr… home renovations”  
Ian was already sitting up to eat his lunch but was purposely putting his back to the window. But now he had to look. What had he done?  
He looked at the house and at first he couldn't really see any difference. But then he noticed the windows. Mick's window was boarded shut with some timber of some kind. ‘Go Fuck Urself’ was spray painted on it in bright red paint. Clearly a message for his now not so favourite red head. He then looked down to the living room window and found similar boards on them also. They read 'Fuck of Fallaghers.' What the hell is with the misspelling on this guy?  
“I really fucked this all up didn't I. I ruin fucking everything. I should've told him everything the day before, when I apologised. There was so much more I needed to say Mandy, I should have realised that after that he would never speak to me. Now I feel like I won’t ever get the chance to tell him all of it. What the fuck do I do??”

He slumped his head back down on the bed. She didn't answer his questions, probably because there was no definitive answer she could give him. He looked over at her. She was sitting at the end of his bed staring at her house lost in thought. He sat back up and hugged her.

“I'm sorry I did this, to the both of you. I can see how worried you are. I'm going to find away to fix this Mandy, I’m going to make it right for Mickey”  
She didn't say anything she just turned and faced him and then....... She slapped him!! Really Hard. He felt the sting instantly.

“Ouch!! What the fuck was that for?”  
“I might be your best friend, but he’s my brother. Wouldn't be right if I didn't make you hurt a little for making him cry. And you better find a way to fix this!”  
She then leaned back over, Ian flinched waiting for her to slap him again, but instead she smiled at him cheekily and kissed the slapped area and stood up to leave.  
“Gotta go. Seeya later freckle butt”  
He can’t help but smile at her; he loves her and her craziness. And the way she loves so hard and so real, plus the girl had a strong hand!!

Ian’s body starts shaking his fever is really kicking in now. He wraps his tired sore body in his blanket and goes back to sleep for a little longer.

 

________

 

Dr Romani walked up to the house and looked at it and tutted. She made her way up the stairs and knocked on the door and waited. She could already tell by the boarded up windows that whatever was going on with her patient was going to make this day…. Interesting. Eventually the door opened at the dark haired guy that she had grown to adore, secretly, was standing there smiling like a crazy person.

“Mickey? What’s with the signs on the windows? Not really a good look….”  
she stood there raising her eyebrows up at him, he raised his back.  
“It’s one of those fancy creative art pieces, I call it Gingers suck. I like it, I feel like it boosts the streets appeal.” 

He continues to smile at her and ushers her into his home. She rolls her eyes at him as she walks past. They both take a seat at his kitchen table.  
“You need to take them down Mick. It'll hinder opportunities I have for you!”  
“The only opportunities I really want right now is to get my dick sucked.”  
She almost spits out her coffee in shock, she eyes him up and down and looks at his appearance, he just doesn't look right. She takes a look around and then notices all the empty beer cans on the Kitchen Island.  
“Jesus, are you drunk Mickey?”  
“Yes” he lights up a cigarette, amused at the shock on her face  
“It’s 10am”  
“It is, Shit!! I started at 2am, my tolerance is improving, I should be flat on my ass right now.”  
Dr Romani can tell something is seriously wrong. She spends 20 minutes bantering with him back and forth, letting him relax slowly,\ before he finally slips up and talks about his ex-boyfriend dramas. He briefly mentions the full breakdown he had last night, but tells her only about the fighting, not the crying. But she can see it in his eyes how badly this has affected him. His eyes are puffy and blood shot, and it’s more than just the alcohol that has made them this way. They talk for a while, she’s been pumping coffee into him and he’s now a little less drunk, pliable enough to get him to start taking down the boards on the windows with her. Whilst they’re busy pulling the boards off she wraps up the rest of their conversation. She’s gone over time with this visit by over an hour already. But this kid needs it.

“Now you have to figure out what you want to do Mick. I think you have it in you to forgive him. You know you don’t always just talk about the negative effect he’s had on you, you've spoken in length about all the positive influences Ian has had on your life too. I'm so proud you told him how much he hurt you. Would've been a hard thing for you to actually put all those emotions, the ones you have been keeping inside for so long, out there into words. I know you don’t really want the guy to suffer, but you both did deserve to have the truth out there. And now it’s time to move on. Yeah”

She looked across at him, he was taking it in, he nodded at her so she continued. 

“And by what you've said, he sounds like he’s kind of trying. Think about it. You've hurt him and pushed him away in the past too. Why isn't it ok for you to forgive him like he forgave you back then? Dealing with all that, even still now, would've been very confusing and overwhelming for him. Cut him a little bit of slack. I know the tough guy in you doesn't want to feel shit again. He opened your eyes back then… he made you see a whole other side of you. C’mon, put this drama aside. Just think about it at least ok? Anyway on to other news…” 

she briefly glanced at him to gauge how he took her advice. He was looking out through the living room window at the house across the street, the boyfriends house, and biting his lip in deep thought. She waited, gave him some time before she talked about her other news.  
“Hopefully I can minimize your home detention by finding you a job soon. I told you I grew up South side and I have a friend around here that may be willing to take you on as an apprentice mechanic. You will then be allowed to leave the house for work, but you will have to be home between the hours of 6pm till 6am. We have to do a few more of these sessions before I can put the paper work through to ask for the permission to take you off home detention and place you on curfew. Good news though, yeah?” 

Mickey smiles up at her, he starts scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, hopping from one foot to the other. This is his 'tell' that means he's about to say something complimentary to her, she's noticed it before. “Sounds great…you’re, ya know… alright, I guess… So, yeah, thanks”

She leaves him to rest, happy that clients like Mickey make her job so worth while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh Mickey, you're growing up before my very eyes!! *dries tears*
> 
> Next chapter has a the boys facing each other again....
> 
> Will they fight or will they fuck?
> 
> I'm hoping for a little of both ;)


	10. Chapter 10

Mickey’s was sleeping on the couch when Mandy came in. She has this problem with slamming doors behind her. Mickey woke up quickly and wiped the drool from his cheek. Fuck, he felt like shit from all the drinking he did earlier in the morning.

“How’d your session go butt head?” 

She grabs Yev out of his high chair and starts blowing raspberries on his chubby cheeks.

“Fine, toad breath, where’d you go?”

Mickey takes the baby back and places him in the high chair again.

“He, who isn't allowed to be named, made himself a little sick last night on his little adventure. I went over to tuck him in and make sure he was pumped full of medicine then I had to pop into work to help with inventory”

Mickey squirms just thinking about Ian, he lights up and takes a few pulls of his cigarette. He sits there tight lipped and tries not to ask the question that is burning on his tongue, but it escapes and it makes Mandy look at him like the cat that got the cream.

“Fuck head okay? What adventure?”

She flops on the couch next to him watching him squirm for a little longer before he eventually cracks.

“I asked you a fucking question trailer park Barbie, you gonna fucken answer some time this century?”

“Fine, calm down! I'm starting to think you’re the crazy one not him over there… He was a little upset after your ummm…’Chat’ yesterday and he went for a run. And kind of ran himself stupid. He didn't come home last night and he wandered in all feverish at like 5am or something. Lip reckons he looked so freaked out like a naughty puppy who had pissed in his owners shoe hahaha”

Mickey ashes his cigarette and stares at the TV.

“Sounds like he was trying to slink in from a booty call more like it. Would've been the mysterious new boyfriend or his ex kiddy fiddlin’ boss who seems to be his boss again.”

Mandy starts cackling away like he just told her the funniest joke, he actually thinks he might need to check the couch for pee stains afterwards because she is laughing that hard. She composes herself and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Seriously Mick? No way does he have a boyfriend; he’s totally hung up on your ass. I pestered Debbie about it after the other day when he said that. She says that she would totally know if he did, and she’s sure he doesn't. That guy literally thinks the sun shines out your ass hole. No way does he have a boyfriend. Freckly face lied, no fucking way!!”

Mick smirks at her. He doesn't want to admit it, but knowing that Ian's single, makes Mickey happy. His shrink had made some good points. He was still pissed, but he was a little more open to forgiveness. He had done some pretty shitty things to Ian in the past too. He wasn't smelling like roses in all this shit either. Ian forgave him and they moved on getting better and better. Yeah, their relationship was dysfunctional even turbulent at times, but fuck, they had passion! They loved so hard and strong that when they were apart he felt like he was missing a huge chunk of himself. He missed that. Mandy was staring at him, waiting for the comeback. Mickey wasn't one to disappoint.

“Yeah, well my ass is pretty fucking hot. He can fucking worship my ass as much as he wants though. Doesn't mean he’s ever gonna fucking touch it again with his slimy lying fingers or his stupid large cock.”

Mandy grabbed Yev’s rattle off the table and threw it right at Mickey's head. He punched her arm in retaliation.

“Way too much talk about your butthole. Don’t make me vomit all over you! Can we stop now and play some halo or something. I need to take my mind of your ring.”

Mickey starts laughing hysterically. Mandy looks at her brother, eyebrows up.

“You do fucking realise a halo is a giant glowing ring right?”

He manages to get the words out whilst still laughing. Yev starts giggling in his high chair too, which just makes Mickey laugh louder.

“Both you guys suck, I'm out! Fuck you and all your faggotry!”

She walks out the door and Mickey can’t help himself, he runs to the door and screams at her from the middle step on the porch as she walks out the gate.

“Talking about faggotry, bring me home a nice piece of ass… got a nice hard itch I can’t scratch by myself!

He laughs and grabs his cock at her as she flips him off, double handed of course for that extra Milkovich fuck you! He’s still laughing as he watches her turn down the next street. Before he turns around to walk back up the stairs he sees Ian bundled up with a blanket on the Gallagher’s front porch with Liam on his lap. He’s about to give him the finger when he sees Liam spring off Ian’s lap, bounding over towards Mickey. 

The little boy runs right into the street, without looking. Both boys instantly feel their hearts sink. Not because of each other but because a car is heading straight for the little kid who is making his way over to Mickey. They both scream in unison “LIAM!!!!!!!”

And he stops dead centre in the middle of the road and they both run as tires screech. The car stops no more than a foot in front of the kid as Ian and Mickey both reach him at the same time.

“Someone watch that fucking kid, I almost fucking hit him” The man in the car yells as he leans out of his window.

“Fu…fuck you knob jockey, this is a su..suburban street, you shouldn't be dr…driving like a fucking loon and wa…watch out for that shit!” Ian stammers out, stuttering on every now and then

Mickey kicks the guys’ front headlight in whilst Ian is screaming at the man

“Fuck you, your gonna pay for that asshole” The man goes to get out of his car until he takes a good look at the dark haired boy and he starts to recognise his face. He stays seated, and locks his door.

“Fucking make me dick lips.” Mickey starts to walk over to the guy but Liam reaches up for Mickey to pick him up, he doesn't hesitate and he grabs the little guy and swings him onto his hips.

“You better drive off before I drive my fist through your ugly ass face.”

The guy yells more abuse, but speeds off because he knows that’s a Milkovich and there threats aren't idle ones.

Ian is physically shaking. Mickey realises it’s not just from the fear of Liam almost being run over but he is actually really sick. Sweat is pouring off of him and his teeth are chattering.

“Hey little man, you wanna come see me. You can anytime. But you got ask one of your dopey brothers or sisters first. And someone really needs to teach you some road rules. You almost became road kill.”

He ruffles his hair and Liam hugs him back tighter. Besides Ian, Liam is probably the only Gallagher he gives a shit about. When he was staying with Ian, Liam was sleeping in that room too. Whenever Ian would shower or go for a run, Mickey would hang out with Liam, playing with his trains and play fighting with him.

“Missed you Mickey, come see my new train?”

He looks up at Ian

“Is that cool?” Ian looks at him in such bewilderment. Probably remembering the fact that Mickey said he would never EVER speak to him again. Now Mickey's asking to come over for a play date. Shit's weird, he gets it.

“C..c..cool with m…m…me” Ian manages to stutter out again. He’s shaking and his t-shirt is clinging to the slickness of his sweaty skin

“You need to get your sick ass inside. You’re looking more like shit than usual. Don’t go spreading those gross ass ginger germs around either. Hang out… Svet!!! I'm going to Gallagher’s for a bit, watch the spawn!!”

Svetlana appears at the door way and gives him the finger. She is definitely a Milkovich.

They go to walk up to Ian’s house but as soon as he hits the side walk his home D bracelet flashes red and vibrates

“Fuck, shit. Fuck. I forgot! I'm on Home D!!”

He runs back to his house. The home phone rings immediately so he answers

“Calm yo tits donut lovers, just saving a kid from getting squished on the road, being superman and shit, you know, doing your actual job. I'm home. I aint going nowhere”

He talks to them for a little bit then hangs up the phone and peers out his lounge window looking for Ian and Liam. But he can’t see them so he assumes they just went back inside, without him. He’s disappointed. 

“Baby having nap. I have work now. Listen for Baby” Svetlana kisses him on the cheek before opening the door.

“Neighbours are here.” 

Mickey looks up from the couch and sees Ian, with his blanket, and Liam at his doorway. Ian looks hesitant about coming in, not that you can blame him after the show Mickey put on just last night.

“H…h.. he wanted to show y…y…you his train”

“Stop your chattering Gigantor and get your ass on my couch. I’ll get you some more Tylenol and you can rest up. No one around to look after the little guy huh? So they left your sick ass to look after him? Jerks”

Mickey walks over to the fridge and grabs Ian a Gatorade and the Tylenol, him a beer and the little guy Mandy’s last Popsicle. Sucked in Bitch.

“Lip school. Debs off with F… F… Frank and Fi has w…w…work” He takes the drink from Mickey and the Tylenol. Mickey watches as Ian basically drinks the whole thing in one go. Liam’s content on the floor eating his Popsicle and watching cartoons.

“Lay down Gallagher. I’ll watch the little guy. Yevs down for a nap so I'm all cool to hang with my other buddy.”

Ian smiles up towards Mickey and gets comfy on the couch, wrapping himself up looking like a giant burrito

”Thaankks Miccck.” Mickey watches as Ian falls asleep smiling, and he can’t help smiling too.

 

_________

 

Debs comes home first and Mickey walks out with Liam

“Yo Orphan Annie… got this little one over here for ya. The other Annie’s sick as a dog and sleeping it off on my couch. You tell your sister I'll send him over as soon as he wakes up, All good?”

Debbie walks over to the gate and takes Liam by the hand. She looks up at Mickey.

“Yeah, ummm thanks Mickey. Kind of thought you hated Ian now?”

“No I don’t, I do a little bit, but for some dumb ass reason my ass still wants to keep his ass alive and none of you fuckers seem to really give a shit.”

He walks back into the house and sit’s back down on his couch .Mickey is pretending to watch some dumb ass movie on the TV but instead he’s watching Ian moan and toss around in his sleep. His skin is dewy from sweat and it reminds Mickey of the way his skin looks after they've fucked, and he can’t help it, but staring at him is making him hard. 

Svet’s still at work, and Yev is playing with his toys on the floor, Mandy still isn't back from wherever the fuck she went so it’s just him and Ian. Ian and him. Ian’s gotten too hot and has kicked his blanket off and he keeps tugging at his clothes and its driving Mickey crazy, Ian pulls his shirt up with his fist and Mickey is staring at his glistening hard as rock abs and subconsciously pulling at himself through his sweats. 

Ian pulls his shirt back down and Mickey is momentarily disappointed but then Ian starts sliding his hands down his waistband Mickey leans a little closer. Just a peak that’s all he really wants, he has Ian’s cock etched in his brain. He hasn't forgotten what it looks like in his memories but he just wants to make sure that he’s remembered it right. It's not like he's getting off on this or anything? Yeah right, you're a fucking creep Milkovich and you know it! 

“Mmmick” 

Mickeys startled and jumps in his seat making sure his hands fall to his side, he thinks Ian’s stirring awake and has caught him touching himself and looking at Ian. Such a fucking pervert.

But when Mickey directs his eyes back over to Ian, he realises that he is still asleep and touching himself. He keeps quietly saying Mickey's name every now and then but mostly it’s just groans and moans. But Mickey watches Ian’s hands as he slowly moves around inside his pants. Mickey really wants to see, so fucking badly. But right now, just knowing that Ian is touching himself to Mickey in his dreams sends him crazy. Fuck it. He takes his own hand and starts rubbing, tugging stroking himself as he watches Ian do the same. He watches and imagines Ian’s hands are his and vice versa. He builds up speed and he knows that this is about to get good, real good…

Bang, bang, bang.

Fuck. Someone’s at the door and Ian has stopped playing with himself; he’s still only just waking up so Mickey tucks his now very sensitive, and right on the brink of an explosion, penis into his pants and tries to adjust himself. He watches Ian, out of the corner of his eye as he throw the covers back over himself and rolls into the crevice of the couch, trying to blend in with it. Mickey tries not to chuckle as he opens the door.

“Hey Mick, Debs said Ian was here. He ok?”

Of course it would be fucking Fiona destroying his fun.

“No thanks to you Gallagher’s, he’s sick as a dog but he’s had some Tylenol and has finally been able to get some sleep. You wanna send over his pills. Kinda don’t wanna wake the guy up yet. He’s super achy and shit so walking to your house now that it’s dark and cold, probably aint the healthiest option.”

Fiona looks over the couch at a “sleeping” Ian and then back at Mickey. 

“I don’t want to burden you with…”

Mickey can barely keep his voice down and is trying not to yell at her. But she reads it all over his face that he is pissed.

“Not once was he ever a fucking burden to me, I have looked after him before and you know what doe eyes, I like, I mean I liked looking after his giant ass. He is never and will never be a burden. Go fetch his pills. You know what, bring his morning dose to. We’re gonna have a fucking slumber party”

Fiona’s face softens as she realises that what she said, as usual, was the wrong thing. 

“I didn’t mean it like that Mickey, you did good with him, real good, and I'm sorry if we never really let you know that. We all felt bad after the break up, especially with you being carted off to jail straight after. We knew it was hard, we saw how you were becoming with him. You loved him more and more each day. Even after the diagnosis. And he started slipping away. It wasn't just you, he did with all of us… I…”

Mickey wasn't expecting that. Fiona had never liked him and he honestly thought that she would have been happy the moment Ian kicked him to the curb. He really looked at her then. She had seemed to age so much over the last couple of months, worry was clouding her face. Ian hadn't just done a number on Mickey, he’d done it to his family too. 

“Fiona. It’s ok. You know me, I like to argue, I'm just pushing you. Just, go get me his pills. He’s cool here for the night. I want do anything to him or anything, If you’re worried about that. Uhhmmm, so yeah, bring some of that cherry pie if you got any. I'm a Sweet tooth, It’s kind of my favourite..”

Fiona smiled and walked over to her house and Mickey lent on his door whilst he waited for her to come back. He peeked over the couch and busted Ian smiling at him. 

He looked out the door and watched Fiona come back carrying clothes and pie. 

“Thanks Mickey. Extra big slice for ya. Make sure Ian..”

“I know doe eyes, did this before remember. Also, teach your little wolf pack about road rules. The littlest dude almost got hit by a car and almost made me break my home D. I'm not getting put back in jail because of a fucking Gallagher again. Ohhh, mission impossible is on, I love me some spy shit”

Before she could say anything he shut the door. He heard Ian laughing into the couch.

“Hey sleeping horn ball. Saw you grabbing your shit and moaning earlier. You get your nasty ginger spunk on my fucking couch I will make you clean it with your tongue. Bonus incentive to keep it clean, Svet got some of that gross ass Russian titty milk on that couch somewhere the other day. Don’t think she bothered to mop it up. So if you end up tongue cleaning my lounge you’re gonna get that all up in ya”

Ian sat up and threw a pillow at him. He looked better; the few hours of sleep must have done him some good.

“Fuck you Mick. I need food. Feed the sick and dying since you’re apparently so charitable saving kids and letting me touch myself on your couch. Does that mean you were watching me? Who’s the sick fuck now Mickey?”

Mickey smiled at Ian who was raising his eyebrows at him with a devilish smile on his face. Mickey didn't say anything he just handed him the food Fiona brought over. They both ate smiling at each throwing insults and laughing at just how ridiculous Tom Cruise is and how neither of them found him the least bit sexy.

 

__________

 

Mandy came home to the sound of the two boys laughing. She almost turned around to give them this moment but honestly, she wanted to witness it first hand

“Hey if it isn't the, I love you, I hate you, I like you, I want to kill you, I guess you’re ok, Gayest gay lords I know! What’s up turd burglars?”

Ian looked up at her with his face glowing with happiness. His skin was flushed, maybe from the sickness but she had a feeling that Mickey had more to do with it than Ian’s fever.

“We’re having a sleep over. Mickey’s my nurse for the night”

“Fuck off”

She looked at her brother who was grinning from ear to ear, Yev sleeping comfortably in his lap. Then she turned her attention back to the happy redhead on the other couch.

“You seem to have perked up a bit since I saw you this morning sicky. No more fever, you look better too. I think we should send him back home now, don’t you think Mickey?

She looked at her brother and waited for his excuse to keep Ian here, she knew he would have one.

“Can’t, he committed to a marathon of a full season of pimp my ride. He hates car shit and I want to see him suffer like I had to suffer putting up with his sick bullshit all day. I swear he gave our couch cooties”

“I'm sure you’ll deal. I'm fucking dead on my feet. I'm heading to bed. Night losers.”

She wanted to leave the love sick idiots alone to enjoy there flirty night on the couch. She was amazed at how quickly they could fall back into their little happy bubble, especially after last night’s craziness. Then again, she knew they were a force of nature. If any two people were soul mates (she didn't really believe in that shit) It would definitely be those two boys of hers. She knew that they still had issues to sort out but she had hope. 

“Night princess” Ian

“Night Scum bucket, don’t finger bang yourself too loudly” Mickey

“Go fuck yourselves hard on some splintering wood. Or better yet, go fuck each other again, you both clearly want to” 

She just couldn't help herself. She didn't look down at them from the stairs, she just kept walking to her room and flopped on the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh.... a sleep over, what's going to happen now? 
> 
> I don't know about this Chapter, kind of a filler.. Promise the next one will be more exciting...
> 
> Things are heating up.
> 
> Kudos and comments help me keep going.


	11. Chapter 11

“Go fuck yourselves hard on some splintering wood. Or go fuck each other again, you both clearly want to” Mandy made her little remark on her way up to her room. Ian was still grinning. This smile was going nowhere, tonight had ended up being amazing. He was on cloud 9, no fog insight!!

Ian turned to smile at Mickey, but Mickeys smile wasn't there any more. Ian sighed. These last few hours had been so fucking great and now it was gone. Fucking Mandy, whilst Ian had found it amusing he was guessing by the sour look on Mickey’s face, he didn't. I'm going to titty twist her if I'm still here in the morning. He let out a small laugh at his own thoughts despite himself.

“What’s so funny” Mickey growled at Ian. Eyebrows furrowed and anger radiating off of him so hard that Ian thought he should check himself for third degree burns.

“I laughed coz I said a YOU thing in my head.”

“What the fucks that’s supposed to mean.” He was still glaring. Lucky the baby was sleeping in his lap because Mickey really looked ready to leap out of his seat and punch him.

“I was pissed at Mandy for ruining a nice night so I was thinking of giving her a titty twister in the morning. That’s a Mickey thing to do, so I fucking laughed, Jesus!”

A smile started to spread on Mickeys lips and Ian watched the hateful expression leave his face.

“I'm totally gonna do it in the morning, you're too much of a pussy to do it!” And with that Mickey began to laugh.

Ian smiled, but he wasn't naive, he knew that things weren't completely cool between them yet. But he would make them. Eventually. He really wanted to talk about last night, but he wasn't in the mood for another argument. He honestly didn't want to ruin this moment, he wanted to savour it for as long as he could. But there was a gnawing feeling inside of him that just HAD to say something. He wanted to get it all out, but just didn't know when the right time was or what he should even say. He needed to think. They sat there for a while longer, Ian getting anxious in his seat. He bit his lip and decided to start off on a lighter note.

“Mickey, I ahh, thanks for today. You turned a shitty day around for me. So yeah, thanks”

“Don’t get all sappy on me fire crotch watch the show and keep your horn ball hands off of yourself. Fucking teenagers.”

Mickey got up and put Yev in the portable cot and went to the fridge and grabbed a beer and another Gatorade for Ian. As he walked over and handed it to him, Ian grabbed his wrist instead of the bottle.

“I need to tell you something Mickey…”

Ian waited for Mickey to pull away, but he didn't he just stared at Ian. His face was unreadable, so Ian thought, fuck it, and continued

“I don’t have a boyfriend, and I am most definitely not fucking Kash again. I'm not seeing anybody, right now. I tried to, at the beginning when... you know…. Sorry, I did, but it wasn't right, none of it felt right. Look, I don’t expect you to take me back. I know it’s done but… I just wanted you to know that, and I really hate lying, especially to you. I'm fucking so sorry for everything, there’s so much I want to say, and the other night when I apologised, you we’re right, it wasn't all of it. I wanna tell you I do, but I need time. I need to know what I'm doing and saying is the right thing, for you and for me. And my head just gets so messed up. For now, I just wanted you to know that I'm not fucking anybody. Huh… probably why I'm getting so handsy with myself in my sleep right? My meds have finally stopped affecting my libido so now I guess I’m like, making up for lost time.”

Ian blurted it all out and instantly felt better. He realised he was still holding Mickey’s wrist and that Mickey hadn't pulled away yet. He didn't want to let go, but he did. 

His mouth was so dry from all the yapping on and on so he grabbed the drink and looked back up at Mickey. He waited for him to speak, walk away. But he didn't do either of those things instead he sat right down next to Ian on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table, he looked at the TV and took a swig of his beer before he spoke

“You’re such an over sharer Gallagher. You just keep your horny dick over there and we'll be sweet. And thanks… for like, actually telling the truth. Should do it more often, I hear it’s good for the soul or some shit. Even though you Gingers have no souls”

Mickey didn't look at Ian as he spoke, he just took another swig of his beer and continued talking. Never letting his eyes sway towards Ian's direction.

“And yeah, last night was crazy, but thanks for … God I hate this shit.. But.. Thanks for owning up. I don’t wanna hear anymore tonight. I'm in a good place right now. Can we just sit here and watch Xzibit put a fucking fish tank in this piece of shit Ford”

Mickey didn't turn his head, but Ian saw him glance over at him a few times. He leaned back into the couch too, and put his feet up on the table next to Mickey’s. He put his hand on his own thighs and they sat there in silence sneaking glances at each other. At one point, Mickey moved his knee to an angle so it was just hovering near Ian’s. So Ian moved his hand from his lap and placed it between him and Mickey, and stretched his fingers out so that he almost brushed Mickey’s leg. When Mickey’s beer was finished he leant over to put it on the table and let his leg rest on Ian’s, when he leant back, he left it there. Ian couldn't handle it anymore. He placed his hand gently on Mickey’s leg. Mickey’s body tensed up, but he didn't move away, he just sat there. Ian moved his hand up higher, right near Mickey’s crotch.

“The fuck you doing?”

He finally looked at Ian and when he spoke the words came out shaky. Ian didn't move his hand but he leant in closer to Mickey and looked at him. He could see the lust in the other mans eyes, the arousal in Mickey's pants was telling him that he wanted this. For Ian to go for it.

“I just, I dunno… Thought that you and I could…” Ian moved his hand to rest on Mickey's cock. He licked his lips with anticipation and excitement. He felt so good and so hard in his hand. He watched as Mickey’s placed his hand on top of Ian’s, pushing it harder against him.

“Are you fucking propositioning me Gallagher?” He leaned in, smirking his eyes sparkling from the flickers of light coming off of the television. Ian bit his lip and whispered.

“Only if you want me to Milkovich?”

Ian waited for his answer. Mickey was just staring at him, one eye brow raised. He watched as Mickey’s face dropped. Ian bit his bottom lip, Mickey’s mood was changing, he braced himself for the inevitable rejection that was coming his way.

“Ground rules. No fucking lovey dovey shit like before. We bang that’s it. I'm still pissed at your ass so my mouth goes no fucking where near yours, or your dick. I'll do my own fucking prep coz I don’t really want you to touch me; I just want your dick. Got it?”

Ian had no idea what he was actually expecting Mickey to say, but that wasn't really it. Either way, he wanted it and right now he would take Mickey any way he could get him. And boy did he want him, hard.

“Uhhh… yeah… I can do that”

“My room. Now.”

Ian sat there staring at Mickey, this was happening. This was really happening! They were going to do this. I didn't mean anything, just sex. He could do that, no feelings, just sex. Mickey stood up and waited. Ian didn't move, he was still trying to figure out what was going on. Could he do this? He did have feelings though...

“Did I fucking stutter? I gotta put my kid to bed. Go to my room and wait for me. Up the stairs turn left and then dead ahead. If you’re waiting for me to carry your ass up there, you'll be waiting a long fucking time Gallagher, this aint no fucking Hallmark movie”

Ian watched Mickey pick up the baby and start heading up the stairs. Ian still couldn't move. Mickey stopped at the third step and looked over at Ian and shook his head. Ian stood up and made his way to the stairs walking behind Mickey staring at that perfect ass all the way up. He watched Mickey take Yev into Svetlana’s room. Sometime during the night she had come home. Grunted at them and went straight to bed. He watched him kiss the baby on the head and stroke his face before he walked out. Ian’s heart melted at the sight. He walked straight past him in to his room and Ian followed. Mickey turned away from him and started taking his pants off. Ian lifted his shirt over his head. Never taking his eyes off of Mickeys back. Mickey left his top on and his boxers, he then bent down and grabbed his shoe box from under his bed and took the lube out and started making his way out of the room.

“Where are you going?”

“I'm not doing this shit in front of you, I'll be back. Just sit your ass down, jerk yourself off a bit and make sure you’re ready for me”

He walked out closing the door behind him. Wow, Mickey seemed angry and so not into this anymore. Ian walked over to the window and looked out across the street to his own window. From here he could see straight into his room, he could see his bed and he wondered if Mickey would stand here and watch him. He hoped so. He had been so excited to finally do this again, have sex with Mickey. But this just didn't feel right. It felt… all kinds of fucked up and really, really sad. He just stood there staring out at the night until he heard the bedroom door open and he turned around to see Mickey scowling at him. He watched him walk over to the bed, pull his boxers down and bend over the bed. The mood down stairs had been hot and exciting, but it had all changed the moment they were in this room. He heard Mickey’s gruff voice from across the room.

“You ready or what? Hurry up and Get on me!"

“Kinda having trouble over here, you’re being a bit of a mood killer… You sure you’re ready to do this??”

He heard Mickey sigh

“My assholes ready... so yeah, I’m fucking ready”

Ian hadn't meant if that part of him was ready, he meant his head and heart. He could tell that Mickey knew that too, but he was avoiding answering properly. He made his way over to the bed anyway. He stepped behind Mickey and gently placed his hand on his backside, grabbing the skin, trying to get himself hard using memories in his head of times when this same situation was happening, but when Mickey was hot for him, letting him touch him and kiss him. It was working, he started to get hard again. He kept one hand on Mickey’s hip and started touching himself, slowly getting hard enough to put a condom on and lube it up. He pressed just the tip on Mickey’s hole and Mickey groaned, backing up and pressing himself harder into Ian, pushing more of himself inside. Ian slowly went deeper and deeper until he eventually bottomed out.

“Fuck” 

They both said it at the same time, Ian smiled. He slowly pulled himself almost all the way out and then pushed himself all the way back in. He did this a few times to get Mickey used to the feel of him. He was so tight and he felt so fucking good wrapped around him. He gradually picked up speed placing both hands on Mickey’s hips, pushing himself in and out, in and out. He slapped Mickey hard on his ass and got the desired moan from Mickey that he was hoping for. He rubbed the now red mark that he had created whilst he slammed himself again and again into him. He let his hand go up to Mickey's head and grabbed a fist full of his dark hair and pulled the man’s head back. Another moan escaped Mickey’s mouth, and Ian was so pleased with himself. He wished that Mickey had taken his top off so he had more access to the skin he wanted to nip at, lick and kiss. But Mickey was making the rules tonight and for now, this would have to be enough.

“C’mon Gallagher, fucking fuck me harder.”

And Ian did. He removed the hand from Mickey’s hair and gripped on to the man’s neck instead driving himself inside him, faster and harder until he knew he had hit that special spot. His grip went a little tighter around his neck, just the way Mickey used to like it.

“Fuck yes… That’s where… Yes, right…fucking…there!”

“God you feel so fucking good Mick… so tight…fit so well… Come for me...come…Oh, shit!”

This was to good and it had been way to long, Ian started to get close and wanted Mickey to do the same. He looked down to see that Mickey was stroking his own cock and his other hand was gripped tightly in the sheets. Ian tried to give him a hand, he wanted to touch it so bad but as he reached around Mickey swatted his hand away.

"No.. Just... OH.. Fuck"

Ian got the message. No touching that delicious cock. This was fucking punishment. Well If he couldn't do that he would just fuck Mickey that little bit harder.

“You close?” Ian bent down and whispered in his ear

“Mmmmmm… Yeah… So close” Mickey grunted back.

Ian couldn't help himself being so close to that sweet spot that Mickey had, that if he knew he touched in just the right way, he'd have Mickey bowing at his knees is pleasure. It was a risk, Mickey had already warned him but fuck it, it looked so good he couldn't resist. He nuzzled the other man’s neck, and then licked it up to the jaw line and bite down lightly.

“Fuck…I’m… gonna…” and then Mickey came, and Ian followed close behind. Both men collapsed on the bed, spent from a very quick and well overdue fuck.

 

__________

 

They both lay there for a bit, both completely spent until Mickey finally felt his legs working again. He grabbed a t-shirt from the floor and cleaned himself up, he then handed it to Ian to do the same. He watched as Ian took the condom off, tied it and then threw it in the bin. He cleaned himself up and then he lay back down on Mickey’s bed staring at the ceiling. Mickey went and put a clean pair of boxers on and changed his top, keeping his back to Ian. Fuck, that was good. In a really fucked up, weird, kind of way. Maybe they could do this, if Ian stuck to his rules. Yeah he let the little fucker get away with pulling his hair and spanking him. But Mickey really got off on a little rough play. The neck licking, fuck... He had been to far gone to say no. Next time, he would say no.... Fuck, Next time. Calm down Mickey, don't let the fucker completely get back in.... not yet, you're not fucking ready!! He really needed to sort out what the fuck this THING between him and Ian was.

When he finally turned around, ready to face the other man, he found Ian asleep on his bed.

Fuck, he was planning on making him sleep on the couch. He walked over to his bed and nudged Ian, but he didn’t wake up so Mickey pushed the lanky guy over so that he could fit on the bed too. He lay there facing Ian and counted his freckles, watched him furrow his brow every now and then and watched as his hair fell adorably on his face. He pushed the hair back with his hand, despite himself, and Ian smiled in his sleep. Mickey smiled too. Ian moved around from time to time, and Mickey watched the whole show. He was tired too, but he couldn’t stop watching him. Ian was laying on his back at the moment and the moon light that was shining in his room glowed on the pale redhead’s skin. He seemed so surreal in this moment. Mickey yawned and could feel his eyes closing. But before he did, Ian rolled over and wrapped an arm around Mickey and pulled himself closer. Ian had now pressed his body against Mickey, resting his head on his shoulder and giving Mickey a face full of red hair, It smelt like.... Ian, Like home. Mickey kissed the top of his head before finally falling asleep himself telling himself that he wouldn't kiss that head again, well... He'd at least try not to.

 

When Mickey woke up in the morning he woke up alone. He was disappointed. Ian had always been an early riser, and Mickey likes to sleep in for as long as possible. He yawned and stretched and made his way downstairs. Bacon… He could smell bacon. As he entered the kitchen he saw Mandy cooking in the Kitchen with Ian. His stomach did a flip, just knowing that Ian was still here made him happy, he had thought that he might have left this morning.

“Morning sleepy head. Ian and I are making Bacon and waffles for breakfast. Coffee’s made already. I just gotta go wake up Svetlana, man that woman knows how to sleep! Yev’s in the playpen, he’s eaten already” Mandy went to walk passed him but before she could he grabbed her and gave her a nipple cripple

“What the fuck!! How old are you?? Jesus that hurt” She slapped him back and Mickey just laughed at her.

“Blame Gallagher, it was his idea but he obviously bitched out and didn't do it this morning” Ian looked at Mandy and shrugged.

“Morning sexual assaults aren't really my thing until I've at least had two cups of coffee and this is only my first” 

Mandy rolled her eyes and headed up the stairs to get Svetlana.

“Whatever, you’re a pussy freckles” Mickey made his way over to Yev to give him his good morning cuddle before heading back into the kitchen to poor himself a cup of coffee. When he turned around he found Ian standing there clearly checking him out, Mickey smiled as Ian awkwardly cleared his throat

“You… Sleep ok? Sorry I kind of passed out and stole your bed” He handed Mickey a cup of coffee and walked over to plate up the bacon and waffles.

“Whatever man, I was knackered and just kicked you over and crashed” Mickey sat himself down at the table making sure he had a nice view of the redhead making him breakfast. Domestic Ian turned him on.

“Ok… I wasn’t sure what to do this morning, I was gonna leave but when I came down here, Mandy was here and she roped me into making breakfast…So I hope this isn’t too awkward?” Ian placed the plates on the table and sat down avoiding looking at Mickey, he was blushing slightly. 

“You’re fucking awkward. I don’t give a shit what you do. Be here or don’t be here, like I fucking care” Mickey piled his plate with food and began eating, he looked up at Ian who was clearly over the awkwardness already and was smirking at him in a way that made Mickey’s cock twitch.

“Ok Mick”

“Stop smirking at me Gallagher, or I’ll punch you in the throat, pass me the syrup, I'm dying of hunger over here” Ian handed him the syrup, but wouldn't let it go. So they sat there both staring at each other with the syrup bottle in the air.

“We gonna repeat last night again, or was that a one time thing?”

Ian wouldn’t let the bottle go, and obviously wasn’t going to until he got an answer. The Kid was strong and had a good grip on it. Mickey tried to get it but he was going to have to answer if he wanted it. Such a cheeky little shit!

“My foods getting cold asshole…. I don’t fucking know ok. Shit’s fucking weird. Just give me my fucking syrup” Ian let the syrup go and looked a little sad at Mickey’s answer. But he faked a smiled anyway and went to eating his food. Mickey knew it wasn't the answer Ian wanted, but he had no fucking idea what the hell he was doing. The next minute Mickey felt something hard hit him in the back of the head.

“Ouch… what the fuck??”

He turned around to see Svetlana fuming at the top of the stairs yelling at him in Russian.

“Bitch you know I don’t understand you, speak English!!”

“You want to play with yourself or fuck orange boy in bathroom. Take that back to your room. I almost brush teeth with gross shit”

Mickey looked down at the bottle on the floor and winced as he leant down to pick it up. It was the lube, he had left it in the bathroom last night. they both looked at each other from across the kitchen table and both pissed themselves laughing.

After breakfast was done and the dishes were clean, he expected Ian to leave but instead he found himself in the living room with Mandy, Svetlana and Ian. Everyone was just talking about everyday stuff. It felt so… normal. He kept glancing over at Ian. He was looking to try and see if he was the same Ian he had loved or not. He looked the same, laughed the same, sounded the same. But Mickey wasn't sure. He had surprised himself that he could actually sit here and be like this with the boy who broke him. But Dr. Romani was right. He had done a lot of fucked up shit to Ian, because of Mickey's own insecurities and issues. Ian had taken him back, time and time again. He should be able to do the same, Ian had real good reasons for acting like an ass. But Mickey just had to much fucking pride and he was fucking scared to love Ian again, what if he left him a second time?... Mickey couldn't handle that. He had began scratching at his chest, a new nervous habit he had obtained whilst in jail. The tattoo was gone, but for some reason when he was lost in his own head about Ian, it burned to life again, the felt like the ink was rising to cover his chest and his heart with Ian's name.

“I should probably head home, it’s lunch time and I have to take my meds, Fi only gave me my morning dose, Plus I start back at the Kash and Grab tonight. I'm doing the evening shifts. I start at four”

Ian's voice lured Mickey out of his own thoughts. Ian was standing at the door doing his cute nervous shuffle. He clearly didn't want to leave... and Mickeys chest burned again.

“What time you finish” 

Mandy was talking to Ian, hopping up off the floor to hug him good bye. Should he get up and hug him goodbye? 

“Supposed to be 9, usually don't walk out until half past though” Ian kept staring at him, waiting for something, Mickey's mind was going crazy, his chest was on fucking fire... I aint hugging him, and i'm not asking him to stay or come back round. Friends who fuck. Not boyfriends who lounge around and snuggle on the couch all day.... They were good times though.... No! Friends who fuck, that's it.

Mickey drew his eyes away from Ian and continued watching Yev play with some fluffy toy. He got up and sat down with his kid, the little Munchkin was a good distraction. He was determined not to ask him to stay.

"Could you swing by my work and walk me home when you finish?" 

YES... Ian would be back and Mickey didn't have to fucking ask him like a pussy little bitch with feelings, fuck, he could've kissed his needy little sister right then!

"Sure, well. I guess I’ll see you all later then. Thanks for letting me crash."

Mickey didn’t look at him but could sense Ian hovering at the door, feel his eyes on Mickey. He didn’t look up he just continued playing with Yev on the floor. He eventually heard him shuffle out the door and Mickey looked out the window and watched the redhead jog across the street into his own house. He missed his presence already. Felt apart of him was missing. He was sooooo getting sucked back in!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhh... so that happened.
> 
> Awkward sex is awkward.
> 
> Happy times ahead?
> 
> Thanks for the love as always.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this you beautiful humans!!
> 
> Kudos and comments if this is still your Jam?
> 
> Loves and kissess my Gallavich lovers xo

His first day back was boring, serving assholes that barely acknowledged him, stacking shelves that the punk kids would knock down and to top it off Frank dropped in to try and scab free food.

But he didn’t mind. He was happy today. 

He was reliving everything that had happened last night and this morning. He had woken up in the morning, in Mickey’s bed, spooning him. He knew that if Mickey had woken up to Ian wrapped around him like that, he would've flipped it, BIG TIME!

Mickey wouldn't even let Ian touch him properly, so spooning like that was definitely gonna be a no-no in Mickey’s little ‘ground rules’ play book . But my god, had it felt fucking good. He had sneakily nuzzled into the crook of his neck and smelt his skin, sliding his nose up and down, the sensation of Mickey’s soft skin made him feel high. He even went so far as to kiss him lightly, just brushing his lips on his jaw, Mickey had stirred then so Ian had carefully gotten out of bed and made his way down to the kitchen. Mandy had beamed up at him and pointed the egg flip at him giving him the ‘I know what you did last night' look.

Last night hadn't been an ideal situation, but he still got to be with Mickey and just having a small part of him was enough for now. It was clear to Ian that Mickey still needed time. Ian was still trying to find himself too and figure out his life. He knew he still wanted Mickey, but at the same time he still wasn’t sure if it was the right thing for himself or for the dark haired boy. He loved him; he knew that with all of his heart. But could he let Mickey back in knowing that Ian was still going to have bad days and break downs, could he put up with that look on Mickey’s face of concern and fear? The biggest question and fear that hung over his head was would Mickey ever be able to Love Ian the way he used to, if at all.

He was lost in his thoughts on the way to Mandy’s work. Going back and forth in his mind, Yes, I want more with him. I want it all with him…. No, I can’t, I’m too much too handle, he can’t take me back and won’t take me back. And the way Mickey was with him right now? Fuck… The playfulness, then the anger… the sex was… He had enjoyed it but, was Mickey ok with that? He had seemed so tortured at the beginning, leaving Ian in his room to ‘tend to himself’ in the bathroom. Fuck it was bad. As he walked on the happiness slowly faded away and the fog in his brain took over, turning into a cloud full of self-loathing thoughts and doubts.

“You took your sweet ass time, I’ve been freezing my butt off out here!”

He looked up to find himself out the front of the diner where Mandy was leaning against the wall taking long drags of her cigarette, hugging herself for warmth in the frigid cold air.

“Sorry, busy night”

They began walking in silence, Ian still lost in his thoughts. Mandy taking glances at him, concern on her face.

“You all good? What’s going on in that skull of yours?”

“Just thinking”

“Sounds painful” she chuckled as she lightly pushed into him “You wanna come inside when we get home? We can smoke a joint and sit on the couch, eat junk food and laugh at dumb shit like we used to?

“Maybe”

She linked her arm into his and leaned on him as they made there way towards there street. By the time they got to the house. Ian's nerves had began to go crazy, and that fog was now thick in his head. He let her guide him inside and they both sat on the couch. He was so out of it he wasn’t initially sure if Mickey was even in the living room when they walked in, Ian didn’t even look up to see Mickey. He knew he was there in the room eventually, he could just feel his energy some how.

“I’m gonna roll a joint and chuck some popcorn on. You wanna pick a movie?”

“You pick”

Ian sat there staring out the window at his house. He had been in such a good mood all day. He hated how quickly that changed sometimes, tonight wasn’t the first time he had gone from happy to sad. He really hated how deeply these moods hit him. He thought about getting up and going home, but his legs wouldn’t move.

Mandy came back and they stated smoking. Once the weed hit him, he felt a little better. Lighter. He still didn’t speak. Just sat there and pretended to watch the movie. 

Fiona messaged him asking where he was. He shot her a quick text telling her he was across the street and not to worry. He sat there staring at his phone for who knows how long just looking at the screen, not even watching whatever Mandy had put on. Mandy was laughing at something, but he didn’t laugh with her.

His phone went off again. He opened it with out looking at the senders name.

U ok. Shit day at wk? Towel head make a move on ya?

Ian read it again and looked at who sent it, Mickey. He looked over at Mickey now. He was sitting on the other couch watching the TV, nursing a beer in one hand and his phone in the other. 

I’m okay. Just having a moment I guess. Happens now that I’m crazy.

Whteva. Even regular ppl have moments man. Cheer up. 

Mandy had slowly started to fall asleep on the couch and had wiggled her way down so that her head was on the arm rest and she was pushing her legs into Ian's side trying to stretch out.

“That bitch has no respect for a man’s space. She’ll keep kickin’ ya, you might as well sit over here or you’ll have one hell of a bruised thigh”

Mickey’s voice crackled through the quietness. For some reason it hurt Ian deep inside, he loved that voice, but would that voice ever love him again? Did he even deserve Mickey’s love. He started to feel tightness in his chest, the room was suffocating him. He needed to get out, go home, and crawl into the comfort of his bed.

“I might just go”

He stood up to leave but as he walked past Mickey he felt him tug at his shirt.

“Don’t…”

Ian looked down at him then. Saw the worry in Mickey’s beautiful face. Blue eyes meeting green eyes. Mickey bit his bottom lip, and kept his eyes on Ian’s. Ian couldn’t move, he didn’t want to leave anymore. He wanted to fall into Mickey's arms and hold him, nuzzle into his neck. Smell his skin that smelt like stale alcohol, weed and that smell that was just pure Mickey. He didn’t know what to do. He felt like shit. He loved this man, but at the same time he knew that this wasn’t right. This wasn’t how they were supposed to be together. They had come so far and Ian had ruined it and he had no idea how to get them back now to where they belonged.

They stayed like that for ages, Mickey's hand still gripped onto the bottom of Ian’s shirt, staring at him. Ian standing there staring right back. He didn’t realise his hand had moved until it was resting on Mickey's cheek, cupping his face. He watched as Mickey closed his eyes and gently nuzzled his face into Ian’s hand. It felt so good, and at that moment, Ian’s cloud began to move away, freeing his brain to think that this might work, there was still hope. There had to be because this face cupped in his hand, it just fitted perfectly, it felt so right.

He didn’t say anything he just removed his hand from Mickey's face and made a move to sit down next to him. Mickey still clutched at his shirt, not letting him go for a second. Ian could see the scared expression in his face, he was scared that Ian would leave him. Once he realised Ian was sitting down, his face relaxed and he let Ian’s shirt go. They sat there not speaking, not touching. Mickey cleared his throat several times as if he was attempting to say something but he never did. So Ian manned up and began talking.

 

“I know you hate talking about shit Mickey, but we really need to clear the air. I don’t want to pressure you into anything, but these moods man. They fuck with me and I know It’s not good for the either of us. This is all just screwing with my head, which is screwed up enough as it is, and I think it’s screwing with yours as well. I want this Mick, whatever this is, but… Last night…”

He took a breath and tried to figure out how to tell Mickey how last night was really fucked up and wrong without insulting him and giving him the idea that he didn’t want to sleep with him again, because he wanted nothing more in the world. But he wanted to feel connected with him, just a little bit, but last night there was no connection. There was just pain and sorrow. Sad sex was not something Ian could do again, even if it was for Mickey.

“I know… I was acting all fucking weird and shit…”

When Mickey surprised Ian by speaking, Ian turned his head and looked at him. Mickey was facing the TV still, purposely not look at Ian, but there was so much emotion in his voice. Ian knew then that Mickey had hated the way he acted last night, knew that he had felt how wrong it was too. He needed to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault.

“Not your fault. I understand. I’m an asshole and a big part of you still hates me for what I did. I get it and I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you for something my actions have made you do and feel. But I think a part of you might still, I dunno, want me in some way or another…. Do you?”

He waited for the answer, he was so scared to hear it in case Mickey said no. He had every right to say no. the memory of the night when Mickey had yelled and screamed at him, had broken down crying and howling, came back to him and he was so sure the answer was a big fat no.

“Clearly, coz we fucked last night…I don’t know if I can do it though… you know… go back to where we were…”

Mickey finally had turned his head to look at Ian as he spoke. The light from the television flickering blues and greys on his face, shining into his sad and confused eyes. The answer he had given was better than the one Ian had been expecting.

“I get it; I’m not asking you to do that. And like I said, I don’t know if us together like that is even the right thing to do, for either of us. It’s just… I just can’t seem to stay away from you… I miss the friendship we had Mick, ya know?”

Pure, honest truth. Ian was so uncertain about himself, about what he could give this man. All he knew is that he couldn’t keep away, he needed to be near Mickey, it soothed him, relaxed him and gave him a little bit of peace. Yeah, he also made his head crazy, but these days, what the fuck didn’t?

“Look, I’m cool with you coming over and hanging out and us like, doing…stuff. Can we just keep doing that. Ya know, be friends that bang or some shit. It’ll give us both time to adjust to all this, figure out what’s going on. Give me time to stop being an angry asshole and get over it. I stay by my ground rules though, I just… yeah. So, Friends that bang? ”

Mickey had gone back to staring at the TV. Ian could tell that he was uncomfortable with the conversation they were having and Ian knew Mickey well enough to know not to push him any further.

“I would really love that Mick. I really would.”

Mickey relaxed back into the couch and turned his head back towards Ian, with a small smile on his lips.

“Can we stop doing all this blabbering about feelings and shit, I swear I can feel my dick turning into a vagina from all this sappy crap.”

Ian chuckled and smiled back at him.

“Well I definitely prefer you with a dick, so I’ll shut up now.”

After they had said it all they sat there on the couch, both lost in their thoughts of the possibilities this could have for them. Both of them were excited, and fucking terrified!

 

______

 

Ian didn't stay the night. Mickey was happy that they were now on better terms, but he wasn’t ready yet to make a habit of having regular sleep overs with the guy. When Ian had yawned twice in a row, Mickey had told him to get his tired ass home and to go to bed. He had gotten puppy dog eyes from Ian, but something about the look that must’ve been on his face told Ian not to push him. 

When he woke in the morning he felt good. Real good. And that feeling stayed with him for weeks, and weeks till it stretched on for months. The happy feeling was still right in the pit of his stomach, they still had bad days when Ian would be down, or Mickey was in mood, but generally they made their situation work.

They didn’t see each other every day, Ian rarely slept over because Mickey couldn’t handle it yet, he was scared to get used to sharing a bed with him and then to have him disappear from it again. He also still kept his top on. Ian thought it was weird but he didn’t push him. Mickey left it on because he didn’t want Ian to see the mess on his chest because he knew he’d get all weird and want to talk some more about their past and feelings. He still wasn’t ready for that. They were friends that banged. That’s at least what Mickey kept saying. Mickey kept repeating that it was out of convenience because he was on house arrest and couldn’t go trolling for dick. It hurt Ian every single time that sentence would fall out of Mickey’s mouth, sometimes Mickey felt bad about it, sometimes he didn’t. When he did feel bad, he’d tell Ian that he was just being a dick, normal Mickey shit, and that he liked having him around, coz he knew how Mickey liked his eggs cooked. Ian was just waiting for Mickey to let him in more, hoping that one day this thing between them would become more again. He knew that this time it would be right. If Mickey could just swallow his pride and finally forgive him and bring that wall back down again. 

They never kissed, never had sex facing each other, but Mickey was becoming more receptive to Ian’s touch. Letting his ground rules slip a little. He stopped pushing him away when he would nuzzle into him during sex. He finally let him do more than just fuck him, he would now let him stroke his cock and take him in his mouth. Mickey didn’t do the same for Ian though, but Ian could see the blue eyed boy lusting over it, wanting it. He would bide his time and let Mickey do it when he was ready. Ian would wait forever for this man to become his again. The last few months had made him certain that this was so right. Him and Mickey, they could do this. 

Ian worked nights, spent time at the Gym, went running and helped out around the Gallagher house. He was doing a course at the community college to become a fitness instructor, and he loved it. But every spare second he had was spent at the Milkovich house. They didn’t spend all of their time fucking. They played with Liam and Yevgeny on the front lawn, they watched movies and laughed for hours. They got high together and teased Mandy about whatever new boyfriend she had this week, purposely pretending to forget his name and call him by the last person she was seeing’s name. Ian would dance in the living room with Svetlana whilst Mickey danced with Yevgeny. Things were good, they could be better though.

Some days Ian would try to talk to Mickey about his feelings or try to apologise again, Mickey would shut him down and brush it off…. Scared that he would lose it again, scared to fully commit. He still never called Ian by his name, much to Ian’s disappointment. There were a few occasions when he had almost slipped, but the word just wouldn’t leave his mouth.

Mickey’s Shrink came over regularly, his Home Detention was almost over and Mickey was looking forward to this new job, a real job, a clean job. But the longer this went on the harder Ian found it to continue this way. He needed more, he was trying for Mickey’s sake to hold it together to not push, but he was braking. 

It has been just over 6 months since they first slept together, became fuck buddies and well,

Ian didn’t know how much more longer he could wait.  
Mickey wasn’t sure if he could really let Ian in again.  
Mandy thought they were both fucktards.  
Svetlana didn’t give a shit as long as orange boy kept doing her dishes.  
And Yevgeny liked the Red popsicles the best, just like his Papa. 

 

__________

 

Mickey jumped out of bed and stretched out, fuck he felt good. He had let Ian sleep over last night and he hated to admit it, the nights Ian slept over he always woke up better than the nights Ian didn’t. He would tell himself that it was because of the vigorous sex he had 3 or 4 times in the night, but really deep down he knew he just liked to look at him before he fell asleep and listen to Ian breathe in and out, it relaxed him, calmed him. Ian had left early this morning to get to the Gym before school so Mickey had woken up a little disappointed at first not to find that lanky fucker in his bed. But he could smell him on his skin and that would be enough to keep this smile on his face.

Mickey made his way down stairs to find Svetlana and Yevgeny in the kitchen. She was trying to feed the little guy but it seems like he didn’t like whatever mush she was trying to shove in his mouth. She let out a slur of Russian words at the grumpy baby.

“Quit that shit, it’s bad enough having one person in this house that speaks that gibberish, don’t make it so that when the brat starts speaking I can’t understand what the fuck he’s saying!” 

“Fuck off. Yevgeny is grumpy. Much like his papa. You deal”

She handed him the container of mush and the spoon and went to clean of the mushy food that Yev had flicked all over her.

“My little man just knows what he wants and he clearly doesn’t want this. You got plans today? Was hoping you’d live the kiddlet here so we could have a play date. You’d like that wouldn’t you bud?”

“What? No insult you give me? You ok? You sick or dying?”

She came over and put her palm flat on his head as if to check his temperature. Then she grabbed his head and moved it from left to right and back again pretending to study his face. He grabbed her wrists and removed her hands from his face.

“Fuck you. Can’t a man be nice to the whore he was forced to marry? Just in a good mood I guess”

“Ahhhh… you have sleep with orange boy. You both now happy rainbow boys together”

“Lemme have some fucking privacy, why all you bitches gotta know everything? What’s fucking next, gonna have to start telling you when I take a shit?” 

He snapped at her because, damn it. It was the fucking truth! He had been happy because of Ian. Crazy bitch wasn’t only psycho she was fucking psychic!

“Ok. Ok. Don’t have heart attack. Play with Yev outside today. He need sunshine.”

“Yeah, yeah… I will”

she sashayed away up the stairs to get ready for work. He loved spending time with his son. His light hair was growing, and he had the biggest blue eyes. Whenever Mickey looked at him, he was so proud of what he created. He never thought he could love him, but he did…so much.

“Someone give me coffee…stat! Ian still here? I woke up on the couch and you were both gone, but I heard gross noises come from your room A LOT early this morning. Having quite a few sleepovers the last few weeks, he moving in soon? You guys going steady yet?”

She batted her eyelashes at him, and poked him in his ribs teasing him…. she knew what was going on. 

“I’ve already had this conversation with Nosey Nelly up there, don’t you fucking start up as well. I swear I’m going to break my rule about hitting women in a minute”

“Ok, Ok. I was thinking, you’ve been home for almost, what, 7 or 8 months now? We haven’t really properly celebrated you getting out of Prison, you know us Milkovich’s love an out of Prison party. Plus we have extra things to celebrate… moving into our very own house and I haven’t had a welcome home, we missed you coz you’re so fucking amazing Mandy party… Sooo…… Can we??”

“You know I hate that shit… Who you wanna invite??”

He was scratching the back of his neck and biting his bottom lip. People made him nervous, he hated small talk bullshit. But he could see she really wanted this.

“Iggy and Colin, of course. Some of my friends, I’m sure Svet would like to invite some of her friends, plus I thought, you know…Our neighbours?”

“All of them? House aint that big!”

Woah, that was too much. Now Mickey was really nervous. He could handle a handful of people. But this whole street, nope he had to shut this shit down, now! Mandy could obviously see where his mind was heading (she must be psycho and psychic just like Svet) because she quickly numbed his fears.

“Just Kev and Vee and of course the Gallagher’s, maybe Jeff and his brood from next door to us, they’re pretty cool. You keen?”

A party with Ian here… he was keen, he would have an excuse to get really drunk and high, get Ian high so he would shut up and Mickey might be able to talk to him. Move this thing along. He wanted to, he really did. He was worried that Ian couldn’t handle the ‘Friends who Bang’ bullshit anymore and honestly, being with Ian for all these months and not kissing that mouth, not tasting his cock was driving Mickey bat shit crazy. It had been long enough for Mickey to see that Ian was in this, that Ian was good. He was levelled, he was fucking sorry. He had done everything that Mickey had asked, never pushed him. Mickey wanted to give Ian something back. He wanted to give him another ‘talk’. Because he knew that that was what Ian wanted, what he needed. And Mickey felt like he needed it to, release a few more of his feelings, let a little bit more of Ian inside him. He was still a long way from the whole boyfriend thing, but he was willing to give him a little more. 

 

“Stop batting those eyes at me… When?”

“Svet and I both have the day off on Saturday and I’ve asked for the early shift on Friday so, Friday night?”

It was Monday, so that gave Mickey time to sort out what he was going to do, what he was going to say. Yeah, Friday would be good.

“You know Ian works nights?”

Mickey knew that Ian had full on days this week with work, school and helping Fi at home. He had only been seeing Ian more so during the day, whenever he could spare some time. The last few weeks had been an exception because Kash had worked a few night time shifts to get away from his crazy wife. But Linda cut that shit out quick and Ian was back to working those shifts again this week. Mickey had gotten used to him spending every weekend and two nights of the week here. Guess it would go back to fucking random visits again he hated it. He would hang out in the living room staring out the window waiting to see if little red riding hood over there was gonna pop in and bang the big bad wolf over here. Usually Ian would find an hour between the Gym and Class. Maybe two hours before he started work, after Debs had gotten home from school and could take care of Liam. He got real tired at night though when he was working, whenever he did come over after work he was out in less than an hour and Mickey would have to wake him up and send him home, unless Ian's puppy dog eyes worked there magic on Mickey, lately they usually did. 

What if Ian was too tired to come to the party? 

“I’ll tell people to come at 6 – 7? And Ian only works until 9…. So concerned about just the one guest are we? Trust me Mick, if we’re throwing a party, Ian will come… You like it when Ian comes, don’t you Mickey.”

She was teasing him again. He hated her right now because although it rarely happened, Mickey blushed.

“Go fuck yourself, better be lots of beer and weed at this party. And I aint cleaning up”

Yeah... He was gonna do this. Open up a little, let Ian in a bit more. He owed him that much, Ian had been really fucking good to him. He'd tell him about how he was feeling, how he wanted this too. He would Kiss Ian, god he couldn't wait to taste those lips again. 

Mickey hated parties, but he was really looking forward to this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to perfect the next couple of chapters, I just need them to shine!
> 
> So i may not be posting for a few days just to re edit and smooth some bits out that I'm just not 100% happy with.
> 
> Thanks for holding on and staying with me on this.
> 
> Let me know if you're enjoying it.
> 
> Love is always appreciated x


	13. Chapter 13

Ian had barely seen Mickey since their ‘sleepover’ on Monday night. Tuesday he went to the gym early and then had classes all day and then went to work. By the time he got home the house across from him was dark and he was exhausted so he just headed off to bed. On Wednesday he woke up late and didn’t make it for his usual morning run until after lunch, which completely threw him off schedule. He had planned to do his morning run, then head over to Mickey’s and spend lunch with him, fuck him and then head home to go grocery shopping before it was time to get Liam. He looked at his watch and realised he was really short on time. He should have skipped the run. He had time for a quicky though, Mickey probably would appreciate him all hot and sweaty anyway. That made him pick up his pace, He was rounding the corner of his street when he saw Mandy walking up to him.

“Look at my sweaty string bean!! Your face is the same colour as your hair!!”

He flipped her off and then shook his sweaty hair in her face, she slapped him playfully away.

“What’s up Mandy?” 

“I was coming over to officially invite my now not so new neighbours to a little house party.”

That had Ian interested. He hadn’t actually been to a party in forever. He could have a few beers for a change and let loose a little, hang on, she said neighbours… as in, plural.

“Neighbours…. My whole family?”

“Yeah, all of you. Few other neighbours are invited too. It’ll be Friday night so let everyone in your house know. You’ll be coming though right? Mickey asked if you would be. Worried you would be to tired from work, you gonna be to tired to come Pookie Bear?”

Mandy was such a fucking tease. Ian always took the bait.

“I have work, but I’ll definitely swing by after. So Mickey wanted to know, really? Did he seem worried I wouldn’t come? How is he? Do you know what he is... umm... Up to today?”

“ Woah, hold back on the 21 questions, I feel like I’m being interrogated by the Po Po. Back up Red…. Ok.... Yes Mickey wanted to know, Yes I think he was concerned you might not make it. He is fine. I think he is entertaining himself at the moment, Colin got a bunch of stolen laptops and Mickey’s been locked in his room probably furiously batting away to some gay porn. I dunno. Wanna come over and say Hi” 

He did he really did, he had planned on it but looking at his watch he realised that he had no time, unless Mickey would be down for shower sex, which he already knew he wasn’t. He had tried that, a lot. But Mickey wouldn’t let him. God, he couldn’t keep doing this. Mickey had to let him brake his stupid rules soon or he’d crack. He rubbed his hand through his hair and looked at Mandy. She was waiting for his answer. Fuck

“Wish I could Mands, but I Can’t, I promised to get groceries before I get Liam from school. No food in the house again, and I need a shower first. My week’s real busy. I can’t even pop in tomorrow, I got classes and I have to get my prescription sorted out. But I’ll be over Friday, can you tell Mickey I said hi though”

“Ok sweet cheeks,make sure you wear something sexy on Friday!!”

She winked at him as she literally skipped like a school girl down the road. And she calls him a dork?

 

Friday eventually rolled up, Ian was so looking forward to it. Kind of. Debbie, Liam and Fiona were coming as well. Lip was at college and he wasn’t exactly Mandy’s favourite person so he wasn’t making the trip down for it.

Ian was taking forever to try and figure out what to wear. He was standing in his room fresh out of the shower freaking out. He ended up putting on the dark denim jeans that he knew hugged his ass and legs in all the right ways. He had spent thirty minutes deciding on a shirt and still hadn't picked one…. he was tossing up between his light grey V neck that sat low on his chest, drawing the attention to his pecs, Or the tight green t shirt that outlined his abs and clung to his muscles and really made his eyes pop. He couldn’t pick one and was pacing in his room staring at the choices that he had laid out on his bed. He had never been this indecisive about an outfit before in his life.

“Debs, I need help!!”

She came in to his room, she didn’t look up from her phone. That thing seemed to be glued to hand these days.

“What, aren’t you gonna be late for work?”

“Yes, what should I wear?”

She briefly looked up at him, clearly dumbfounded by his stupid question, then went back to texting on her phone before replying.

“Too work?”

He let out an impatient sigh

“I’m heading to Mickey’s… well the Milkovich party straight afterwards. Just help me pick something”

That got her attention. She laughed at him and put her phone in her pocket

“Are you nervous. Oh, Ian! You could go over there in a garbage bag and he would drool all over you. Ok… Ok… wear the green… You look good in that. Wear it with that really dark blue jacket you have. Hurry up though, you’re going to be really late”

He kissed her on the head, pushed her out of his room and threw the clothes on that she had chosen and headed off to work.

 

__________

 

 

People started slowly arriving, Colin and Iggy rocking up first at 6pm. They had originally had a drug run scheduled for today and had been forced to postpone it because Mandy had demanded them too… Mickey thinks she may have threatened them with ball tasering again, he should never have bought her that for her 10th birthday. 

They both came in and slapped him on the back, pulling him in for a bro hug. Iggy tried to hand Mickey a few pills for the night but Mickey was too keyed up because of his planned ‘talk’ with Ian and told him he was good with the weed and beers for tonight. Plus to be honest, he didn’t like that shit around the house with Yevgeny here, especially after what had happened to Liam with that fucking coke incident. No fucking way was that gonna happen to Yev. He pulled Iggy and Colin aside and told him to keep their shit out of sight and if his kid ended up anywhere near that shit, he would rip their balls of, shove them down their mouths and make them gargle them whist singing the national anthem. They quickly promised and pocketed there shit.

Next came Vee and Kev, they had Kermit and one of Mickeys old rub and tug girls working the bar tonight, Kev had turned himself into the bartender of the party, pouring Mickey weird tasting drinks that had him well on his way to being drunk and it was only 7. 

The neighbour Jeff and his family came, bringing food much to the happiness of Mickey’s empty belly. The guy had good weed and they smoked up on the porch before Mickey went back inside and devoured most of the food the guy had brought over. He didn’t mind Jeff; he wasn’t much of a talker, which is why Mickey liked him.

Svets Russian girls were next, all dressed up like, well, what they were… whores. They all made Mickey do shots of Vodka at the kitchen table with them until the bottle was half gone. He squinted at his watch, his drunk eyes trying to focus on the time. Almost 8. C’mon Ian!

A few of the girls and kitchen hands from Mandy’s diner rocked up too. One of the guys handed Mickey a beer and so Mickey drank it. He looked around as he did. His house was getting full. He walked around to try and find a wall to hold his drunk ass up, away from people he really didn’t want to talk to eventually he found a spot a finished another beer off.

He checked the time and noticed it was almost 9 pm. He made his way through the crowd up to the bathroom to check himself out. He was wearing his nicest jeans. When he first pulled them on he realised that Yev had spilt something down them and he then had to wash it off with a rag and pray to god the stain wasn’t too obvious. He wore his Dark navy blue dress shirt that buttoned up, and had sleeves. He hated sleeves so he had rolled them up to sit just below his elbows. He looked good. And he knew this shirt brought out the blue in his eyes. His hair had grown so he had to gel it back so it didn’t boof out like it had been lately. He had made an effort and all for one fucking person. He wanted to do this right.

He started getting nervous, he smelled himself. He could smell a little bit of B.O, but the cologne he wore just covered it up so he smelt more musky than gross. He tried to look at himself in the mirror, but he was a little blurry. 'Fuck i'm too drunk and stoned.' Shit, he had let himself get too messy, trying to calm his nerves.He splashed his face with water and gave it a little slap to pep himself up. 

You’re all good. This is all good. Man up, you can do this.

“Need to pee. Move or I break door down”

It was always Svetlana interrupting his peace and quiet.

“Alright. Im done anyways”

He walked out, trying not to stumble and smiled at Svetlana

“You look good. Orange boy will have big hard dick for you.”

He fucking hoped so! God he was nervous.

“Go fuck a donkey Svet”

she flipped him off as she closed the bathroom door. He made his way down the stairs. It was just past 9pm, it shouldn’t be long now. He made his way down the stairs and almost bumped straight into Fiona. He had never been more excited to see her in his life.

“Hey Mickey, I bought some of that Cherry Pie you love”

She handed him the pie and then pulled him in for a hug, that shit was weird. They didn’t hug, ever.

“Oh… Ahhh… Thanks, Ian here with you?”

Couldn’t help himseld, he had to ask.

“Nah, He said he’d head over by himself when he finishes, I’m glad you guys are all good now.”

“Yeah, we’re like sortin’ it out and shit. Kinda hard to stay angry at that face, kids cute ya know”

She looked at him all goofy like. Why the fuck did he just tell her that. He just told her he thought Ian was cute, well he was but… Fuck he was way too drunk. He’s spilling too much truth out of his loose lips. She patted his cheek with her hand

“I know, that beautiful face could get away with murder, wanna beer?”

He really wanted a beer, but he needed to sober up and get away from Fiona before he told her any other little stupid things he felt about her brother. He needed to sit down and collect himself.

“Nah, I’m all good, need a breather, had a bit too much already."

He ended up making into the living room, kicking one of the Russian girls out of a seat and sat down to smoke a joint as he waited. He had chosen this seat because it gave him a perfect view of the front door. He was a few drags in and getting a hell of a buzz going when someone spoke to him.

“So, you’re Mandy’s brother”

Mickey looked over at the guy that was sitting next to him, He had blue eyes similar to his own, they had a little bit of gold flaked through them, Looked pretty trippy to a drunk and stoned Mickey so he kept staring into them

“Yep, who the fuck are you?”

He kept looking at his eyes and the guy chuckled before replying. His voice sounded really weird, Mickey’s head felt weird, he kept smoking his joint.

“Nathanial, call me Nate though… I work with Mandy, i'm a Dish pig”

He could not take his eyes off this other guys eyes, he had no idea what the dude looked like, didn’t really give a shit. He wasn’t staring at him because he wanted to fuck the guy, he was just mesmerised by the crazy eyes. They almost looked like gold stars, but in the day time sky…

'Wow, I’m really fucking high.' There must have been something weird in the joint he smoked before, or maybe the one he was smoking now. He realised that he still had his joint sitting in between his lips, but he couldn’t remember if he had actually smoked any. He took another drag and then the other guy, Nash.. or whatever his name was took it from his mouth and placed it in his own and took a long pull, twice, before placing it back in between Mickey's lips

The guy had turned his whole body towards Mickey and had put his hand on Mickey’s thigh. Mickey was way too out of it to brush him off. But the movement did tare his eyes away from the other guys, that’s when he noticed that the mans head had a green thing framing him from above the couch. He followed that green thing until it met a face, and then he was looking at green eyes, He knew those green eyes

“Hi”

They we’re the only words he could say, he thinks he smiled. But he wasn’t sure. What the hell was in this weed. He started to tingle all over. His head felt… airy, weird. There was a pressure that was still on his thigh moving around in comforting circles. He took his eyes off of the green ones to look at the pressure. It was that hand, he forgot it was there. The guy, whose hand it was, was completely oblivious to Ian standing behind him. He had his eyes closed and was now leaning his head on the couch with a blissful expression on his face. Mickey looked at the joint and butted it out into an empty bottle. There was definitely something weird in that shit. Because Nate… Nash.. Whatever his name was, was fine before he smoked it and now the guy looked wrecked.

He looked up at the green eyes. Smiling again. His face was beautiful, so fucking beautiful, if only Mickey could control his limbs he could reach out and touch it.

“Hi”

Why the fuck couldn’t he say anything else but Hi and why wouldn't his fucking legs move??

 

_________

 

Ian was livid, but trying so hard to calm himself down. He had just walked into the party and the first thing he saw was Mickey sitting comfortably on the couch talking and smiling like a loon at some other guy. And the other guy was hot and he looked really into Mickey. He couldn’t really see his face, just the side profile. His skin was beautifully tanned, he had dirty blonde hair that was framing his perfectly structured face and he was… Taking the smoke out of Mickey’s mouth and putting it in his own. Ian was raging. 

Deep breaths, Ian. One…. Two…. Three… Exhale. Nope not working, do it again.

The guy was now placing the joint back in Mickeys mouth. Ian looked at Mickeys face, he was just staring at this man like he was a god, granted he kind of looked like one but Ian had never seen him look at anyone that way before, not even at Ian he seemed so… fucking happy. 

He had to keep his mood in check, he had no right to be angry. They hadn’t discussed seeing other people, Ian had just assumed they weren’t. Mickey was on Home D for fuck sake. But he always told Ian that they we’re a convenient thing, said that if he could leave the house he would find someone else. Ian had thought that Mickey was just joking, maybe he meant it. Because here he was with someone else. 

Fuck, he was fuming. And then the guy put his hand on Mickey’s thigh, and Mickey didn’t flinch, or move it away. Ian saw red. This guy was getting all handsy with his Mickey!!

FUCK. Calm down. Breathe in and out. C’mon Ian, Calm down.

And the next minute he found himself somehow behind the man staring at Mickey. He waited for Mickey to register he was there. Finally Mickeys eyes managed to turn themselves away from the Greek god and move up towards Ian’s.

“Hi”

Just ‘hi’ that’s all he says. He still has a goofy expression on his face. Mickey then looked down at the other guy’s hand that was on Mickey’s thigh, Ian looked at it too. The guy’s thumb was making circle patterns on Mickey’s thighs. Ian brought his eyes back down to Mickey who was just fucking staring at this other asshole again, he then butted his cigarette out. Eventually he looked up at Ian again and smiled.

“Hi”

“Really Mick, that’s all you’re gonna say to me?”

He watched as Mickey rubbed his palms into his eyes, Ian also couldn’t help but notice the other mans hand had made it further up on Mickeys leg. Dangerously close to Mickey's cock. If that fucking hand touches that cock, Ian will fucking break it. The hand, not the cock. He still liked that cock. Even if the owner of said cock was currently being a... well a DICK!

“I don’t feel right, Iggy put something in that. Plus I drank a lot. Like A LOT hahahaa… You look nice”

He still hadn’t moved that guys hand off of him, is this seriously happening right now? The guy had his head on the couch and hadn’t even turned around at any point to acknowledge Ian. He clearly didn’t think he was a threat to him getting into Mickeys pants. He needed to get away and breathe. Process this shit like the doctor said before he reacts like a full on nut job. He was actually really proud of himself for keeping it together up until this point. He started to move. He needed to get away before he did something really stupid, like cut that guys hands off and gouge Mickey’s eyes out.

“Ok then, this is happening then… I’m going to go find Fi and grab a drink”

“Ok”

Clearly he was happy as fucking Larry on the couch with Handsy. He watched as Mickey slumped back down laying his head back on the couch.

“Hey kiddo you made it”

Fi jumped on him on his way to the fridge. He grabbed a beer and turned around to talk to her, she was smiling her big happy smile until she saw the beer in Ian's hand. He couldn’t deal with this shit right now.

“It’s all good Fi, I know my limits, you promised to ease up. I’m at a party and I really need this right now.”

She had been getting a lot more relaxed around him now, she rarely asked if he had taking his meds, didn’t look at him like he was about to break at any moment. He hoped and prayed that she would let this one go to. He was trying so hard to keep his anger at bay.

“Ok, I’m going over to Vee, you wanna hang with us”

Thank god, he opened his drink took a swig and nodded.

He made his way over to Kev and Vee in the living room. He found a spot against the wall where he could see the back of Mickey and Handsy’s heads slumped on the couch. Are they talking? Are they looking at each other like love sick puppys again? They kind of looked like they were asleep but Ian didn’t have the balls to check. He sat there running through thoughts in his head, occasionally nodding at the conversation that was going on around him. He waited and waited for Mickey to get up off the couch and talk to him, It didn’t happen. He ended up ignoring his two beer limit and had four, he was a little drunk by the time Mickey actually got off the couch

 

________

 

Mickey woke up as someone’s heel stepped on his foot as they walked past him sitting on the couch, his neck was aching. He looked around confused at all the drunk people around him, there seemed to be less people? Had Mickey nodded off? He grabbed his, now warm, beer off the table and downed it anyway. 

He felt something slightly heavy resting on his leg and looked down to find a guy’s hand on his lap; he flicked it off and stood up, having a slightly difficult time with standing up straight. He stumbled over to the fridge and grabbed another beer. He turned around and began moving his head side to side to crack his neck and out of the corner of his eye he saw Ian leaning against the wall near the bottom of his stairs, glaring at him. He made his way over. He realised that he was still a little buzzed. He stumbled slightly on his was over to the redhead.

“Hey”

“Hey yourself ass hole” Ian snapped back at him, Ok… Two can play at that game.

“What the fucks your problem Fuckface?” He spat the words into Ian’s face leaning in so they were just inches away from each other

Ian leaned in further so that his forehead was pushing against Mickey's and spat back into Mickey's face “You”

He was really pissed off. Mickey knew he had gotten himself wasted and was high on some weird shit still, but for the life of him couldn’t actually think of anything he had done tonight. Mickey backed away first.

“What the fuck did I do?” 

“Nothing” Ian obviously lied, he had to of done something to get this kind of reaction. 

“Jesus man, you are one confusing fuck!”

Ian leaned forward into Mickey's face wobbling as he kept advancing on him, Mickey backed up and Ian kept pushing both of his hands hard into Mickey’s chest forcing Mickey to step back every time.

“Says you!! I’ve been here for what…. Almost 2 hours and you have barely acknowledged me, I thought we were cool. You said we were cool. But we are not cool. We are not L L Cool J up in here, we are not Ice Cube in this mother fucker’…. you know who you are cool with.. Handsy… You guys are so fucking cool you’re like ICE man, Like fucking ICE cool with each other!!”

Ian had kept pushing into Mickey until Mickey’s back was up against the Kitchen Island. If the strange facial expressions and words coming out of Ian’s mouth hadn’t been so funny Mickey might have been pissed off at all the chest pushing and might have punched him in the mouth. But he was kind of amused. He looked into Ian’s eyes and realised how bloodshot they were and how he couldn’t stand straight.

“Are you fucking drunk fire crotch?”

“What if I am.. what are you gonna do bout it huh?” 

Ian lent into his face and poked him on the nose with one of his lanky fingers, Mickey brushed it off and laughed. People were looking over at all the commotion. Mickey hated it when people stared at him, judging him. Terry used to do that. He needed air. Fiona had started to make her way over to them. He put his hand up to stop her, looking at her hoping his eyes told her ‘I got this’. They must have because she stopped but kept watching them.

“I’m going to get you some water, drag your ass outside for some fresh air and have a smoke, that’s what I’m going to do, C’mon you weird mother fucker”

They sat on the porch in silence for a while as Ian sipped his water and began to sober up a little and Mickey smoked his cigarette. He watched Ian wobble around for a bit before he gave up trying to keep himself up and leant on Mickey for support. At first Mickey tensed up at the touch, he couldn’t help it still, but it felt nice and he thought, fuck it, and threw his arm around him and pull him in a little tighter.

“You all calm now? Thought you were gonna bust a nut or something in there” 

Ian was nestling into Mickey’s shoulder, trying to wiggle his head to rest it under Mickey’s chin. Mickey moved him over so he could. Stupid cuddly bullshit, Ian’s lucky he’s drunk. Actually, Mickey thought… he’s lucky I’m drunk. 

“Mmm kay now… sorry… I have no… right… ya know” 

Ian had his head in the crook of Mickeys shoulder as he spoke gently up to him. He was speaking into Mickey’s neck so he could barely make out what he was saying.

“No I do not know. C’mon mumbles let me get you to bed” 

He helped him stand up and they both wobbled a bit. Maybe Mickey wasn’t as sober as he thought

“With you?”

Ian looked at him with his dopey eyes and Mickey's chest warmed. Fucking adorable ass hole.

“No with my fucking sasquatch of a brother who’s passed out on my kitchen table. Fucking Colin, he snores like nothin’ else you’ve ever heard I tell ya…. Of course with me doofus, can’t have your ass wondering around trying to pick fights like a fucking tough guy. C’mon”

They both made their way into the house and started heading up the stairs. Fiona walked over to them.

“You guys Ok?”

“All good, Mickey’s taking ME to bed with HIM. ME Fiona, ME! He’s not fuckin’ with that Handsy mother fucker, but with MEEEE, IAN”

Ian kept pointing to himself when ever he was referring to himself, Mickey didn’t have a clue what the fucker was saying, but drunk Ian was one of his favourite things.

“Ok kiddo, night guys”

Fiona patted Ian on the back and left the boys to stumble in to the bedroom, highly doubtful that either of them could actually perform any sexual acts tonight, she clearly didn’t know those boys well enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting in to some serious things soon
> 
> Hope your hanging on!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos  
> I really appreciate the love, I stress so much before I post something, I'm worried I'm not doing the characters justice.  
> But then you lovely people comment and I feel so blessed.
> 
> Keep it up and I'll keep posting xo

Mickey woke up in the morning with a pounding headache and a warm body, with a large erection, pressed against his back. He looked at the arm that was hooked through his own and saw the pale skin and freckles and despite himself, he smiled. He could feel Ian’s breath lightly tickling the back of his neck as he breathed gently in his sleep… and it felt so good it felt like, home. He wriggled a little bit into Ian’s lap, pushing himself into Ian’s erection. He got the desired groan from Ian and then he felt Ian’s arm grip hold of his waist tighter as he copied the wiggle back into Mickey’s ass. He wasn’t sure if the redhead was doing this in his sleep or if he was awake now, but he didn’t care. He started gently rocking his body into the lap of the other boy until he felt Ian squeeze him tighter, his breath becoming stronger and hotter on the back of Mickey's neck. The hand that was around his waist slowly moved down until it was at the elastic band of his boxers, it lingered there. He felt Ian move his body closer and move his head into the crook of Mickey’s neck. His lips brushing up his neck until they rested on his ear and he whispered “Can I?”

Mickey felt his stomach flip at the words and he pushed into Ian a little harder before replying with a nod of his head. Ian always asked permission to do things with him nowadays. For some reason, he really like it. He bit his lip in anticipation as Ian finally placed his hands inside and let his fingers find him. The moment he felt the touch of Ian's fingertips brush him lightly down there, Mickey groaned again, Ian nuzzling into him at the response. He felt Ian bite at his neck as he began stroking him, building up speed and then he sunk his teeth in a little bit harder. Ian let go and licked the tender area and then tried to pull Mickey around onto his back. Mickey wouldn’t let him. He was hesitating. He had planned to talk to Ian last night, kiss him and shit, but they had both been to drunk and today he didn’t think he had the balls or the buzz to do it. Morning sex sounded good but fuck, he wanted to do this right. Ian deserved that after the months of bullshit Mickey had been putting him through. He felt Ian's body sag down against the mattress, he moved his body away from Mickey and sadly left out a soft sigh. his hand had stopped stroking Mickey but he still held on, he leaned into Mickeys ear again “Do you want me to stop?”

Mickey grabbed the hand that was around him, he couldn’t believe he was actually going to stop midway through getting a hand job, to talk…. About feelings. Jesus Christ! He had gone soft, well his penis hadn’t, just the rest of Mickey. 

“No but…” He removed Ian’s hand and rolled on to his back, he looked over at Ian’s worried face, saw his the despair in those beautiful green eyes, and he began to talk.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this but…..” He placed his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes, trying to get the courage to say something, anything. He felt the weight of the bed shift as Ian sat up. He didn’t remove his hand from his face, he stayed there covering his eyes, he was too nervous to look at him. Then the bed became emptier, Ian had moved off of the bed. Mickey removed his hands from his face and lifted his head to look at him. Ian was putting his pants on from last night.

“The fuck ya doing?” Mickey asked him as the redhead got dressed. He wouldn’t look at Mickey as he picked his clothes up off the floor

“Leaving. I get it Mick, we don’t need to talk about it” The stupid idiot had gotten the wrong idea. Couldn't really blame him, Mickey wasn't exactly giving off the vibe that he wanted the redhead to stay. Mickey sighed loudly and sat up straight on the bed and crossed his legs. Ian finally looked over at him. 

“You get what? You think I’m dumping your ass, I’m fucking not man, C‘mere.” 

He reached out and grabbed Ian's hand and pulled him down to sit on the bed with Mickey. Ian still looked sad, head down chin almost resting on his own chest. Mickey grabbed his face with both of his hands gently cupping his cheeks. He turned his face to meet his own and Ian's eyes then met Mickey's. Mickey began lightly stroking his thumbs along Ian's cheek bones as he held his face tenderly. He never really did this very often, but he knew that it was always soothing to Ian whenever Mickey touched him like this. It had the desired effect as he watched Ian’s face slowly relax from Mickey's gentle touch and then so he began talking again.

“I wanted to do something last night, but we both got to fucking shit faced. So now I’m trying to fucking grow a pair and fuckin', ya know, talk”

“Holy shit….” Ian’s face broke in to the hugest grin, he looked like a love sick puppy. He lifted his hand up and placed it on Mickey’s face. Urghhhhh… This was getting way too mushy for Mickey.

“Don’t look at me like that or I’ll fucking knock your teeth in” 

Mickey removed his hands from Ian's face and was now crossing them angrily on against his own chest, eyes sternly looking at Ian. Ian was so not buying the tough guy act but he clearly wanted to hear whatever Mickey was going to say so he sat back and crossed his legs on the bed, sitting the same way that Mickey was. 

“Ok, Ok….. Soooooo, what you wanna talk about” 

Ian asked him with a flirty expression on his face. He was still grinning, unable to keep his face straight. Mickey was getting embarrassed, he felt his face becoming flushed. He averted his eyes and placed his hands in his lap. He kept staring at his Fuck U-Up tattoos and began talking.

“Fuck you!.... This shit we’re doin'. It’s all good, ya know? And you’re like, trying and shit. So I thought…. I should like tell you…. That…. I. For Fuck sake! I like you and I want to fucking kiss you!! Do not fucking look at me like that, I will not hesitate to put my foot up your ass Galla…”

After he said that he wanted to kiss Ian he looked up at the dopey looking redhead. Ian was fucking glowing like those knocked up bitch's did. Before he could finish threatening Ian to wipe that shit eating grin off of his stupid face, the boy had cut him off by pressing his lips firmly on to Mickey's. And all the rest of the things Mickey had wanted to say to Ian vanishes, all he can think of is those lips, those beautiful lips pressed against his, soft and warm. 

They sat there softly just kissing each others lips until he felt Ian’s tongue gently open his mouth to let him slide it in. All that was going through Mickey’s head was, why the fuck did he wait 6 months to do this!He was in heaven.

Ian had one hand gripping the back of Mickey's head, fingers threaded through his hair and the other one gently resting on his collar bone, the thumb moving lightly back and forth. Mickey moved his hands up to hold Ian's head firmly to his lips, Their kiss became more intense, all teeth and tongues, tasting each other, loving each other. Ian eventually pulled away slightly letting out a moan into Mickey’s mouth, Mickey swallowed it up and then pushed Ian gently onto his back as Mickey straddled him. 

Ian let out a small laugh but was quickly quietened by Mickey's mouth again. Mickey nipped at his bottom lip, licked his tongue across it and then slid his tongue back inside that beautiful warm mouth, He let his whole weight fall onto Ian and their hands were everywhere over each other, touching and Kissing for so long that by the time they could eventually put themselves apart both boys had bright red swollen lips and were completely out of breathe. 

They hadn’t even done anything sexual, just kissing. But that’s all they needed to do at that time. For 6 months they had fucked. No real intimacy, but this, this was so much more and sex went out the window. Mickey was still on top of Ian, he had his hands pressed palm down into the sheets, caging Ian's head in between them. Ian was looking up at him, all heat and lust in his eyes, mouth deliciously red and swollen. Those fucking lips that he had been staring at for months, it’s been tempting him, mocking him to take a nibble. The next minute Ian lifts his head up and bites Mickey's bottom lip, gently using it to pull his face down closer to his own. He Keeps biting, sucking and then releasing Mickey's lips, again and again. Mickey laughs at Ian.

“You trying to fucking eat my face Gallagher?”

“I fucking will if you let me, Fuck I have missed this mouth”

He leans up and kisses Mickey again. And that’s all they do, no sex just kissing until Ian’s alarm goes off and they both groan with annoyance that they have to stop and get up.

 

_____________________

 

Ian is hung over as fuck. But he has never felt better. He spent the morning actually kissing Mickey again and it was better than he had remembered. His lips were still burning from the make out session that they had just had. It had been the most intense kissing session he had ever had. And if his stupid breakfast alarm hadn’t gone off, he could have spent more hours just doing that. 

He kept stealing glances at Mickey from across the kitchen table, he knew he was smiling all goofy at him, Mickey kept rolling his eyes and flipping him off when he caught Ian staring. Ian would laugh and Mickey would smile and FUCK. It was just so perfect. His stomach had a swarm of butterflies in there. They both finish eating and take the empty plates to the sink, Ian hesitates but ends up brushing his hand down Mickey’s arm, Mickey turns towards him so Ian grabs his hips with both of his hands and draws the shorter boy towards him, he leans his face down to Mickey’s.

“Can I kiss you again?”

He watches as Mickey's lip curls up into the most adorable smirk.

“You fuckin’ better”

And then his mouth is on Mickeys, he meant for it to be soft and loving… but he has been waiting for this, wanted this for so long and because Mickey had kissed him earlier, Ian just never wants to stop. He just smashes their lips together, all teeth and tongues. He wants to taste him. He tastes like breakfast, but he also tastes like Mickey, it’s Ian’s favourite flavour, Mickey. He moans into Mickey’s mouth. Fuck he has missed this, he feels like his breath had been sucked into Mickey’s lungs, breathing his soul swallowing it holding it down. This man owns Ian now, every fucking part of him. He bites Mickey's bottom lip, now that he’s allowed to, so he does it again and again. He bites it, releases it, then bites it again. Mickey pulls back and chuckles at him. 

“You fucking hungry for my mouth again Gingersnap”

Ian bits him softly on his neck, which makes Mickey chuckle again, Ian can feel th laugh vibrate through his throat onto his own lips.

“I’m always hungry for you”

He kisses his neck and moves hips lips to Mickey's Jaw line. Mickey pulls his head back and looks at Ian with laughter and love in his eyes and Ian's butterflies are back again with a vengeance.

“You're acting like a fuckin' horny teenager!!”

He leans in barely an inch away from Mickey's mouth and breathes his words into it as he pushes his thigh in between Mickey's legs.

“I am a fucking horny teenager” 

 

“Fucking gross. You gotta room asshole’s use it, this is where people eat, you're fucking kid eats in this kitchen Mickey! I’m fucking hungover as shit and I don’t need to see my brother sucking face with his boyfriend. ” 

Mickey backs up to turn toward the voice, Ian's hand is still holding on to one of Mickey’s hips, he doesn’t want to let go.   
Mandy always interrupting, Ian’s freaking that Mickey’s going to get in a mood again, like the other night.  
Mandy just said the boyfriend word and Ian knows Mickey isn’t ready for that, at least he thinks so? Yeah, he had said earlier something about liking him and wanting to kiss him, but boyfriend… Mickey’s not ready for that. is he? Ian waits for Mickey to push him away and snap. But he doesn’t, he stays right next to Ian, his hand still on the small of Ian's back. 

“Jealous that no ones sucking your ugly mug Mandy? And it’s not like we were fucking up against the fridge for fuck sake. Calm yo tits.”

“Still fucking gross”

Mickey just flips her off and saunters off into the living room leaving a happy but dumbfounded Ian standing in the kitchen.  
OK. So he didn’t shut down the boyfriend thing, but he also didn’t admit to it. Fuck, should he try and talk to him about it? Are they actually together again?

Ian’s been waiting for more, hoping for it. He was so close to giving up, and then Mickey blew him away this morning. Yeah they didn’t talk about shit. But he know’s how much kissing means to Mickey, It took him years to get Mickey to kiss him in the first place. He knows Mickey.

He only ever used to fuck guys, never let anyone fuck him… Until Ian did.  
He never sucked a dick... Until he sucked Ian’s. 

Mickey has this hard exterior but inside, he’s soft and scared, not in a bad way. He grew up in such a fucked up atmosphere that it was just hard for Mickey to feel things. Ian had finally got through to Mickey and then he had let him down. But things were good now. And Mickey had kissed him.

Ian shook his head. Mickey had moved their relationship forward. This was good. Giving Mickey time was working, this was working! So Ian decided to keep his mouth shut and let Mickey keep running this show.

“Gonna move your ass so I can get to the milk lover boy”

Mandy snaps him out of his deep thoughts, he moves and kisses her on the cheek as he goes to sit in the living room with his MAYBE boyfriend.

 

________________

 

 

Since their first kiss, well first kiss since they’ve been back together. Ian has spent every night here. They didn’t talk about it. It just happened. Mickey’s laying on his bed, Ian curled up sleeping at his side. Mickey’s looking around his room at all of Ian’s things that he’s been slowly leaving here.

His gym bag is lying on the floor, his clothes are all over the place. When Mickey opened his closet a week ago he noticed a pile of Ian’s clothes stacked neatly on the floor tucked behind a box that Mickey had never unpacked. His laptop is on a chair near the end of the bed, stack of his books from school next to it.

He starts thinking about the rest of Ian’s things that are in other rooms if his house. His healthy cereal and gross fucking protein bars are in the cupboard in the kitchen. His deodorant and toothbrush are in his bathroom. And Mickey has realised that he really doesn’t mind. He lays there for awhile staring at this beautiful boy and his heart just burns, but he likes this burn. He knows this burn. He loves him. After everything, he loves him still. This boy has been here, doing everything slowly to keep Mickey happy. Keeping his distance when Mickey needs it, being close when he needs that too. Ian just knows him. 

He rolls over into the sleepy redhead next to him and gently kisses him on the lips waking the boy up from his sleep.

“mmmmm, morning”

Ian puts his arm around Mickey and pulls him close. Mickey snuggles into him. Their faces are so close he can feel Ian’s breath dancing across his face. Ian’s eyes slowly open and he smiles. Mickey’s stomach flutters at the sight. So he leans in and presses his lips on Ian's again. As per usual, the kiss gets deeper, Ian grabs Mickey by the hips and grinds himself into him, Hard cock against Hard cock. 

Mickey grinds back, the friction driving him wild. He grabs a fist full of Ians hair as he draws his lips away from him and begins to kiss and suck at his neck. 

“Fuck Mick” 

Mickey shifts his head, hand still gripping Ian's hair, and looks up in to the green eyes, seeing that his pupils are blown and his face is flushed is really turning him on. He smiles at him cheekily and breathes words into Ian's open mouth

“That’s the plan”

And the next minute Mickey is on his back with Ian on top of him his palms flat on the bed framing Mickey’s face. Mickey places his hands on Ian's hip and pushes his erection harder into his own and starts rolling his hips. Ian leans down and starts nuzzling his neck, latching on to him with his mouth and sucking on his skin 

“You taste so good” Ian whispers hotly as he kisses lightly along Mickey's jaw, both boys hips rolling harder and faster 

“Wanna be inside you” Ian reaches his hand down and grabs both of their swollen, leaking erections and starts stroking them together “You want me inside you?”

Mickey doesn’t know if it’s a statement or a question.

He must have answered because the next minute Ian's letting go of their cocks and lubing his fingers up to work Mickey open for him. He never stopped kissing and nuzzling him whilst he did it. Mickey groans the moment he feels Ian slide his finger over his hole. 

“You don’t need much, last night has you ready still” He easily slips two fingers inside straight away, there’s still a little pressure and sting as it goes in, but fuck it feels good.

“Fuck me” the words leave his lips breathlessly and he moans as Ian scissors his fingers inside him “now please” 

He looks up at Ian who is kneeling in front of him now, working his hole to perfection. He looks so fucking hot that Mickey moans at the sight of him, he watches Ian until Ian’s eyes look back at him. Ian grabs Mickey’s legs and brings his ass to sit on his lap

“Wanna ride me?” Mickey doesn’t answer he just sits up in Ian's lap and smashes his lips into Ian's cheeky grin. 

His hands are in Ian's hair pushing his mouth hard against his own. Ian places his hands on the back of Mickey's neck as he shifts to grab a condom.   
Mickey doesn’t let Ian’s lips escape his own. He can hear Ian fumbling around, he moans into Mickeys mouth “Gonna be so good” God he loves it when Ian talks like this. 

He releases Ian’s mouth from his own. Watches as Ian lubes himself up once the condom is on. 

“Ready” he asks with that fucking devilish grin, one eyebrow raised as he places his hand on Mickey's dick again 

“Fuck’n get on with it” 

He laughs at Mickey's response as he lifts Mickey up and and gently pokes him with his dick, he lets the tip slide in and a moan escapes Mickey’s mouth. He lifts Mickey back up again so that Ian's tip pops out. 

“No.. please..”

“You want more, can you take it all?”

He pushes the tip in again, this teasing is frustrating, but it’s making him so fucking excited. He's so fucking ready. He’s looking into Ian’s eyes and he can see just how much he is enjoying himself, which makes Mickey enjoy this even more. He knows that once Ian is inside, he won’t take long to climax, he is aching for it.

“Fuck you, you fuckin' know I can take it, give it to me”

Ian complies by pushing his full length all the way In. He makes sure he is watching Mickey’s face as he does it. The moment Ian’s full length is inside him, Mickey whimpers and Ian moans.

Ian's hands are on Mickey's hips and they start moving together, Ian pushing his hips up and Mickey bobbing up and down. Mickey’s biting ians neck and listening to Ian grunt as Mickey rides him with force. 

They haven’t done this yet. And he knows how much Ian loves this. Ian's grabbing at him, first at his hips to push him down harder in a rhythm that’s got Mickey panting like a dog, then his hands are sliding inside Mickey's top, scratching at his back, making it arch in pain and pleasure. 

Mickey grabs himself and starts sliding his hand up and down, going at the same pace that he’s riding Ian at.  
“Close.. Fkn.. Mick..Gonna” Ian open his eyes and grabs the back of Mickey's head with one hand, the other still pushing Mickey down on his cock by his hip. 

He pushes his foreheads together with Mickey's and kisses him all sloppy and wet. He stares into Mickeys eyes amd Mickey almost come's undone from the look of lust and want that is pouring out of this hot and sweaty man he has in between his thighs.

“Me too. Fuck. Me. Yes” And then they both come. Ian inside him, Mickey all over his own top and Ian's chest.

They fall back on the bed, Mickey on his back and Ian exhausted on top of him. They’re both sweating, hot and sticky, covered in cum. 

“Fuck me Mickey, you ride dick like a cowboy.”

Ian is panting on top of him, he eventually pulls himself out and rolls over. He takes the condom off. Mickey get’s up off the bed, legs slightly shaky and walks over to take his messy, sticky top off and put a new one on. 

Ian goes to get up off of the bed, but his legs are wobbly and one of them gives way and he stacks it. Mickey has only just managed to take his top off when he turns around at the sudden noise.

Then Ian’s already pale face goes three shades paler. He looks up at Mickey with tears welling in his eyes. His hand drawn to his mouth in horror.   
Mickey just looks at him confused. Did he hurt himself? Shit, is he ok?   
He makes a move to walk over to him but then Ian speaks, straining to get the words out, it comes out shaky and quiet.

“What did you do?”

And then it hits Mickey like a fucking tidal wave.   
He has no top on.   
Ian can see his naked chest.

No.  
Fuck.  
No.  
No.  
FUCK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's happening... Oh shit, It's actually happening!!
> 
> Thanks so much for all the love, you guy's are Fan-Fucking_Tastic!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need some help people. I have two options for where i want this to go which will make this story either end in a few chapters or drag it on a little longer.  
> What do you guys think....?
> 
> Comment and I'll decide by your reactions!
> 
> Also thinking of doing another story where Mickey served his minimum time, til he's 30, and then goes out in the world. Will be an eventual Gallavich ending with relationships in between, Yeah or Nahhhhhh??
> 
> Comment and let me know if you're keen x

He’s seen it. He’s fucking seen the carved out chest tattoo. 

Well, there isn’t really much of the original tattoo left, just an ugly hole.  
The skin is a mess of white and pink angry lines, puckered skin, with a few blobs of black where the ink still stuck.

The boys in the jail had actually dug the fucker out. They had originally started scratching over it, but on that day it hadn’t been enough for Mickey. He had told them to carve it out, dig it out. And they had. 

He watched as they ripped off chunks of his flesh, he felt like they were ripping Ian actually out of his him, finally out of his skin, his heart, his blood stream. All of him gone. 

He had done this to himself because of this boy.  
The boy that was now a quivering mess on his floor.  
He had loved Mickey and then once Mickey loved him, he threw him away.  
He left him broken.  
And Mickey had to get Ian out of him, off of him.  
He was burning him, that name was poisoning him, killing him. He had to get it out of him.  
So he had.

Now he was left with a nasty hole in the middle of his chest, matching the nasty hole that was in his heart. 

And Ian had finally seen it, he had known what was there before. Now he knew what was left.

He looked at Ian. He watched as the red head just stared at the hole and he continued to watch him as the few tears began to fall from the terrified green eyes that he still loved. Ian’s mouth was quivering; he was backing away from him. 

Because that’s what Ian does. He loves him and then he backs away, leaves.  
Mickey can’t move, he can’t breathe.  
He doesn’t want Ian to leave him again.

“Oh…. Babe…

Mickey is still staring at Ian as Ian finally speaks. But he can’t move and Ian seems to be stuck on the floor, his hands are on his own face, his eyes are now closed and he’s shaking, his whole body is shaking. He should go to Ian and stop him from shaking, pull his hands away from his face and kiss those tears away.

Mickey is frozen still. He can’t move and he can’t tear his eyes away from Ian’s face. His chest is tightening and he can't breathe.

They stay like that for a few minutes, but it feels like forever for Mickey. Ian not opening his eyes, Mickey not closing his. Until Finally Ian looks up at him. Red rimmed eyes, tear stained cheeks. He shakily stands up and takes a few steps towards Mickey. He’s staring at the hole now. Then he looks up at Mickey, with such sadness, such pain.  
Mickey wants to shout at him “YOU MADE ME DO THIS”  
Mickey wants to hold him and whisper to him “I’m sorry, I love you”  
But he doesn’t say anything, his lips won’t move, his feet won’t move. And Mickey still can’t breathe.

“Oh god Mickey, I’m so fucking sorry”

And the next minute Ian was on him, holding him and crying.  
Stroking his body and kissing every bit of skin he could.  
Mickey still stood there. He felt like the room was getting smaller. He had ripped Ian out of himself. And now what the hell was he doing, handing himself straight fucking back? 

That tattoo had reminded him of the love he had for a boy that broke him. The hole now reminds him of the pain he went through to rid himself of that boy, This boy.

But Ian’s been trying, and Ian has been so good. Yeah he fucked up, but Mickey did too.  
God he was so confused.  
Ian kept his arms around Mickey, but pulled his head back to look at his face. Mickey still couldn’t move, but he locked his eyes on to Ian’s.

 

“Talk to me, say something…. Mickey you’re scaring me”

You scare me. Loving you scares me. Not loving you scares me more.  
He tried to say something, but he still couldn’t. He needed to breathe. Why can’t he move, why can’t he speak. He needs to say something. 

His legs wobbled. Ian pulled Mickey to the floor before his legs gave way and he collapsed. He sat down and Ian sat in his lap. Still holding him, stroking him and kissing him. He kept telling him he was sorry, that he loved him over and over again sobbing between each word and kiss. Mickey wanted to say it back, but the words wouldn't form and his mouth wouldn't open.

Ian kissed his cheek, and then his nose and then his other cheek … it felt nice. He grabbed Mickey’s face with both of his hands and lightly brushed his lips onto Mickey’s, then he pulled back and looked at him again.

“Do you want me to go?”

Did he? He really didn’t know right now what the hell was going on, what the hell he wanted.  
Why couldn’t he move or fucking speak?  
Ian slid off of Mickey’s lap, Mickey instantly felt the cold loneliness pour through his body. Just like he had felt in Jail when Ian had left him, stopped loving him. No, he didn’t want Ian to go. He needed Ian. As fucked up as that sounded in his head. Ian had done this, but only Ian could fix this. He needed the warmth that only Ian's love gave him.

Without saying anything he reached his arm out and grabbed Ian’s and pulled him back to sit on his lap again. The moment he did, Mickey relaxed a little, comforted by having his warmth back. His presence soothed hi, eased his pain a little.

They sat there for hours. Ian pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around them, he never left mickey’s lap. He sat there and kissed him lightly everywhere. He never uttered a single word. It was like Ian knew that Mickey needed the quiet, just to think. He stroked his hair and leant his forehead against Mickeys. He would occasionally utter a word to Mickey. Mickey thinks it was "Sorry" ,"I Love You'. but his ears are ringing, all he can really hear is his blood pumping through his body. 

Mandy came in at dinner time, well he assumed it was dinner time because it had started getting dark outside. She was obviously confused as to why she hadn’t seen either of them all day and that was why she had come in. He didn’t look at her, but he thinks Ian said something to her. He can’t really remember. But she came back up with food and he think he ate.

“I’m sorry”

Ian almost jumped when Mickey spoke, even though his voice came out so quietly, almost a whisper.

"Baby, it's ok. I'm so sorry. Why did you do this?"

Mickey's eyes moved, finally registering the look on Ian's face. Love, worry. hurt, pity? 

“I don’t want your fucking pity; it was stupid to put that on my skin in the first place. I just covered it up” 

Ian leaned his head back off of Mickeys shoulder but he left his arms draped around his neck and scowled at Mickey.

“Covered it up? That’s not fucking covering it up Mick. That’s self-mutilation!! That’s…. Fuck Mickey. I knew this was bad. Like…. After that day when you yelled at me… I like, I HEARD YOU. The crying, I knew I had fucked you up, but this…. I just….”

Ian’s voice softened and he placed his forehead against Mickey’s, sad eyes on sad eyes.

“I don’t pity you, I love you. This is a big deal, you’re not ok… and I know this is my fault, I’m sorry, I…”

Mickey cut him off before he could finish. Now that he could finally talk again he just wanted to spit it all out. He needed to explain his actions.

“It was a fucked up thing to do. I know. I needed to show you I loved you, I thought it would make you stay. You always wanted this romantic shit, you know…. dates, kissing, cuddling and holding fucking hands…. and I thought, what’s a bigger sign to show I love ya than inkin’ you on my chest? It was a stupid decision. I don’t fucking think sometimes, I just do. Then you were really gone and I fucking tried to accept it… but I felt like having your name on my chest, it was really burning me. Hurtin’. I needed it fucking gone. So, I just didn’t think again… I just fucking got it done, ya know? Carved it the fuck out. It’s the way I am, it’s what I do. I do dumb shit, my head just doesn’t think first. I’m so fucking stupid!! 

Mickey couldn’t look at Ian as the words finally erupted, tumbling out of his mouth. He has no idea what Ian’s face looked like when he said all those words. The whole thing was a blur, he thinks he yelled some of it out, he might have even pushed Ian because he was now sitting on the floor and not on Mickey’s lap. He looked so broken. Mickey had been thinking for so long now that all though Ian had broken him, he had done just as much damage to Ian. He was still doing him damage for fuck sake! While Ian was trying to fix him, fix what he done, all Mickey was doing was causing Ian pain, just like he used to, like he probably always would. He softened his voice and wet his lips before he spoke again.

“Look, todays fucked. This is fucked. I’ve been dreading you seeing this, I’ve been putting it off for so fucking long. Today was bad. I don’t know what to think or do right now. I’m so sorry, fuck… This thing here, I never look at it. I don’t want to remember... Sometimes I totally forget it’s there. But when I’m with you…. I know it’s there because I’m fucking hiding it from you, for you…. Not just for you, for me too. I don’t want to remember all the bad shit. What we both did. This is a constant reminder and I don’t know what to do. Every time you see it you’re gonna remember, then I’ll remember. It’s gonna fuckin’ ruin us! Which is so fucked up because we’re doing good right now. Well, we were until you saw this”

He looked up at Ian’s face to see if he could tell by his reaction, what he was feeling. But Ian was just staring at the floor, body slumped over. Mickey just waited. Breathing in and out. The anticipation got to much for him and he growled at Ian.

“Fucking say something. I’m spilling all this shit out and you’re just sitting there. Fucking speak.”

Ian started softly crying. And as much as Mickey needed reassuring right now, he could tell that Ian needed to be held, like he had held Mickey all day today. He knew he needed to be patient, even though that was definitely not something that Mickey had ever been able to do. But Ian had been so patient with Mickey for all these months just passed. He sighed. He was so drained from today. He pulled Ian down with him so they were now lying on the floor. Ian’s head was on Mickeys chest. He started stroking his hair and felt the redhead relax a little in his arms. Mickey fell asleep to the sound of Ian quietly crying.

 

 

He woke up early in the morning on the floor, back aching. With no Ian. He immediately started to panic. He looked around the room, hoping he would be on the bed or something. But he wasn’t. He could see from the window that it was still dark outside, but the sun was about to rise. Maybe Ian went to the bathroom? He stretched out and put some clothes on and went to the bathroom to wash his puffy face and see if Ian was there. He wasn’t.

He made his way down stairs and called his name.

“You down here? Gallagher?”

Panic started to course through his body… Where the fuck was he? Shit… He’s left. He’s fucking left me? His heart beat sped up; there was a lump in his throat.

“Here”

He spun his head around to the quiet voice that was coming from under the kitchen table. His heart stilled a little as he peered under the table and found Ian sitting there, hugging his legs with his chin resting on top of them. 

“You scared the fuck outta me. Why you under here?”

“Dunno. Felt right”

Ian didn’t move. Didn’t look at Mickey. Mickey was freaking the fuck out, he’d seen him look like this before. When things were really bad.

“Ok… Scoot over”

Ian doesn’t move but Mickey gets under the table with him anyway. He mimics the way he is sitting. They are shoulder to shoulder. He can hear Ian breathing gently. His eyes are glassy and he’s just staring off into space. Mickey is trying not to freak out. This is bad. This is really bad.

“Need anything”

Ian doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head. They sit there in silence for a while until Mickey finally speaks again.

“Having a moment… or should I be worried?”

He waits patiently for the answer he is dreading to hear. Because he knows. This is serious

‘I dunno. I just feel sad. Don’t freak out but… I missed a couple of doses yesterday. So I think because I’m in a down mood it’s just a little more intense. I think I need to go home for a couple of days”

Mickey feels bad because he knows that Ian sat with him all day yesterday. He skipped breakfast and lunch which means he skipped both of those doses because of Mickey. Not only was his depression hitting him bad because of his bi polar, but also because of all the shit that happened yesterday. Mickey’s fucking chest, his words and his freak out have caused Ian to be like this. And Ian wants to go home; he wants to be far away from him. What if he never comes back? What if he can’t deal with how much Mickey loves him, how much he fucking hurts him too? Maybe it’s for the best, he can’t handle the thought of Ian having to deal with this shit all the time. It’ll happen every time he sees Mickey’s stupid chest. He’ll remember all this shit and he can’t deal. He clearly can’t cope with this. Mickey asks the question that is killing him inside. He knows the answer, but he still needs to ask

“You… like, leaving me again”

He holds his breath; waiting for the answer… it’s going to be yes, he knows it. His chest burns again, that stupid fucking hole in his chest is on fire. He scratches at it.

“Do you want me to?”

Does he? Ian’s question lingers in his mind. No he doesn’t. But Ian can’t keep dealing with Mickeys bullshit. This is bad for him. Bad for his health.

“I dunno”

Ian sighs, and slides out from under the kitchen table. Mickey doesn’t move. He watches Ian’s legs as they walk away from him until he can’t see them anymore. He hears the front door open and then close. Ian’s gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this is it. The final chapter.
> 
> Thanks so much for sticking with me :)  
> Sorry for all the poor spelling and grammar.  
> Hard to spell check and edit myself.
> 
> Kudos and comments have been AMAZING!
> 
> BIG LOVE AND KISSES TO YOU ALL XOXOXO

Ian doesn’t leave his bed for four days. 

On the first day, Fiona wanted to get him straight to the clinic. Ian reassured her that he was fine. He would keep taking his meds he’s just having a bad moment. He thought about Mickey’s chest all day and how he had tried to rip Ian from his skin, from his life because he loved Ian so much and Ian had thrown him away, had broken him. He thinks about how when Ian had loved Mickey and begged him not to marry Svetlana, that it mattered to him if he did it. Mickey didn’t care then, he did it anyway.

On the second day, Mandy brought his stuff over from Mickey’s house. She didn’t ask questions she just sat with him and stroked his hair and talked to him all day, he doesn’t remember what she said except the story about the asshole she kicked in the nuts because he touched her ass at work. He thinks he might have laughed at that. He took his jumper out of his gym bag because he knew it still smelt like Mickey. He hugged it whilst thinking about how Mickey had sat there unmoving for a whole day. Not crying, not talking, not doing anything. Just being so completely ruined because of Ian and what loving him made him do. He also remembered when Mickey had let Ian leave, join the army. He couldn’t breathe knowing Mickey was sleeping with someone else, that all Ian was to him was a warm mouth and a dick in his ass whenever he needed it. Ian left that day because loving Mickey had hurt too much and he needed to escape. 

On the third day Lip came home, he tried to get Ian out of bed. Lip slapped him. Ian didn’t retaliate… the sting briefly took away the pain in his heart until it faded and the pain came flooding right back. He thought of all the times that Mickey had made his heart hurt. Like that time at the abandon building when Mickey wouldn’t admit he loved Ian and that he was gay, he had punched Ian, kicked him in the face. But none of that hurt as much as when Mickey walked away from him that day, left him bleeding and broken. He kept hearing Mickey’s cries and screams in his head when Ian had tried to apologise for the break up and Mickey had told him how much Ian had fucked him up. Those screams haunted his sleep that night. 

On the fourth day Mandy came back and sat with him again telling him about the douchebag she had just dumped. Liam crawled into his bed after and cuddled him telling him he loved him and missed playing with him. When he thought of Mickey that day, he thought of all the times he would get Ian to fuck him and then he would leave him, barely uttering a word to him, never kissing him. He remembered the first time Mickey had kissed him, and all the other kisses they had ever had.

By the fifth day Fiona broke down. Ian sat up and hugged her and told her he was sorry, he didn’t want her to cry or worry anymore and he promised he would get out of bed. So he did. 

 

__________

 

Mickey had barely slept for four days.

On the first day he stayed in bed smelling his sheets and pillows that smelt like Ian. He missed him and worried about him all day. He saw Debbie leave the house and yelled at her to come over. He asked her how Ian was, asked her to keep him updated every day. He yelled at Mandy when she tried to pack Ian’s things up. He pushed her out of his room and locked the door and held Ian’s gym bag to his chest and cried. Ian was over there depressed as fuck, because of Mickey. He eventually packed his stuff up and dumped it at all at the front of Mandy’s door. He only slept for a few hours that night, Ian clouded his dreams.

 

On the second day he ripped his sheets off of his bed, the smell of Ian was suffocating him. He needed it gone. He waited for Mandy to come home after she visited. She told him that Ian wouldn’t leave his bed unless it was to take a piss. She told him that he was still taking his meds. She tried to hug Mickey but he shoved her away. His stomach growled at him reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since….. Since Ian was here? When he was broken unable to move from the floor and Ian had made Mandy get Mickey food. He ate a little but it made him feel sick. He screamed and punched a hole in his wall, that had made him feel a little better. He made his way down to the laundry and picked his dirty sheets up, hugging them to his chest in bed. They still faintly smelt like Ian.

On the third day he thought a lot. He had started thinking about how Ian always leaves him, how Ian fucks him up. But then he started thinking about all the times Mickey had left Ian, like the time he Married Svetlana when Ian begged him not to, and Mickey did it anyway. He thought about the time that he told Ian he was just a warm mouth to him, the hurt in his face etched clearly in his mind still to this day. Mickey fucked Ian up a lot too. Mickey looked at his fingernails that day and realised he had bitten them down that most of his nails were bleeding. Mandy came into his room that night and he let her hug him then.

 

On the fourth day his home detention was lifted. Debbie came over and told him that Ian was still in bed. If he didn’t get up tomorrow Fiona was taking him to hospital again. Mandy visited Ian again; he didn’t ask her how he was. She didn’t tell him. He played with Yev that day. He watched how his little boy smiled and giggled, he smiled back at him. Just a little one. He thought about all the days lately that Ian had played with Yevgeny, blowing raspberries on his tummy. Ian would look at Mickey and tell him that Yev had his eyes, and that they were his favourite thing in the world. He got really drunk that afternoon. He slept for a full 8 hours that night, completely exhausted, he still dreamt of Ian all night long.

By the fifth day he woke up and felt ok. Not good, but better. He ate breakfast with Yev, argued with Svetlana and called Mandy a cumguzzler. He kept looking out the window, checking for any activity from the Gallagher house. Debs came over and told him that Ian was up; that he had eaten breakfast with everyone and had just left for a run. Mickey thought it would be best to stay away, wait for Ian to come to him, but by lunch time he couldn’t fucking help himself and he made his way over to the Gallagher house.

 

____________

 

On day five, after Ian had finally gotten out of bed he had a long shower, and cried until the water ran cold. He made his way down to breakfast and smiled at everyone pretending like he was fine and that his heart wasn’t broken and his head wasn’t confused. He went for a run, going out the back door so he could avoid the Milkovich house. He wasn’t ready for that yet. He needed to think about what he wanted to say to Mickey, he needed to do this right. He ran without his iPod in listening to the sounds of his neighbourhood as he thought. He loved Mickey and he knew Mickey loved him just as much too. But could they deal with all the shit from the past and move on? Could they became something more than the dysfunctional mess their relationship had been in the past? After his run he went inside the house, the back way again and there was Mickey in his Kitchen. He look drained, he was standing leaning on the fridge with the contents of a half drunken beer can in one hand the other rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He looked up at Ian and gave him a half-hearted smile

“Hey”

Ian stared at him watching as Mickey spoke that single word. Mickey biting his lip, his tongue darting out every time he released his lip from the grasp of his teeth.

Hang on…. What about his home detention? Fuck, had he come over here and broke his probation? Ian was nervous that the cops were coming to take Mickey away again, away from him.

“How are you here?”

Mickey must have seen the look in his eyes of fear, because he answered quickly in his most calming tone. Which was one that he didn’t use very often.

“S’all good man. Home D got lifted yesterday and I’m on curfew now… Start my job next week and everything.”

“Oh…Ok”

Ian didn’t know what to say, he was overwhelmed with relief that Mickey wasn’t leaving him again, not yet anyway. He was still standing by the back door and realised  
that he had left it open. He quickly closed it and turned back around. Mickey was still in the same spot by the fridge.

“Peppermint Patty came over this morning and told me you were out of bed. You all good now?”

“I guess”

He didn’t really know what to say. He was ok, but he wasn’t. Ian just stood there eyes glued on the man leaning on the fridge. He watched Mickey for a long time until Mickey’s facial expression changed to a slight hint of anger.

“Fuck this, I’m out. Come see me when you’re fucking mouth works”

Shit. He was being weird again. He was lost in his thoughts and standing in the kitchen like an idiot. And Mickey, being Mickey, took it that Ian didn’t want to see him. He was wrong, so wrong. Mickey had put his drink down and was walking into the living room, Ian quickly walked over to him, grabbed his arm and spun him around to face Ian again. 

“Wait!! Fuck, you being here just took me off guard. But we need to do this. I… Look…”

He looked at Mickey’s waiting eyes. He could see how scared he was, just like Ian. He needed to man up and do this, get things started. He had both his arms gripping Mickey’s biceps. He loosened his grip but didn’t let go. He needed to get this all out and he was scared Mickey would walk away from him before he had finished. He would not let that happen today. This needed to be done. He took a deep breath to calm his nervous and started his speech.

“All I’ve done for the last few days is think about us and think about what the hell I’m going to say to you. I’ve hurt you but you’ve hurt me too. Before all the shit I put you through, you put me through a lot of bullshit too. I love you with all of my heart. And I know that you love me, but all we ever do is fuck each other up. It’s this fucking intense love, which should be amazing, but all it seems to do is damage us. It’s not fucking healthy Mickey. Fuck, When we’re good we are really fucking good, but the moment something bad happens, we both just go to the extremes with it. We just can’t…”

“I know,I know.Fuck but I…”

Mickey interupted his speech and was trying to pull away, but Ian tightened his grip. He knew Mickey wouldn’t wait for him to finish. This impatient man heard what he wanted and freaked out without actually letting Ian speak and listening to the whole thing. He needed to speak again quickly before Mickey broke free.

“Please Mickey, let me speak! What you said the other day, what I saw….it was a lot to take in. I see what loving me does to you and I just... Fuck, can we keep doing this too each other? I hurt you, you hurt me… Then we’re good, then we’re not. It’s a little fucked don’t you think? But I thought about it for days, it’s all I’ve done for four days Mickey. I can do this, with you, I can always do this. No matter what happens i will always choose to have this with you. I don’t give a shit about all that’s happened between us in the past. Because at the end of the day. It’s always going to be you for me Mick, you’re it. But you need to be willing to let me in again. I know it’s a big risk, for the both of us. I don’t know what you want to do, or if you still want this after… you know, what happened the other day and everything I’ve done to you. All I know is that I want this; I need to know if you do to. Can you put the past in the past and move on with me? With us? Because I’m willing to, if you are?”

Ian was shaking. That had taken him so much courage to get out. He looked at Mickey’s face to see if he understood, accepted, wanted this or if he wanted to walk away. Mickey took a step back out of Ian’s grasp eyes wide. Ian watched as Mickey thumbed his bottom lip. His heart sunk. This doesn’t feel right. Something's wrong. Ian leant back on the arm of the lounge chair for support. He was freaking out. He looked at Mickey’s worried expression, finally Mickey spoke.

“We shouldn’t be doing this right now, You just had like a break down and shit, it’s too fucking soon. We can...”

Jesus Christ. This needed to stop. He still hated the babying. Mickey never did it that much now, and Ian realised that he had just flipped out, so having Mickey worry a bit about his mental health was normal, but still, Ian was pissed.

“Fuck you Mickey, don’t do that. You want to help me? Make me not lose my shit? Then talk to me. I’m ready for this. I need you to talk to me. Please”

Ian stayed on the arm of the chair, waiting for Mickey to speak. He watched as he began to pace. Hand scratching at the back of his neck, eyebrows doing that Mickey thing they always did.

 

“Fuck.. Yeah, Ok. You want me to talk again, fucking fine. Here it is….It freaks me out to let you in again, you make me do stupid shit. I can’t fucking think properly when I’m with you, But I can’t think either when I am not with you, you just take up all of me. Everything in my world becames fucking you. If I let you in again, I can’t have you just say… I’m done, and leave. You can’t fucking leave me, ever. I fucking need you to breathe; I choke when you’re gone. Do you get it? I’m fucking terrified that I’m gonna keep snapping at you and you’re gonna lose it and shit. I can’t fuck you up any more, I really don’t want to hurt you. I kept trying to just fuckin’ step away from you, from this…. But then I see you and I just want a little bit of you. But you’re like a fucking drug to me and with you.. For me… it’s all or nothing. I can’t just… I fucking need you. You make me strong. Yeah I know I act like a tough guy, but inside I’m not. Not till I’m around you… You helped me come out, be me. I can really fucking be me, be free... But only when I’m with you. I feel lost when you’re not around. You are my air, my warmth you are my fucking home! Home for me is lying wherever you are, in your stupid freckly lanky arms!! Yeah, I want this, I really do. Fuck you for coming in to my life Gallagher, you flipped it the fuck around. I’m fucking terrified that I will ruin you though. You’re everything that's good and I’m just a piece of shit. ”

Ian watched Mickey pace whilst he spoke. He eventually ended up standing in front of Ian when he had finished. Ian was so stunned that he couldn’t reply for a while. Hearing Mickey say how Ian was his world, the thing that made him whole just blew Ian away. He reached out and pulled Mickey close to him, placing the other man's legs in between his own. He held Mickey’s hands and smiled gently at him.

“You are not a piece of shit Mickey, You are beautiful. And what you just said, that was fucking beautiful too. I love you and I have never stopped loving you and I never will stop. All I really have ever wanted is you. It’s fucking why I’ve always pushed you; I needed you to be with me too. To love me like I’ve always loved you. The first time we were ever together, I fucking fell for you straight away, really hard. You were all I ever thought about, I wanted to see you, smell you, and touch you whenever I could. I still do, I can’t get enough of you still to this day and I don’t think that’s ever going to change Mick. You pushed me away back then but I kept trying, I couldn’t stay away. Everything just got so fucked up with the whole bipolar bullshit. I just lost it. I know I’ve kinda explained it but. At the time I thought I was doing what was best for you, not for me. It hurt to see you worry and stress out about me; I thought I was doing you a favour by getting my crazy shit out of your life. I don’t even know now what the hell was going through my head. I’m just all kinds of fucked up now. I just keep thinking that I can’t hurt you that it would kill me if I hurt you. I thought that… well, you didn’t love me straight away like I loved you… I just thought, you would be able to let go. Move on and be safe from my shit. I fucking doubted you and that was wrong. I see it Mick. I see it now. I’m so fucking sorry for what I did. I’ve been trying to fix it. I want you forever. Just the way you are. I love your spur of the moment shit you do. Yeah, it’s fucking crazy and over the top sometimes but It make you, well, you. My Mickey. You are my world, my everything. My home is wherever you are too. Please let me love you again. I can’t…… I need you so much, I hate this life without you, its miserable. Please Mickey….”

He leant in and kissed Mickey softly, as silent tears fell down Ian’s cheeks, Mickey took his hand and gently brushed Ian’s tears away and smirked at him.

“Jesus fucking Christ Gallagher, you like the sound of your own voice or something?”

Ian let out a small, choked laugh between sobs and looked up at Mickey and smiled back

“You can fucking talk, I think this is the most I have ever heard you speak. Especially without insulting me… I kind of miss the insults and nicknames.”

“Is that right fire crotch? You like it when I talk to you like shit. Huh? Gingersnap, Orphan Annie, turn you on when I call you freckles, is that it Army? What if I called you….”

Ian pulled Mickey close and shut him up with a hard kiss. He pushed his tongue greedily into Mickey’s mouth. When he eventually felt like he had had enough, he pulled away and leant into the crook of Mickey’s neck and whispered into his ear.

“I’d prefer it right now If you called me Ian again. I kind of really miss hearing that more”

Mickey gently grabbed Ian by the neck with one hand so that he could look into Ian’s eyes. His face completely serious, eye’s looking at Ian’s like they were searching for something in them to let him know that this was really alright, that they were now going to be fine.

“We doing this then? Like, you wanna be together again and shit”

Ian brushed his lip against Mickey’s before he pulled back and regained the eye connection that they had a minute before, he placed both of his hands on Mickey’s face and looked deep into his eyes.

“Yeah, we’re doing this, but you gotta say my name first”

Mickey swatted Ian’s hands away and laughed.

“Fucking asshole, Go fuck yourself…. Ian”

When he said that sentence the first part came out as a joke, but he held off before he said Ian. When he said his name it came out with so much love and tenderness that Ian felt as if his heart was going to burst out of his chest.

”A nickname, an insult and my name in one sentence, you know how to make a boy swoon Mickey Milkovich”

He flirted with Mickey as he could tell that Mickey was starting to get uncomfortable with so much feelings and emotions being expressed. He leant his knee into the other mans groin and rocked it a little. Mickey pushed his leg aside, away from his crotch and Ian pouted at him. He leant up and started kissing Mickey’s neck, running his fingers lightly under his shirt, breathing heavily into Mickey’s ear, kissing him on his lobe. He wanted to show him how much he loved him. Mickey pulled away a little bit and chuckled before smirking at Ian.

“You need to chill horndog, wouldn’t want you to blow your load in your pants on your lounge like a 14 year old boy.”

Ian grabbed Mickey’s waist with his legs and pulled them backwards onto the couch, he whispered into Mickey’s ear.

“Yeah, I could think of a much better place to blow my load, right now” 

And he did, several times.

 

_________

 

Mickey and Ian had moved themselves up to Ian’s room. There was too big of a risk that one of the Gallagher clan would come in and bust them on the lounge. They still banged in there, twice, before Ian dragged him upstairs.

They we’re now laying in his tiny bed, damp sheets twisted around their naked bodies. Ian was sleeping with one arm over Mickey, legs intertwined and a giant smile on his face. Mickey kissed him on the forehead before staring up at the ceiling with his arms crossed behind his head. He had really not been expecting things to end up this way. He really thought that Ian wouldn’t want this any more after his break down. But he did, and so did Mickey. 

It seemed so pointless to stay away from each other, yeah at times they did fucked up things that hurt the other person… But the pain of not being with one other hurt a million times more.

He wonders if Ian realises what calling him by his name really means to Mickey. When he joked around with Ian he was Gallagher, Army, Red or some other little nickname. But when he first started calling him Ian he used it as a kind of code word. He had realised he loved Ian a long time before he could actually ever mutter the words I love you to him. So he found another way to say it to him, a way that only Mickey knew about. He had been saying it to him for years every time he called him Ian. He did it at every intimate moment. For Mickey the name Ian meant Love. 

Ian…. I love you

He turned his head towards his sleeping, dopey red head and smiled.

“We’re going to be alright firecrotch”

He was startled by Ian’s quiet voice answering him back, he had thought he was asleep

“Course we are, Mick. I love you”

“I love you too, Ian”


End file.
